Rapid Falls(47)

“Charming,” I say, grabbing Rick’s arm as he stiffens in disgust. He wanted to be here to support me, but I need to protect him from the ugliness of Anna’s world.



“I want to come with you to see Anna tomorrow,” he’d said last night in bed. His eyes looked so tired that I was worried he was going to fall asleep before I could answer.

“Really? Why?”

“I’ve arranged for Maggie to go over to your mom’s for the day. I think it’s important that I come. For Anna. But mostly for you.”

“I’m fine, totally fine,” I said. “It’s going to be . . . These places can be a bit rough, Rick.”

He shifted his body, propping up his pillow so he could lean back. “That’s why I don’t want you to go alone. You seemed so . . . upset when you got back from your mom’s last night. I want to help.”

The offer was unexpected, and I was thrown by his kindness but also concerned that I’d been letting myself slip. I didn’t realize that I had been visibly disturbed. Maybe I did need his help. I had to talk to Anna, to make sure she wasn’t falling apart. Rick could help me do that.

“I appreciate it. Anna could definitely use the support.”

“I’m hoping she can finally get through this, you know? Maybe if we are both there, she’ll see that she’s not alone.”

“That would be great, Rick.”

“But, Cara?”

“Uh-huh?” I reached for a glass of water.

“We might need to have a conversation soon about what to do if Anna doesn’t improve. We can’t go on like this forever.” He stretched his arms out wide and yawned. He seemed secure that I agreed with him about Anna. I swallowed a gulp of water too quickly, and the glut of liquid moved down my esophagus painfully.

“Definitely,” I said, hiding my panic at his hinted ultimatum by leaning over to kiss him. I could not let Anna navigate without me. I had to know what she was thinking, drunk or sober. There was too much at stake for me to cut her out of my life.

“Good night, honey. I love you,” he said, his eyelids starting to droop.

“Love you too,” I said, but he had already fallen asleep.



We walk into a small waiting room. A frizzy-haired woman sitting behind a glassed-in counter glances dismissively at us before turning back to a computer. I lean down to speak in the small hole in the Plexiglas.

“Hello?”

The woman turns slightly, her body still partially angled toward her computer screen. She looks at me impatiently. “Yes?”

“We are here to visit Anna—Anna Piper.”

“ID?”

I reach into my purse for my wallet, pressing my driver’s license against the glass.

“Slide it through.” Her voice is boredom, laced with contempt, at my inability to immediately grasp her system. “His?”

Rick takes his wallet out of his back pocket. The woman looks back and forth between the thumb-size photos and our faces a few times.

“Relationship?”

“Sister.” I smile at her, but it’s wasted energy. Her brief glance in my direction is only to match the photo with the person standing in front of her.

“Brother-in-law.” Rick sounds irritated, and I place a hand on his forearm. It’s part comfort and part warning. Women like this are gatekeepers. We need to follow her instructions, or she will make this visit difficult for us. She looks at a crumpled piece of paper on a clipboard in front of her then passes our IDs back through the window.

“Room thirty-two.”

“Thank you so much,” I say. My supportive sister act is wasted on her.

“Go on through,” she says. A harsh buzz sounds from a door to the right of us, and I move quickly to catch the handle before the lock clicks again. I have a feeling she won’t wait long.

“You’d think in a place like this, compassionate care would be a priority for the staff,” Rick says loudly. I try to get my bearings. There’s a common area with a small TV blaring. A couple of people are sitting on uncomfortable-looking sofas, staring vacantly at a soap opera, where overly made-up women on the screen scowl at each other.

“Must be down here,” I whisper. Rick doesn’t respond. He’s methodically scanning room numbers as we walk down the hall. It’s institutionally clean, not a speck of dirt in sight, but the air feels filthy. Everything in these places is steeped in misery. I’m not surprised that it rubs off on the staff too.

“Thirty-two.” He stops in front of the door, waiting for me to knock. It’s closed, but not tightly. When I graze it with my knuckles, it opens.

Anna is lying on a bed with a flimsy light blue cover, the same ones used on hospital beds that never keep you warm, no matter how many you have. She looks better than she did the last time I saw her, but the circles under her eyes are still dark and her skin is patchy with acne. Her corroded beauty makes it seem like she belongs here. I hope I do not appear the same way.

“Hi, Anna,” I say, stepping through so Rick can enter.

“Hi, Anna,” Rick says.

“Oh, hi. I didn’t know you were coming.” She smiles at him and he smiles back. After a moment’s pause, he takes a step toward her and pulls her in for a hug. Anna looks at me over his shoulder, surprised. So am I. I fight off a flood of jealousy.