People Like Us(54)
I never made a joke like that again. And I cried so hard that night after our lake ritual.
* * *
? ? ?
I DON’T KNOW what I’m supposed to think now, as Brie watches me through wet eyes. Those feelings aren’t totally gone, but they’re not the same, not in that aching way. It would hurt too much to be around her if I allowed myself to completely open that door again. I wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye, and I can’t stand to shut her out of my life. I know she loves Justine. I know she regrets kissing me. But we’re always so close. I can’t not feel it. It burns.
I close my eyes and open them again, my lashes damp. “I never messed with your heart.”
“The second you met Spencer at that party, you dropped me like I was some stupid plaything you were bored of.”
“That’s not what happened. You abandoned me for Justine. And this is after you spent a year rejecting me. Skeleton Dance, Valentine’s Day, Spring Gala.”
“I was talking to her. In less than five minutes you were all over him.”
That’s not how I remember it. “If you and Justine were just talking, why did you go home with her? Why are you still with her?”
Brie sinks back against the wall and looks at me wearily. “You had another chance to choose me, Kay. In Spencer’s room. When he walked in, I took your hand and you shoved me away.”
“What did you expect me to do? After two years of you pulling me toward you and pushing me away over and over until I have no idea what you want?”
“I don’t trust you, Kay.” Her lips tremble. “I don’t trust you not to hurt me.”
“Brie, if I could take everything back . . .” I pause. “I don’t even know where I would start. There’s too much to undo.”
“You were with Jessica and Maddy seconds after they died.”
“You were with Jessica, too.”
“What did you do?”
My voice quavers. “I’ve done a lot of things. I’m not a very good person, okay?”
“Then just be honest with me, Kay.”
“I am honest with you.” I can’t stand the way she’s looking at me. Not after what Cori said. Lost cause. “Okay, you want to know what you’ve missed?” I pull up the email from Jessica on my phone and flash it at her. “Correspondence from corpses. That final project? A website blackmailing me into carrying out a dead girl’s revenge against my best friends. And it’s all on me. Tai, Tricia, Cori, Maddy, Jessica. I’m screwed. And you’re mad because I didn’t invite you along. You should be thanking Nola for bumping you out of the passenger seat. What else would you like to know, Brie?”
“What website?”
“It doesn’t exist anymore.”
She bites her lower lip. Her eyes are full and her voice is thick when she speaks again. “It just disappeared into thin air?”
The realization breaks over me like an icy wave. “You do think I’m crazy.”
Her gaze wavers. “This is a bad idea. This is stupid.”
“What?”
“I’m done.”
I stand, alarmed. “Brie, stop it. You’re not giving up on me. This is just a fight. You’re my best friend.”
She looks me in the eye. “Did you kill Jessica?”
“No!”
“Hunter?”
“What? No.”
“Maddy?”
It’s like one slap in the face after the next, but I deserve them, so I stand there and take them. “No. Is that all?”
She tears her coat off and rips her shirt up to reveal a voice-recording instrument. “Done. I’m so done.”
17
I call Nola as soon as I get outside, but the call goes to voice mail over and over. I try Spencer next.
“You told me about Jessica. Why did you hide Maddy from me?” I say as soon as he picks up.
“I tried. When we met at Cat Café, I tried to tell you. We weren’t exactly speaking before then. Then I was going to tell you at dinner but you never showed.” He sounds like he’s been crying, too.
“We didn’t have plans.”
“Jesus Christ.” He pauses. “I have a text from you telling me to meet you.”
“Right. Someone faked my number just like they faked my email. Is that even possible?”
“Yes, but it’s pretty damn convoluted. You could just say you blew me off.”
“But I didn’t, Spencer. And you flooded my inbox with texts. You have to be cool.”
“Really? Is that how I have to be? How many lies have you told the police this week?”
“Have many lies have you told me? Like, you forgive me for Brie? What’s it going to take? Will you have to sleep with the entire student body before we’re even? Maybe throw in a couple of professors?”
“It’s not about getting even.”
I feel like running and never stopping, but I’m weak and the constant urge to cough makes it hard to pace my breathing. I head for the lake and walk briskly around the path toward Old Road, our meeting point. I don’t know what my plan is. To ask him to meet me, to keep on going through the village and never look back, to make an endless circuit or plunge into the water and scream into the icy darkness. “I never, never tried to hurt you.”