Only Child(11)

But then the curtain got pushed to the side and a doctor came in and started talking to Daddy, and we stopped our finger patterns. “My sincere condolences,” the doctor said to Daddy. Daddy only blinked with his eyes a few times but didn’t say anything back, so the doctor kept talking. “Your wife is in shock. We had to sedate her and will keep her overnight. As soon as things settle down in here, we will find her a room for the night. She’s heavily sedated, and I doubt she will wake up at all tonight. I think the best thing would be to regroup in the morning and assess her situation. Why don’t you go home and…try to get some rest?”

Daddy still didn’t talk, he just looked at the doctor. Maybe he didn’t understand what he said. Then he looked back down at his hands like he was surprised they were holding still now.

“Sir? Do you have someone who can take you home?” the doctor said, and that woke Daddy up and he said, “No. We…we will go. I don’t need anyone to take us.”

The curtain got pushed open again and Mimi was standing there like frozen, holding on to the curtain. She stared at Daddy for a long time with really big eyes, and then she moved her stare to me and then to Mommy lying on the bed like a fake doll. Mimi’s face started to crumple up like a piece of paper. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but only a quiet “oh” sound came out. She took a step toward Daddy, and Daddy got up like in slow motion. Maybe his body felt too heavy, too.

Mimi and Daddy hugged each other tight, and Mimi was making loud crying sounds into Daddy’s jacket. The doctor and the nurse were standing next to them, and both of them were staring at their shoes. They had on the hospital kind, like green Crocs.

After a while Mimi and Daddy got done hugging. Mimi was still crying, and she came over to me and put her arms around me. She pulled me close to her belly. It felt smushy and nice and warm, and my throat got a tight feeling inside. Mimi kissed the top of my head and whispered into my hair: “My sweet, sweet Zach. My poor, sweet little boy.” Then she let go of me. I didn’t want her to, I wanted to stay there hugging her and feel warm and smell her sweater that smelled like fresh laundry.

But Mimi turned away from me and toward Mommy. She pushed some hair from Mommy’s face with her hand. “I will stay with her tonight, Jim,” Mimi said in a quiet voice, and tears were just running, running down her face.

Daddy made a sound in his throat and then he said, “OK. Thank you, Roberta.” He took my hand and said, “Let’s get you home, Zach.” But I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go home without Mommy. So I grabbed the side of Mommy’s bed.

“No!” I said. My voice came out loud and it surprised me. “No, I want Mommy. I want to stay here with Mommy!” My voice sounded like a baby voice, but I didn’t care.

“Please don’t do this, Zach, please,” Daddy said, sounding very tired. “Please, let’s just go home. Mommy is OK, she just needs to sleep. Mimi will stay here and take care of her.”

“I will, honey, I promise. I’ll be here with Mommy,” Mimi said.

“I want to stay here, too,” I said with the loud voice again.

“We will come see her tomorrow. I promise. Please stop shouting,” Daddy said.

“But she has to say good night to me! We have to sing our song!”

Every night at bedtime me and Mommy sing a song, and it’s always the same. It’s our tradition and it’s the song that Mimi made up when Mommy was a baby, and then Mommy started singing it to me and Andy when we were babies. The song sounds like the “Brother John” song, but with our own words made up. You change the name in it for who you are singing it to. For me, Mommy sings it like this:

    Zachary Taylor

Zachary Taylor

I love you

I love you

You’re my handsome buddy

And I’ll love you always

Yes, I do

Yes, I do



Sometimes Mommy changes up the words and sings it like this: “You’re my smelly buddy, but I love you anyway…,” and it’s really funny, but in the end, she always has to sing it the regular way so I can go to sleep.

Now she was going to stay here in the hospital and not be at home with me for bedtime.

“Just…OK, do you want to sing it now, then?” Daddy asked, and the way he said it sounded like that was going to be a stupid thing to do. I shook my head yes, but then I didn’t want to sing with Daddy and Mimi and the doctor and the nurse all looking at me, so I only kept holding on to Mommy’s bed until Daddy came over and forced me to let go.

Daddy picked me up and carried me back through the big room and the hallway, out the door to the waiting room, and back out through the slidey doors into the rain. He carried me all the way to his car that was a long way from the hospital, but parked in a real spot, so it didn’t get towed. I wondered if Mommy’s car got towed and how she was going to get home without her car.

Daddy opened the car door and at the same time we both saw Andy’s sweater on the backseat. It was the sweater he had on at lacrosse practice last night, and he took it off after we got in the car. Daddy picked it up and sat down in the driver’s seat. Then he put his face in Andy’s sweater and for a long time he sat there like that. It looked like his whole body was shaking and crying and he made little rocking moves forward and backward, but no sounds.