Real Men Knit(20)
Like their first meeting. He hadn’t expected her to be up there when he was running from his brothers, but there she was. He thought he was getting out of the way of a sure beatdown at the hands of Damian over messing with his stuff when, in the end, after tripping over Kerry and falling on top of her, he’d ended up getting the smackdown not from his brother but from her. Then, after, another from Mama Joy for causing such a ruckus. It was amazing Kerry ever let him near her after that. He had thought for sure with the way she’d whirled on him she either A) was scared of him or B) just flat-out hated him. But he guessed in the end he was someone she moderately tolerated. And by the way she always hung around the shop and was never really out like the other girls in the neighborhood, he suspected she also chose that place as her refuge from the outside world.
That’s what it had been like with Kerry all these years. She was there seeking refuge and, in some ways, being a source of refuge even if she didn’t know it. He guessed he should feel relief over the fact that with Mama Joy’s passing, Kerry wasn’t just abruptly leaving too. Honestly, until that morning and the real possibility of the shop closing, he hadn’t gotten his head around it. But if he was honest with himself, the thought of her leaving scared him. Scared him, but at the same time, brought on no small measure of guilt.
Was Damian right? Was he just using Kerry? Jesse shook his head and stalked off toward the back stairs. He couldn’t think like that. Kerry was no longer that little girl from the upstairs loft who he’d used for cover and safe passage. She’d made her decision freely without any coercion from him. Besides, judging by the way she had handled herself today, she was definitely no longer a young woman he could just shush and easily move along from.
No, she was grown. Well and fully grown. He could tell that by the way she felt and fit in his arms earlier that morning. A feeling that was too perfect and one he knew he could not act on. Still, it was altogether surprising and definitely not unwelcome.
But no, he couldn’t think about it. Shouldn’t think about Kerry in that way. Number one, they were close, way too close. Close in that way where Kerry could look at him and see straight to the heart of him as only a person with way too many years under her belt could. She knew his strengths, but worse, she knew his weaknesses. Which, of course, was a clear reason why she’d more than likely never consider him. But on top of that, there was reason number two. Kerry was a woman way too good for the likes of him. He knew it, and more than likely, she knew it. Why even waste the time, risk the potential heartache, when the outcome was inevitable? Jesse had already disappointed one—no, two women in his life. He wouldn’t screw up by getting entangled with Kerry and adding her to his list. She’d be one of those whom he wouldn’t be able to forget.
Better to stay on his p’s and q’s and finally do something worth making Mama Joy proud and not wind up on the receiving end of disappointment in Kerry’s big brown gaze.
Suddenly the shop’s front doorbell rang, followed by three firm but—he could tell—feminine raps. Jesse frowned, looking up at the window. Though it wasn’t yet dark, it was well past seven, and the closed sign was still on the shop door anyway. He let out a groan. It was probably more food from some of the neighborhood women. How much did they think he could eat? But his lights were on upstairs, as well as the back light, so there was no way he could get out of not accepting it by pretending he wasn’t there. Besides, they were just being nice. Going in and acting rude would not fly. He would be haunted, if not by Mama Joy then by all the neighborhood talk, enough to make him feel as if she’d come from the grave. Jesse started back down the stairs, his mind fighting to get into business mode and focus on all he needed to attend to and discuss with Kerry come the morning.
He’d get right down to things, showing her and his brothers just how serious he really was. There were questions about timing, how long she thought inventorying and cataloging everything would take. Maybe they’d close the shop for three or four weeks while they got it all together and then have a grand reopening in Mama Joy’s honor, though it would be better if they could cut that time even more.
With these thoughts, for the first time, Jesse felt like a little bit of a weight was starting to be lifted from his chest and he could actually focus on something positive instead of the overwhelming abyss of dread that had consumed him since Mama Joy suddenly passed away. True to his form, he’d been filling his time and his mind with all the wrong things: sleeping late, picking up bartending jobs, then leaving with a bottle and drinking heavily on his way home, women, more drinking and, hey, more women. But with this go at the shop, maybe Mama Joy would be proud of him working to turn things around. Not running, but facing life head-on for once.
Jesse went to the door and looked out, focusing his gaze. Opening it, he tried to keep his mind on neutral as he took in Erika Taylor, his sometimes bedmate for the last couple of weeks and at most a convenient distraction. Still, he felt a familiar heat begin to rise as his eyes scanned her body. She was wearing black strappy high-heeled sandals and a barely there little black dress that just made it to the top of her mahogany-colored thighs and dipped low in the front, showing off her full breasts. It being early evening, he couldn’t tell if this was an outfit she’d worn all day or something she’d put on to come over to see him. Since he didn’t quite know what she did for a living, he couldn’t make an assumption either way. She flipped her head, and her wavy hair cascaded over one eye to perfectly highlight how expertly she’d worked her makeup. Her full red lips broke into a wide smile as she held up a large bottle of wine and waved it at him.