Postscript(47)

Jewel giggles.

‘You have it back,’ she hands it back to Jewel. Jewel takes it, slobbers on it and hands it back to Denise. Denise repeats the gesture. And this goes on.

‘Are you the Denise who had to be rescued in the sea on holiday in Lanzarote?’

Denise grins and flicks her hair. ‘Why yes I am. I was topless in a leopard-print thong. My finest hour.’

‘I think I left that detail out of the podcast.’

‘She left all the best bits out.’

Ginika smiles. A rare thing.

‘Denise—’

‘I’d love to hear about the karaoke night,’ Ginika continues. ‘Was it really as bad as Holly described?’

‘Bad? It was worse because I had to listen to it. Holly is as tone deaf as they come.’

‘OK, OK,’ I clap my hands, trying to get their attention. The only person who takes notice is Jewel, who claps along, her new favourite sport. ‘I’m sorry to break you girls up but we’re in the middle of something very important here, Denise, and Ginika has to leave in an hour.’

Denise looks at her watch, ‘That’s OK. I can wait. Will I make you both tea or coffee? Coffee for you, munchkin?’ she says to Jewel and tickles her. Jewel dissolves in giggles. ‘Do you want me to mind her while you guys work?’ Denise eyes the papers on the table.

‘Oh no,’ Ginika says, tightening her grip around Jewel’s waist. ‘She doesn’t go to anyone but me.’

‘Trust me,’ I say, backing her up. ‘She’s all sunshine and light, but as soon as you put her down, the darkness appears.’

‘Oh, I don’t believe that,’ Denise says, back on her knees again. ‘Will you come with Denise? Dee Nee? Jewel come to Dee Nee?’

‘Dee Nee?’ I ask, amused.

‘No, it’s OK, really,’ Ginika says, pulling Jewel away.

‘Are you sure?’ I ask Ginika. I wink at her conspiratorially. ‘Denise really loves babies.’ There is only one way to make Denise shut up and back off and that’s by her experiencing the full force of Jewel.

‘Um … OK,’ Ginika says, loosening her grip.

‘Yay!’ Denise says, holding her arms up and cheering. Jewel giggles. ‘Yay for Dee Nee!’

Jewel lifts her arms up in the air. The teething ring slams Ginika in the face. Then she lowers her arms again.

‘Come to Dee Nee.’

Jewel actually holds out her arms and goes to her, but as soon as she’s in Denise’s arms she realises what she has done. She looks to her mother uncertainly and the frown appears, the flared nostrils, the obvious distaste and disgust of anyone and anything that is not her mother. The irritated sounds start. Denise stands up. The legs start to kick out, frantically. Socks hang on for dear life off the tips of her toes.

‘Look there’s Mama. Mama’s still there.’

Jewel’s sounds of irritation and distress stop, but the face is still on, in full force. She’s not sure about what’s happening here but she’s quite sure she doesn’t like it. Maybe.

‘Hi, Mama.’ Denise waves, and encourages Jewel to do the same. Jewel waves. She brings her on a little walk around the dining room. And then to the TV room. But as soon as she goes to the kitchen out of Ginika’s eyeline, the horror movie screaming starts. Ginika stands up.

‘Leave her for a moment,’ I say. ‘Let Denise deal with it.’ It pains Ginika to leave her but I’m firm. ‘We can finish this section off tonight.’

The screams, the yells, the absolute piercing hysteria echo around the house interwoven with Denise’s gentle soothing voice, songs, and chatter, and I can tell that Ginika’s barely able to concentrate on what I’m saying or the textbook in front of her. But I continue, push through the wall of noise hoping we can get past it.

I call out some words and Ginika writes them down.

‘Where did you and Gerry go on honeymoon?’ Ginika asks suddenly.

‘I think we need to focus on the work, Ginika,’ I say brusquely. But she won’t. I have taken her child from her and she is irritated by the lack of control. I push her forward. She pushes back.

‘You said in the podcast that Gerry sent you and your friends to Lanzarote because you were going to go there on your honeymoon.’

‘Yes.’

She puts the pencil down. ‘So why didn’t you go there? Where did you actually go?’

‘Somewhere else,’ I say, handing her back the pencil.

She fixes me with a strange look, unhappy with my response. Here she is raw and vulnerable and I won’t answer her questions. I sigh and begin to explain, when she holds her hand up to stop me. She cocks her ear and listens.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I can’t hear anything.’

It takes me a moment to realise that Jewel has stopped crying, that in fact it has been silent for a few minutes. Ginika jumps out of her seat.

‘It’s OK, Ginika, I’m sure she’s fine,’ I say, reaching out to her, but she moves quickly, away from the table, through the kitchen and straight upstairs. I follow her, holding on to the banister and hopping behind her as fast as I can. Ginika doesn’t wait, she rushes ahead of me up the stairs. I find her standing at the door of the small spare bedroom, blocking my view. Breathless, I peek inside. Denise is sitting up on the bed, against the headboard, her legs out before her, staring out the window, with Jewel fast asleep on her chest, wrapped in a blanket. The room is dark, lit only by the street lamps that shine inside. Denise looks at us, confused as to why we’re staring at her.