One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(26)

“Sure.” He looks to the side and quickly says, “Maybe we can sit on the couch though?”

“I’d like that.” Standing, he takes my hand and guides me to the couch where he sits and pulls me down across his lap so my legs drape over his, and my back is against the arm of the couch. Gripping my knee, he soothes his thumb over the bone, back and forth.

“What’s your question?”

His touch is so gentle. It makes me feel cherished—worshipped—such a foreign feeling.

Fiddling with the end of my shirt, feeling a little weird without pants on, I ask, “Have you ever been in love?”

“In love?” He blows out a heavy sigh and rests his head on the back of the couch. “Nah, I don’t think so, not the kind of love that builds a foundation for the rest of your life. I feel like I’ve had puppy love, you know back in high school when you think you love someone, it’s new and exciting. But real love?” He shakes his head. “No. What about you?”

I press my lips together and shake my head as well. “No, I’ve never been in love, or a relationship for that matter.”

“You haven’t had a boyfriend before?”

“Nope.” I twist my hands in my lap as my forehead creases with concern. “I know it’s super early in whatever this is between us, but I thought I would let you know . . . I’ve never done this before, spent more time with a guy than one night.”

Realization hits him and when I think he’s about to grow angry, he surprises me and takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips. “So you’ve never been on a date?”

“No, I’ve been on dates before, but second and third dates? Not so much, nor have I talked to a guy like I’ve talked to you.”

“Does that scare you?”

I nod and lean my head against his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me, pulling me in close. “You’re a professional hockey player, Hayden. You live in Philadelphia; you’re only here for a short amount of time; it feels ridiculous to even think about starting a relationship with you, let alone my first one, and who knows if you really want a relationship with me, I’m just . . . ugh, I’m getting ahead of myself.” I take a deep breath and say, “I guess I want to feel you out before I dive any deeper into this thing between us, because I’m already starting to feel things for you, and I’d like to nip it in the bud if you’re not feeling the same thing.” God, I sound like a rambling idiot. “No pressure or anything. It’s not an ultimatum, sorry if it sounded like one. Ugh, can you tell I’m not good at—”

“Stop.” Hayden pinches my chin with his thumb and index finger, bringing my eyes level with his. That smile, those eyes, his rumpled hair . . . it eases the tension building in my chest.

“Adalyn, I wouldn’t have made dinner and breakfast for you, or tracked you down through multiple hospitals if I wasn’t interested in you, if I didn’t feel the same thing you’re feeling. Believe me, I understand our lives are different, and when hockey season starts again, it’s going to be hard, but I’m not worried about that right now. What I want to focus on is getting to know you.”

“But what happens when you do have to go? Is it worth starting something?”

“To me it is.” He twists his fingers through my messy hair. “I want more of you. I’m not ready to say goodbye, are you?”

I take a second, weighing my options. This is all new to me, getting to know someone on a deeper level, not jumping into the physical right away, feeling like I’m swept up into another world. The big question is, do I want to dip my toes into the unknown with someone who’s bound to leave no matter what? Do I want to put myself out there with the huge possibility of getting hurt in the end?

“What’s wrong?” he asks, cupping my cheek. “Why do you have that worried look on your face?”

Knowing he will appreciate my honesty, I say, “I don’t want to get hurt, Hayden.”

He lets out a long breath and pulls me in closer, resting my cheek on his chest. He kisses the top of my head and strokes my shoulder with his thumb. “I would like to promise I’m not going to hurt you, but I can’t make that promise, because I don’t know what the future holds, but what I can promise is to try. To put in the effort. To make you laugh. To make you happy. To continually make that beautiful smile appear on your lips. That’s what I can do, and hopefully, everything else will fit into place if it’s meant to be.”

“So just like that, you’re going to jump in, feet first?”

He nods against my head. “Yeah, I’m jumping in. Care to join me?”

Biting on my bottom lip, I squeeze my eyes shut, my nerves twisting and turning in my stomach. Fuck, I don’t want to get hurt. Shit. Shit. Shit. I don’t want to get hurt. Not by him. Not by one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. Because I know. I know he’d never intentionally hurt me, which gives him a lot of power, yet it doesn’t make me powerless. He’s such a good man. Kind. Giving. But I don’t think I can survive being hurt by him.

Then again, I don’t think I can survive saying goodbye right now, either.

Shyly, I look up at him and say, “If I jump in, will you catch me?”

Playfully, a grin spreads across his lips, lighting up his entire face. “Don’t worry, I’ll catch you, Adalyn.”