One More Time(19)

“We need to tone it down,” I whisper to Jenna as we step into the scene. “People are going to start talking.”

“First, that’s your fault, not mine. You opened your mouth during our meeting with Angela. And second, people have been talking for ten years, Tanner. From the moment that TMI video hit the internet.”

And there it is: the infamous TMI video.

The fifteen seconds of video that ended the most real relationship I’ve ever had in my life.

In a freaky coincidence, it’s not all that different than the dinner receipt at the center of this fake movie fight. Jenna thinks it’s one thing and it’s something else entirely.

God, though, if I could take it back, I would. Even now, I would.

The video that ended our relationship was staged and harmless, but it did explode on the Internet. Jenna saw it before I did, which I regret. But what I regret more is that I let her go without fighting. I tried to find her, yes. I tried calling.

And then I stopped trying.

The first day we spoke on the set of this movie was the first time I heard her voice since our last phone call, the night before the video hit TMI.

That was ten years ago.

Hearing her mention that video right now makes my blood boil. She knew just when to drop it, too. Not when we’re someplace where we can have a real conversation about what went down, but when we’re surrounded by dozens of people so she could hide.

I thought I was over it, but I’m not.

Because I wasn’t the only one who could have tried. She could have tried to reach out to me too. Instead she was so ready to believe that I would have messed us up, so ready to believe that she meant nothing to me. She let me give her up without a fight. It pisses me off to realize that she still can’t admit that she gave up too.

She needs to hear it. I’m more than ready to tell her.

“Action!” Polly calls.

Shit. I missed my chance to respond. Suddenly we’re delivering our lines in rapid fire, but I’m not focused on a single thing other than what Jenna said. It’s like my mouth is performing, as my character, but my body and mind are fixated on Jenna. I cannot wait to say my piece once we get through this take. Luckily we fly through the lines.

“Nice guys!” Polly calls out. “You’re really killing it today. In fact, I’d like to try something that isn’t on the page. Would you be willing to add a little physicality to the scene?”

“Like one of us maybe hits the other one?” Jenna asks, her eyes sparking.

I see the same boom operator smirk again. If he isn’t careful I’m going to knock him out, if Jenna doesn’t knock me out first, that is.

“Ha! I was thinking more some light shoving, but let’s see what we come up with. Bill, can I have you step in for a second so we can light for additional movement? Two more minutes, guys. Then we’ll try this. Maybe you could run the lines with some ideas about spacing and movement while you wait.”

Jenna steps out of frame, and I follow.

“I don’t want to rehearse shoving you,” Jenna says. “I want to save it aalll for the scene.”

I pull her into a corner and bring her body close to mine. I want to make sure no one eavesdrops on our conversation, but Jenna is startled.

“What are you doing??” she says, pulling away.

“I could have explained that video,” I say.

“You should have tried to explain a long time ago,” she fires back.

“You shouldn’t have run away so that I could.”

The look on Jenna’s face is pure rage. It’s like she just watched the video all over again. She looks me dead in the eyes. “I didn’t run away. I moved on.”

She’s angrier than I’ve ever seen her in my life. She might be angrier than I’ve ever seen anyone. For a moment I am legitimately afraid she’s going to do something truly vicious.

Instead she turns and walks away again, this time toward the make-up station.

“Touch-up please!” she calls out to the team. She’s strong and steely, nothing like the timid girl I remember.

Suddenly a strange feeling comes over me. When I look at Jenna I realize that I can’t hate her. In fact, it’s the total opposite.

I still want her.

I need to take a walk around the lot to cool down and get some distance, but Polly’s crew is quick. We’re back on our markers before I’ve even had a chance to figure out what the hell is going on inside my head, inside my body.

Focus and get through it, Tanner.

That’s my mantra. This scene is five minutes long, max. I need to push through my lines. I need to remember that I’m not Tanner; I’m Bobby. And Jenna isn’t Jenna; she’s Grace. This is all pretend. This is all fake. My feelings are just because I’m really into character.

We start in on the scene. Jenna is still giving it 110%, and now she’s adding a push here and a shove there. It all feels incredibly real.

I quickly realize that I’m going to need a new mantra.

You’re acting, Tanner. Focus on the acting.

I try to shut down my mind and let the dialogue flow. It’s memorized. I’ve got this.

“Now you’re just making things up!” I say. “You’re using me to make excuses for all your insecurity. Why? Because your parents got divorced? Because your ex cheated? I’m not them!”