Perfect Gravity (Wanted and Wired #2)(59)

He did shrug this time, beneath the sweet weight of her body. “I told them to fuck themselves in places that would especially hurt. I wasn’t going to let you go.”

“But then you did.”

“Only ’cause you told me to.”

Realization washed over her face, painting it pale. “Oh shit, Kellen. Oh holy shit. And that’s why you didn’t come back, because you were done with them. Out. I was so oblivious. People have told me all my life how brilliant I am, but now…oh fucking hell, was I stupid.”

He squeezed her a bit. Would have squeezed tighter, would have squeezed till all her pain went away, but she was a little thing, and dear. “You know what they say, ain’t no cure for nineteen. You were just a kid. So was I.”

It wasn’t like his anger or his sense of betrayal had dissipated. He hated what they’d done to him, and she had been squarely a part of “they.” If she hadn’t told him to leave, he would have fought those consortium goons. He would have gotten the both of them out of there. Not sure how, but he would have made it happen. Was her goodbye that had sucked the fight right out of him. He hadn’t wanted to stay if she didn’t want him.

No, he hadn’t forgiven her. But he was willing to look past her missteps, to live in the right now. Because right now felt so goddamn sweet in his arms.

“So I’m working out the timeline in my mind,” she murmured. Talking him through her processes, as if they were on a project together. Damn, he’d missed that, the easy back-and-forth. It was less easy now, of course. Patching up emotional wounds wasn’t like analyzing modern bit-funk lyrics using the Aarne-Thompson tale type index. Angela, though, she lit up when she was working through an academic process, and it was a beautiful thing to behold. “When we went out into the desert that morning to…”

“Fuck like rabbits.”

“Yes, that. Had they already approached you and given you their ultimatum?”

“Yup,” he said. “And I’d already told them. Not no, but hell no.”

“Zeke sent for me at reveille that same morning,” she said. Her voice was soft, small. “They offered me a deal, too.”

He pulled a breath in, held it just a beat too long, and then released it into the space between their bodies. He stroked her back, beneath her blouse. There weren’t words in him to convince her she didn’t need to hair-shirt herself. That both their sins were so long ago.

“The first part of my deal was breaking up with you,” she said after a long time. “And the second part…was I had to marry Daniel.”

“I figured.”

“I worried about you, what you would think. If you’d imagine that I loved him, if you thought about me being with him.”

“Thinking ’bout you fucking a fan-favorite vid star night after night? Yeah, that twinged a bit, but I got over it.” He hadn’t, never had, but telling her that would serve no purpose. She was bent on beating herself up, and he was just a terrible enough person to find some salve in that. So he let her.

“The man I lived with wasn’t the one people met in his vids. He was really good at acting.” She leaned over him.

Opening his eyes was a reflex. He couldn’t help seeing the pain writ large on her lovely face.

“I want you to know that I have suffered for my bad decisions,” she said.

“You don’t need to—”

“Daniel was not kind to me, and every moment I lived with him was fucking horrible. Not adorable torment, like when I’m naked and you’re a half centimeter away and refuse to touch me. Different torment. The bad kind.”

He nudged the pad of his thumb against her mouth, tracing her lip. “If you need to say it, I will listen, but don’t feel you have to.”

A couple of messy tears splashed against his neck. She sniffed, to spare him a worse drenching, but more tears followed. He didn’t move to wipe anything away.

“Thank you for that. Someday I will tell you, and I hope you won’t hate me for it.”

Good lord, what had they done to his gal? He wanted to put his hands around Daniel’s neck and squeeze. Nasty little shit ought to be thankful he was already dead.

She sank against his body, fitting herself to the shape of him, atop him but not able to get still. He put his arms around her and asked the car to turn up the heaters. It obeyed, fanning warmth up her legs, beneath her skirt, where he still held her close.

She had more bad memories, he was sure of it, and he reckoned she’d release them in good time. She’d popped the cork on them, though, and this froth was just the beginning of a long pour. He swore, silently, to hold her tight through the whole thing. Let her decant at her own speed.

He stroked her back, the dip there above her perfect ass, and drew a line up her spine, testing the tension between her shoulder blades. She sighed like a kitten purrs.

“I don’t hold with revenge, generally,” he told her. “Those consortium assholes avenge themselves all over the place till they’re sticky with it, and I refused to be a part of them. But if he was living right now, I expect I could make an exception for Daniel Neko.”

“Wait.” She popped back up onto her elbow and frowned down at him, like lightning had just struck her. “You know about the consortium?”

He had wondered when she’d connect the two. Her handlers, his wannabe handlers. End-of-the-world-blabbering conspiracy crackpots, all of them. Better world, after the end of this one. A world entirely populated with elite humans and the technology that bolstered their luxurious existences. Them same asshats who offered him a place among them. “I told you about the deal they offered, and where I told ’em to poke it. Suspect they’re also the planners stuck you and Daniel Ashe together in unholy matrimony. Manipulative sonsabitches sure do like their deal makin’, don’t they?”