Once and for All(92)

“Tall latte with extra foam,” I told the barista, an Asian girl with a cute pixie haircut. As she nodded, turning to start making it, I decided I’d have a doughnut, too. You want what you want, and sometimes, it’s sugar.

“That’s just the thing,” I could hear Phone Lady saying, her voice louder than ever in the less crowded space. “I never thought I would be dealing with all this. I had everything worked out, down to the minute. Yeah. Best laid plans . . .”

I looked at the clock by the espresso machine: it was just after seven. I was supposed to go by Jumbo Smoothie, pick up Ben, and then we’d head to dinner with some of his friends before hitting yet another party. Normally I liked the idea of a whole night still ahead of me. But right at that moment, I felt tired. And Phone Lady was still talking.

“No, I’m thinking I need to focus on me. You know, self-care. Everything’s been so hard lately, and I just can’t devote time to another person. Right?”

The pixie barista turned back to me, sliding my cup across the counter. I was just about to ask for that doughnut when the door banged open. A group of women in workout wear carrying yoga mats came in, all talking at once.

“Anything else?” she asked me.

“Um, no,” I said, glancing behind me. Too many people in too small a space—the doughnut could wait. “Just this.”

As she rang me up, the door opened again and more women in spandex and NAMASTE T-shirts entered, clearly from the same class. Distantly, I could still hear Phone Lady, which meant she had to be practically shouting.

I paid for my drink, grabbed a lid, and started to wind my way to the door through the ladies now lined up behind me, dodging flip-flopped feet and yoga bags. Despite my efforts, someone bumped me from behind just as I was passing Phone Lady’s table, sending me stumbling into the back of her chair. When I hit it, she jerked forward, her phone falling from her grip and clattering across the floor.

“Oh, God, sorry,” I said, putting down my drink on an adjacent table and going to fetch it. “That was all my fault.”

“It’s okay, I’ll get it,” she said quickly, right on my heels.

“No, let me,” I said. “It’s the least I can do.”

She was still behind me, though, as I reached the phone, bending down to pick it up. “Don’t . . .” she said.

I knew the second I held it in my hand something was weird. It wasn’t just the screen, cracked, black and dead, or the way it felt cold in my hand. You can just tell when something doesn’t work, or never did. All that talking, all those days. But no one was ever there on the other end.

She was still standing right behind me, close enough that I could feel her breath on my back before I slowly turned around. “Here,” I said quietly, holding it out to her. “Sorry again.”

“It’s fine,” she said, grabbing it from me. “Don’t worry about it.”

And then she was walking away, back to her table, her dead phone in her hand. Maybe she put it back to her ear right away, or waited until I was gone. I wouldn’t know. I was too sad to look.





CHAPTER


    26





“WHAT DO you think?” my mom asked, moving the daisies a bit more to the center. “Perfect, right?”

It was. All of it, from the table set out on the back deck with our best wedding linens, votives, and vases, to the spread of stuffed olives, spanakopita, and pimiento cheese, my favorites and William’s specialties. For dinner, there would be thick steaks topped with onion rings and mashed potatoes that were mostly butter and cream, just like I’d requested.

“It’s great,” I said, even as she continued to putter, moving a fork a millimeter to one side, then back again. Through the kitchen window, I could see William, his apron on, standing with Matt at the kitchen island. As it was for Ben and John, this dinner would be Matt’s first formal introduction to our little family, such as it was, and it felt both strange and nice to see our numbers double after all this time.

“You’re nervous,” I observed, as my mom moved the fork again.

“Nonsense,” she replied, not looking at me. “I just want everything to be perfect for my only daughter’s birthday party.”

“Sure you do,” I said, as she again glanced around the house to the driveway, where John was due any moment. “You know I’m going to like him, right?”

“Oh, I know,” she said, although she didn’t exactly sound fully confident. “It’s just my first boyfriend in eighteen years. Kind of a big deal.”

“Huge,” I agreed. She shot me a look. “I mean in a good way! I’m going to be gone soon. You can’t only hang out with William. Especially if he’s part of a couple now, too.”

With this, we both looked into the kitchen again, where William was pouring glasses of wine, one for him, one for Matt. He must have sensed our attention, because he turned, blushing slightly, then looked flustered. Matt, however, waved cheerily. I waved back.

“To be honest, I never thought something like this would happen for me,” my mom said now, coming around to stand beside me. “You just get to the point where you think, well, that’s over, you know? That part of my life. I was okay with it. I had what I thought I needed: you, and William, my work. It all made sense.”