One Last Time(45)

I was so stupid to think I was going to be able to stay away from him or that he was going to make this easy and walk away. It’s been clear from the beginning there is something between us.

I don’t know what it means.

I don’t know if this is the right thing.

But he makes me feel as if I’m strong enough to find out.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Heather pulls me into her arms.

“Okay.”

Her eyes are filled with a warning, but then her lips lift to a smirk. You’d think I was fifteen and about to have sex for the first time. Hell, we aren’t going to have sex now. We’re going to sit like adults, with a wooden table between us, and talk.

That is what must happen.

No sex.

They leave, and my nerves grow with each second we’re alone. My chest is tight as Noah and I look at each other. So many things to say, but I can’t speak.

I want to ask him what this is and why are we unable to stop it. I want to know if this is normal. If I would still be this attracted to him if I weren’t divorced.

“Can we talk?” I finally speak.

“We probably should.”

“At the table,” I clarify.

He takes a seat, and I walk around to the other side. There’s no way I’m sitting close to him. I’ll probably attack him again and break my furniture in the process.

“Okay, I don’t know what came over me in the kitchen, but clearly, I don’t know how to use my brain around you. I know I’m sending all kinds of mixed signals, and I’m sorry for that, but you make it hard to think,” I blurt out. “I’m a thinker, Noah. I think a lot, and this is weird and unlike me.”

He runs his hands through his hair. “You don’t exactly have me doing what I want to do, either. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this crazy about a girl.”

“You’re crazy about me?”

He leans forward with a sexy grin. “I thought you’d have realized that by now. I rented a fucking condo here this week.”

I’m not sure what that means because he’s supposed to be staying here for a few weeks anyway, so it makes sense he’d rent a place. “Okay . . .”

Noah rubs his forehead while shaking his head. “I had no plans to stay here. I was visiting Eli for a few days and then going back to New York. Now, I’m signing leases, doing press shit, and thinking of excuses to see you.”

“Which is nuts! This is too fast, and I can’t get hurt again.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

No one ever means to hurt someone, but it’s reality. I can only carry so much pain before I’m going to break. “I don’t think you’d do it intentionally,” I say, twisting the ring on my thumb. “You’re the first man in a long time to make me feel pretty.”

Noah’s eyes flash with anger. “Kristin,” he starts, and I hold my hand up.

“Let me finish, please.” I wait to see him relax so I can get all this out. “My ex-husband was abusive in ways I never saw. He put me down all the time, made me believe I was worthless to the point that I was . . . sad and lonely. He broke me so that the small scraps of love he gave felt like meals. I could live off one compliment for months because they came so rarely. I don’t ever want to be that woman again,” I say as I fight back tears. “I shouldn’t want you. I shouldn’t even be thinking about another man because I’m scared.”

He leans forward with his palms up. I want to place my hands in his, but instead, I just touch the tips of his fingers. “You aren’t the only one scared here. Trust me, I’m not sure what to think half the time. But I can promise you this”—he pushes forward so our hands are now joined—“I will never make you feel small. You won’t ever be lonely, Kristin. I promise you that, if you give this a chance, I will treat you like you should’ve been treated all along.”

“And when you leave to go on with your life?”

Noah shrugs. “We’ll cross that bridge then. Look, you might go on another date with me and realize it’s you who doesn’t like me.”

“Not likely.”

“It could happen. All I’m asking for is for us to spend the next few weeks figuring it out. If you fall in love with me, that’s on you. The possibility is real.” He grins. “My money says you’ll want to keep me.”

That’s the issue. My wanting to keep him, and him not wanting to cherish me.

I look at our hands and then back to him. “It’s not that simple.”

“Nothing is, but I’m not walking away from someone who has lit a fire inside me that I thought died out. I just need you to give it a chance.”

Why does he have to be so great? He’s the polar opposite of Scott. Everything he says is filled with so much meaning. It’s terrifying because what if I do give him that chance and he leaves me? How could I ever recover?

I’m only crawling today because I couldn’t get any lower than my ex-husband shoved me.

This isn’t fair to Noah, though. He deserves to be happy with someone who can give him more.

“Noah.” I sigh, pulling my hands back. My heart is already broken, might as well pulverize it and push him away. “I’m the last thing you need.”