Our Little Secret(47)

I return my mind to the present. I’ve been entirely honest with Novak, so my conscience is clean. I don’t know if he’ll believe it, but HP never once apologized. Not for anything. You’d think if a guy made a series of wrong turns, he’d eventually stop driving the car and get out. Not HP. The next morning was Friday and when I woke for work, I could hear him grinding coffee beans in the kitchen. It was June so his timetable was more relaxed, but he always got up and made breakfast before going for a run. Olive didn’t usually wake until close to eight and since Saskia’s whole existence was dictated by motherhood duty, her clock was linked entirely to her daughter’s. She rarely made an appearance until after I’d left. If I timed it right, I could usually catch HP alone for a solid twenty minutes before I had to get to the office.

He turned when I walked into the kitchen and then carried on grinding his coffee. He was barefoot, in shorts and a tank top as usual. Early summer had darkened his shoulder blades. I slid into a chair at the breakfast counter and readjusted the bust of my shirt.

He came over and stood opposite me, bringing a cup filled to the brim with steaming coffee.

“You want some, you can help yourself,” he said.

“I’m good. They have coffee at work.”

He watched me for a few seconds before speaking—long enough that I felt the color rise in the skin around my throat. “So you and my wife had quite the little chat last night.”

I licked my lips. “Did we?”

“You’ve no right to use my family’s tragedy as part of your little game.”

“I didn’t. I just said your brother’s name, is all.”

“Why can’t you just grow up, Angela? Everything’s a test to see who I like more. Is there anything you want to ask me? Anything you don’t understand?”

I shook my head.

“Good. Because I’d hate to think you’re harboring some old resentment. Life’s too short.” His expression relaxed a little, and he took another sip of coffee. “There are things about me that only you know. You have that—it’s yours. You don’t need to keep proving it to everyone.”

He looked at me, a look I didn’t understand. “You can’t live here forever. You can’t keep relying on us to dig you out of a hole. Go have some fun for once in your life.”

The kitchen door opened and Saskia walked in wearing HP’s robe and carrying Olive.

“Honey, I was just saying to Angela that it’s time for her to go. No problem or anything, no fight; just time to move on.”

Saskia gripped her daughter close. “Of course, you’re always welcome to visit. Drop by at sundowners. Olive would love to see you.” All three sentences were of identical flatness and weight, doled out like dinner plates.

“Angela’s leaving? No!” shouted Olive. Everyone pretended they hadn’t heard her.

“I’ll be gone by Sunday. Is that fast enough?” I stood up from my chair, smoothing out my clothes.

“Of course. Thanks for understanding,” Saskia said.

I went straight to my car and called my mom. She let her phone ring for a while before picking up. “Mom, can I come home?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” she gushed like a high wind down the line, “of course you can come home. It’s been deathly dull here, and I’ll be happy to see you back.”

“They’ve asked me to leave.”

“HP has?” Why didn’t she sound more surprised?

“I think it’s more Saskia. But yes.” My voice caught and I coughed to conceal it.

“Angela Petitjean, don’t you dare cry. Don’t you dare. You’ve been doing great. Don’t let this pull you down. Do you want me to come and get you?”

“I’m on my way to work. And I’m not leaving until Sunday.”

“Sunday? Why not today?”

“They need me to babysit tomorrow night.”

“Are you joking?” Her voice was hard and flat. “Is that a joke?”

“Just—it’s okay, Mom. I want to do it. You know how much I care about Olive.”

“Whatever you think is best, Angela. But you give too much, you know. Soon you’ll have nothing left.”

I stayed in my room that Friday night and spent most of Saturday at work, sorting through registrations of births and deaths. There was no reason for me to put in overtime, other than that I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Saskia was ready for book club by the time I got back to their place. She waited in clothes more suited for clubbing, and didn’t direct any conversation my way. Finally, she’d given up pretending that she liked me.

“You got everything you need?” HP stood by the screen door once his wife had left, waiting for Ez to pick him up for baseball.

“I’ve babysat before.” I sat in an armchair, and Olive crawled into my lap.

“Okay, well, you have my cell if anything goes wrong.”

“We’ll be fine, won’t we, pumpkin?” I stood up, looping my arms around Olive’s legs and carrying her in front of me. “Let’s find some food! Then it’s bath. Then it’s bedtime.” I waddled his daughter out of sight through the swing door into the kitchen as Ezra’s truck pulled up, the bass bumping from the stereo.