One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(98)

“No.” I shake my head. “I’m . . . I’m in love.”

“Oh.” She sits back, keeping her hands in mine, then she does the one thing I never would have expected her to do. She laughs.

Brows pinched together, feeling slightly offended, I ask, “What’s so funny?”

Removing one of her hands to mine, she presses it against her chest and says, “Oh, I’m sorry, Logan, I just thought . . . I don’t know . . . that you were sick or something, not that you were in love. I was preparing myself for this big cancer scare. You’re in love.” She squeezes my hand. “That’s amazing. Who’s the lucky girl?”

Oh fuck, this is awful.

This is so fucking awful.

What’s worse than a girl laughing when you say you’re in love?

I have the answer. When she’s completely clueless as to who you’re in love with. Even worse when it’s her.

Has she not noticed the way I look at her, the way I care for her, the way I fucking lust after her every night when we’re snuggled up close, watching Netflix? Have I not been obvious enough?

“Who is it? Do I know her?” Adalyn continues.

Wanting to punch myself in the face to end my misery, I nod my head, lips tightly pressed together.

“Oh. Hmm . . . oh does she work at my office?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“It’s you, Adalyn.”

Eyes rounded, mouth parted, realization hitting her, she stays seated next to me, and I watch as my words soak in.

I don’t say anything else. I don’t know what else to say, because it’s almost as if the confession has made me tongue-tied. Like the look in her eyes, the deer in the headlights look has clammed me up. Hell, I don’t know what I was expecting.

Best-case scenario: she fans herself and melts into my arms, telling me she loves me too.

Worst-case scenario: she slowly backs away, moonwalk style, and locks herself in her bedroom where she pretends she doesn’t speak English.

From the looks of it, I might see her cute self moonwalk out of this living room.

“Ho-how long?” She breaks the silence but doesn’t look at me. I try to tell myself it’s nothing to worry about.

“I don’t know, a few years now.”

That gets her attention, snapping her head up, she parrots, “A few years? And you’re telling me now? I don’t . . . I . . . but you said we were a mistake.” Standing now, she begins to pace the living room. “You broke my heart that morning, Logan. Do you realize that? You made me feel so worthless, so . . . used.”

Fuck.

“That morning, that day, those words. I wish I could take them all back.” I stand, feeling awkward being the only one sitting. “You have no idea how much I’ve regretted saying that. From the moment the words left my lips, I knew it was a huge mistake.”

“Then why say them?”

“Because I was terrified, Adalyn. I’d slept with the girl I’d been pining after, and when I went to reach over for you, you flinched.”

She scoffs. “I didn’t flinch.”

“You did, Addie. You flinched, and like a dick, I thought I would try to save face and not make it hard on you. I said what I thought you were going to say.”

Staring at me, confusion in her brow, her eyes narrowed, mouth still parted, she shakes her head. “I don’t understand. Why not just say your true feelings?”

“Because.” I grab the back of my neck. “Because you were a girl who went from man to man. At the time, I thought maybe I was different, but when you flinched, fuck, I thought I was just another number, another one of those guys.”

“Are you kidding me?” She throws her arms up in the air. “Logan, you are my friend, one of my best friends. Do you really think I would have slept with you and then left?”

“I don’t know. I was so goddamn shocked you actually gave me a shot.”

“I can’t believe this. And what now, you decide to tell me you love me when I’m knee-deep pregnant with another man’s baby? Can you say poor timing, Logan?”

“I know, I know.” I run my hands through my hair, frustrated with myself. “Believe me, this isn’t how I wanted this to go down, but I thought I could get over you. I told myself I could, but the minute I saw you with him, I lost all ability to think straight. I was hoping it was only a fling, but when things started to get serious, I started to go crazy. But then he left. I knew it was my time to make my move, but I wanted to give you time to grieve the loss of your relationship—”

“And then I found out I was pregnant,” she finishes for me, realizing my struggle with my timing.

“Talk about a blow to the fucking gut. But he was gone, and I was there. I told myself I didn’t care that it was his baby; I wouldn’t be the paternal father. I still wanted to be there, I wanted to be with you.”

“And you were.” Her eyes well up with tears, her face growing somber and the tension easing out of her shoulders, the anger dissipating. “And you moved out here.”

“Because I love you, and I can’t seem to let go.” I take a step forward. “No matter how much I try to convince myself I’m not in love with you, I can’t. You’re ingrained in my heart, Adalyn.” I point to my chest. “Right here, you have permanent residence.”