Only When It's Us (Bergman Brothers #1)(99)

I freeze with the cream in my hand, spoon in the other. “P-pardon?” My voice breaks. Great. I sound like a blushing teenager.

Willa lowers the book again. Her cheeks are bright pink. “You smacked my ass earlier.”

Jesus. “I did.”

“And I liked it.” Willa sips her wine and gives me a once-over. “You remember that text you sent?”

I pour cream over the strawberries and start stirring. “I’ve sent you a lot of texts, Willa.”

She rolls her eyes. “When I was on the road for playoffs. I threatened to shave your beard when I got back, and you told me that if I laid a hand to your facial hair—”

“You wouldn’t be able to sit for days.” I clear my throat as heat floods my cheeks. “Yeah, that was inappropriate of me.”

“But I liked that, too,” she says quietly. “I practically dropped my phone, I was so aroused. I felt like if I slid my hand inside my panties right then, I would have gone off like a firework.”

Blood roars in my ears. I don’t want to hurt Willa. In fact, I hate the idea of hurting her at all. I just like the idea of being intense. To hold her tight and fuck her hard, because it expresses how much she makes me feel, how deeply I want to be connected to her and her body. And, yes, I can admit some primal part of me gets turned on, swatting Willa’s fine ass and watching that turn her on.

But how can I do that when I can’t hear her well? I haven’t been rough at all because I’m not confident I can do it safely. What if I can’t hear Willa saying no? What if I miss some quiet cue that I’m making her uncomfortable or hurting her?

I stare down at the strawberries and stir them slowly. “Before…before things changed, I would have been right there with you, Sunshine. But, I don’t know if I can do that now.”

She sets down the book and reaches for my hand. I give it to her automatically and watch her small grip wrap around mine as best as it can. “Can you turn off the oven?”

My stomach twists. “Why?”

Willa grins shyly and releases my fingers. “I have something I want to try. Dinner can wait a little while.”

I flip the knob to shut off the oven and circle the island. Willa takes my hand again and pulls me past the dining room into the sunken living room. I showed her how to start a fire the other night, and she has. There’s a sea of blankets in front of the crackling hearth she built.

My stomach knots even tighter. “What is this?”

Willa squeezes my hand, then brings it to her lips for a kiss. “Hold on.”

Stepping to the side of the bookshelf, she pulls out a mirror that I recognize belongs to one of the bedrooms. It’s an oversized rectangle that is usually propped against the wall to function like a full-body mirror. Willa drags it carefully, a blanket underneath its side. Then, she tips it and props it against the end of the sofa.

She turns and smiles at me. “I hope you don’t find watching a turn-off. That was my solution. You’ll watch. You can read my lips.”

I cover my mouth with my hand and bite my palm. I feel stupidly close to crying. “God, Willa.”

She rushes toward me. “What’s wrong? Did I… Is it bad? Is it—”

I wrench her against me and kiss her roughly. Tongue, possessiveness. I bite the edge of her lip. “No. Not wrong. You’ve just…always taken me in stride. Accepted me for how I am.”

Willa frowns. “What else would I do, Ryder? I love you for who you are. Of course, I accept you for who you are. Just like you’ve accepted me.”

A shaky sigh leaves me as I tug her close to me again. “Maybe it’s because you met me when I was already like this, but you were the first person who just rolled with the punches. Who didn’t take my grumpy quietness at face value. You pushed past it and acted like we were just two people, being together.”

“Because we were. We are.” Willa kisses my chest. “Is that what happened with your family? Your other friends?”

I nod. “It was my fault. I locked down. I didn’t make it easy for them.”

“I’m sorry, Ryder,” she whispers. “But guess what? You didn’t make it easy because it wasn’t easy for you, either, and that’s understandable.” Her warm breath tickles my chest as she laces her hands behind my neck and pulls me down for a kiss.

I grin against her lips. “Sunshine. I’m so fucking addicted to you,” I growl as I kiss her. “God, it’s scary how much I love you.”

“Ryder.” Her voice cracks as she rips at my shirt, madly opening buttons. “Please. Now.”

“Tell me.” I pull at her buttons, too.

“You’re mine and I love you,” she growls back, tugging me close for a rough kiss. “Forever. I don’t fucking care what anyone says, what life brings. You are mine.”

Heat blazes through my body. I shove Willa’s shirt off her body and watch firelight bathe her every gorgeous curve. She yanks at my shirt, and I help her, tugging it over my head and throwing it aside. Kneeling, she shucks my sweats and boxers and takes me deep into her mouth. My hands go to her head as she pumps me, licking the sensitive tip. God, it feels good, but I’ll come too soon if she keeps it up.

“Stop.” My voice is low. Rough.

Willa shivers as she stands and wraps her arms around my neck. I hoist her up and hold her close, kissing her deeply. Walking to the blankets, I lay her down and run my hands along her ribs, kissing my way to that beautiful silky skin. I lick her, taste her. Soft, steady strokes, teasing kisses and bites. I want to take her a little harder, and there’s no way I can do that comfortably without relaxing her body, giving her an orgasm. Plus, I love making her come. I’ll never get over how hot it is to feel her come on my mouth, my fingers, my cock.