Out of Love(88)

“What is your date of birth?”

I clenched my teeth.

Just tell me if I’m pregnant!

I gave her all my information and waited on hold … and I waited … and I waited.

“Sorry, there’s a glitch in the app. You can go onto our website and access all of your test results there.”

“Am I pregnant?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not allowed to share any information with you over the phone.”

“Can you at least tell me if they ran a pregnancy test? Because I didn’t ask for one.”

“Again, all tests and results can be viewed if you log in to our website. And your doctor will be calling you soon to discuss them.”

I ended the call without a goodbye. Then I went to their website and logged in to my account, with no clue how to quickly find my answer.

“Shit …” There it was right there on the screen.

I … was … pregnant.





Chapter Thirty-Eight





Six positive home tests later (because those official medical lab tests could not be accurate), I conceded … I was pregnant.

I didn’t want a child, not like that. Not by myself. Not if my life could possibly be in danger.

“You don’t have to keep it.” Jessica handed me a cup of tea the day before Thanksgiving. I went straight to her house before I went home.

Dad knew.

He didn’t say the actual words. He texted “get your ass home.”

I ignored him for five days, packed my bag, and drove to Jessica’s house.

“It’s Alex’s baby, isn’t it?”

I winced before blowing the steam. “Why do you have to call him that too?”

She shrugged, angling her body at the opposite end of the sofa. “It’s been his name for five years.”

“You knew.” I tried to hide my disappointment, but it was hard to do.

“I knew. And I would have told you had I thought it was safe and in your best interest … emotionally.”

I stared past her, out the window to her view of the bay. “I love how everyone thought they knew what was best for me … a grown woman.”

“I’ve made some impossible decisions in my life. I’ve had people keep secrets from me in my ‘best interest.’ So I’m not going to waste my breath trying to convince you that you shouldn’t be mad, hurt, and disappointed.”

“Did you meet his wife?”

She nodded.

“Should I hate her?”

Jessica chuckled. “You slept with her husband and got pregnant. If their marriage was a typical marriage, I’d say she’d have every right to do physical harm to you. But I honestly don’t know what their marriage is right now. Five years with a stranger makes them anything but strangers. She’s pretty and likable. He’s handsome and a man … with needs.”

“Wow … you are a ray of sunshine on my life right now.”

“Livy, I won’t lie to you to save your feelings. Your life? Your sanity? Yes. But not your feelings.”

With a sad smile, I met her gaze. “Is it fair to him to keep the baby if we can’t be together? If he can’t be part of his child’s life?”

“Well, that’s a loaded question. So many assumptions. First is assuming you tell him about the baby. Second is assuming you tell him and choose not to be a family.”

My eyes narrowed. “I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes.” She took a small sip of her tea. “You do.”

I shook my head. “That’s not a choice. Leaving this life … my job, my friends, my family … it’s not a choice.”

She inhaled a long breath and released it slowly. “Family. That’s something you have to really think about. In twenty … thirty years … who will be your family? What happens when your dad dies? When I die? And you have this child or children and they have children of their own. They will be your family. And as much as it rips my heart out to imagine not having you in my life, it equally breaks my heart to think of you clinging to the past instead of looking to the future.”

I felt the burn starting in my eyes. “It would be like … I died.” My words broke at the end as I rapidly blinked away the tears.

Jessica had her own emotions building in her eyes. “I know, sweetie. I’ve been in your shoes.”

“Do you think you made the right choice?”

She bit the inside of her cheek for a few moments. “I made a choice. There wasn’t a right or wrong choice. There was a painful, agonizing choice, but it was never going to be right or wrong.”

I nodded several times.

She stared at her wedding photo on the wall to our right. “I guess if I had anything to do over again, I might have not made the choice alone.”

*

After talking with Jessica, she forced me to go home and face my father. I took the longest route to home, waited in my car for nearly thirty minutes, and finally got the courage to go to the door just as the sun started to set.

It was unlocked—clearly he was expecting me.

“Hey.” I set my bag by the stairs as he glanced up from the piano, pencil behind his ear. He liked to compose his own music.