One More Time(44)

“Then I don’t get why you’re bringing up all this stuff.” I’m stiff in his arms, unable to look at him until he gives me a good reason.

“You canceled so many auditions, missed so many opportunities. Because of my career. I was afraid you were giving up all your chances of becoming a star because of me. I was afraid I was in the way of your dreams.”

I open my mouth to disagree, but then I close it again. Is Tanner right? Did I put my acting career on hold for him?

I think back to that time, to all my fears and worries. The same fears and worries that have plagued me over the last ten years. “I might have put some things off so I could be with you,” I admit, putting my palms against his chest. “And you thought if you pushed me away, I’d focus more on my dreams? You sacrificed us…for me?”

He nods. “I didn’t want you to give up all your chances and then one day find you resented me. I wanted you to stop putting me before you. I loved you too much for that. So when the video happened and you left…it killed me to let you go, but I did.”

A tear slips down my face. I’m a mess inside with conflicting emotions from his latest confession. On the one hand, he’s so dumb. The idea that I’d be better at anything without him is ludicrous.

On the other hand, it’s the most incredible thing anyone’s ever done for me. And I wasn’t worthy of it. Because I’ve been lying to him and to myself about those early days.

“I can’t believe you did that for me, Tanner,” I tell him, my hand cupping his cheek. “I know you meant well. But the truth is that I was using you as an excuse. I was scared too. Modeling came so naturally. I barely had to work for it. But acting was harder. The auditions I did go to ended in so many no’s. What if I never got any further than that? What if I failed? I couldn’t bear to face that.”

His eyes soften, soaking up my painful confession. “Oh, baby, you could never fail. Not if you get back up again after you’re knocked down, and you always get back up. And look where you are now! You’re so strong and self-assured and about ready to breakout in your first major role. A whole New Jenna.”

I blink back another tear. “There is no New Jenna, Tanner. Everything you see right now? It’s only been because of you. I started faking my confidence to get me through seeing you again. And I’ve only been able to keep it going because you make me feel strong.”

He studies me. “I don’t believe that. You’ve always been this strong.”

“How can you say that? I run away from everything. I ran away from the best thing in my life because I was afraid. It’s all an act.” Tanner’s shaking his head even before I finish my sentence.

“It’s not an act. This is you. I’ve seen this you on the catwalks of Paris and on cover magazines. You just haven’t let yourself believe that you were meant to be a star anywhere other than the model world when I’ve known all along that you shine everywhere.”

I know he believes what he’s saying. And it’s true that I’ve always been pretty brave, all models are to do what we do.

But I know the truth.

I am only the woman I want to be when I’m with the man standing in front of me.





16





Tanner





I’ve imagined this moment for years, what it would feel like to clear the air. How she would react. I thought for so long I only wanted the vindication of proving that I didn’t cheat on her. That I would never have cheated on her.

But here when it’s actually happening, while we’re laying everything out on the table, the thing I want most is for her to know how sorry I am. And that she still owns my heart.

I pull back so she’s forced to look up. “Jenna, I have never stopped loving you. I have never stopped wanting you in my arms. And I’ve been a fool for waiting this long to say that.”

The tears spill over, and down her face.

Worried, I use my thumbs to brush them away.

“It’s fine. They’re happy tears,” she says. “I thought you stopped caring about me a very long time ago. But today… I really hoped you hadn’t.”

I’m so relieved.

Despite the chemistry between us—the constant pull, the amazing sex—her messaging has been consistent from day one that we were keeping it casual. I had no reason to believe she’d want to hear any of this from me.

I have one card left to prove how far I’m willing to go for her, and it’s time to lay it on the table. No more secrets between us.

“I have something else to confess,” I say.

She stares at me, concern written on her face.

“I tried to move on over the years. I dated other people. But I never stopped thinking about you. Finally, I realized I never would. So, uh… well, I’m sort of the one who put the Janner movie together. It was my idea.”

The world stops. There’s total silence. Even the water seems to stop its bubble and babble for a moment.

Jenna doesn’t move. She doesn’t say a word. She just stares at me in complete and utter shock.

And then, after the longest three seconds of my life, her lips shift into a giant beaming smile, and she leaps into my arms.

“That’s either the most romantic thing on earth, or the most self-indulgent,” she says between kisses. “But I’m awfully glad you did. And, see? I told you I needed you.”