One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(107)

“I love you, Adalyn. You are my dream girl, the mother of my child, and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I can’t compete with another man if you love him. I won’t. I don’t want to ask you to choose. But I need to know if . . . I need to know if you’ll love me. If not, I’ll back off. Still be there for you and the baby, but I won’t . . . I won’t fight.”

His words rip through me, tears falling from my eyes.

“Tomorrow is my home game you have tickets for. After the game, the families of players greet us when we come off the ice after the game in the players’ hallway. I’ve put your name on the list. If you come tomorrow, if I see you waiting in that hallway, I’ll know you’re mine forever. But don’t show up if you have any question about wanting to be with me, because the next time we’re together, I want you wholeheartedly. I want all of you. Do you understand?”

I nod, tears streaking down my cheeks.

“This is it, baby.” He wipes a tear from my eye. “No more fucking around. You’re either with me or you’re not. And if you’re not, I will be civil when it comes to our baby, but don’t expect me to be nice to him.”

Pulling away, he stares out the window, ending our conversation.

Such all-consuming sadness blankets me as I squeak out his name, “Hayden.”

He shakes his head. “You either show up tomorrow, or you don’t. That’s it, Adalyn.”

With that, he unlocks the door, the click of the locks echoing in the car, sending a clear-cut sign to me there is no negotiating. I either want him or I don’t.

And what’s scary is I’m almost positive I want him, but the words fail to leave my lips.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

ADALYN

Sleep has eluded me.

How could I possibly sleep when Hayden’s sorrowful eyes are burned in my memory?

What have I done?

This is such a mess, and I’m the one to blame.

Logan came into my room this morning with a muffin and some tea, but I asked him to leave it on my nightstand. When he asked if everything was okay, I told him I was really tired from getting in so late.

And when he came in at lunchtime to see if I was okay, I told him.

I told him I didn’t love him the way he loves me. The words fell out of my mouth before I could even think about how they might hurt him.

But the decision almost seemed too simple after Hayden dropped me off. Logan, although sweet and caring, and a beautiful human I always want in my life, he’s not the man I’m grieving. I’ve had my time to grieve Logan, and he’s a chapter in my life that’s closed.

But leaving Hayden’s car last night, due to my feelings of total despair, I could barely walk up the stairs to my apartment without breaking down.

And right there was evidence enough that the man I needed by my side was the man I destroyed with my silence.

I hate myself.

After Logan left my room, I cried. Not for the loss of Logan, but for the loss of Hayden, the dent I put in our relationship. No, not dent, but the chasm created by a dagger straight to his heart. And what’s worse is I’ve now done that twice. I’ve. Done. That. Twice. And he’s not a man who deserves to be treated like that once, let alone twice.

Many times I thought about calling him last night but once again, I was apprehensive. Deep down, I know he’s the one, but when it comes to pulling the trigger, I’m gun-shy.

Now it’s an hour before his game; I stand in front of my mirror, questioning my decision to go to the game. If I don’t go, Hayden will assume it’s over forever, but if I do go, I’m giving myself over to him—my heart, my broken and battered heart.

But not going isn’t an option.

Adjusting the elastic band of my jeans, I take a look at myself one more time. I look like a moose. The Quakes shirt Emma gave me with Hayden’s name and number on the back is entirely too tight around my stomach but I keep it on, wanting to show my support.

I forgot to hand out the tickets to the other girls in my office so I’ll be sitting in a row all by myself. It might be better actually, because I’ll be a nervous wreck the entire game, and I’d prefer not to be asked what’s wrong every two seconds. Going to the game by myself will be much better.

I make my way to the front of the apartment complex where I told my Uber driver to meet me. Driving into Los Angeles doesn’t sound appealing to me right now, especially when I haven’t done it yet. I’ve only driven to work and around my little area. To be honest, Logan has done most of the driving if we’ve gone somewhere.

Oh Logan.

God, he was so upset. It kills me to think of his reaction. But then again, we’re better off as friends. I hope after this blows over he still wants to be my friend.

What a mess.

My Uber driver pulls up just as my phone rings in my purse. I hop in the car, buckle up, and give the Uber driver a quick hello before pulling my phone out of my purse.

Racer.

Leaning back into the seat, getting comfortable. I answer. “Hey Racer.”

“How’s my girl doing?”

He sounds chipper. Recently he’s fallen in love, the big teddy bear that he is. But I wonder, did Hayden call him? Do he and Hayden talk about us, about the baby? It seems like Hayden is more of a private man, one to keep his personal business to himself. Which honestly, I am too for the most part. I can’t remember the last time I divulged all my secrets to Emma. Can you blame me? Last time I involved her in my big news, she interfered big time.