Notes on a Nervous Planet(32)
The echoes of historical shame are everywhere in our words. For another example, when we talk about someone ‘battling their demons’ we are conjuring up those Dark Age superstitious ideas of madness as the work of the devil.
And all this talk, over and over, of bravery: it would be nice one day if a public figure could talk about having depression without the media using words like ‘incredible courage’ and ‘coming out’. Sure, it is well intentioned. But you shouldn’t need to confess to having, say, anxiety. You should just be able to tell people. It’s an illness. Like asthma or measles or meningitis. It’s not a guilty secret. The shame people feel exacerbates symptoms. Yes, absolutely, people are often brave. But the bravery is in living with it, it shouldn’t be in talking about it. Every time someone tells me I am brave I feel like I should be scared.
Imagine if you were heading for a quiet walk in the forest and someone came up to you.
‘Where are you going?’ she asks.
‘I’m going to the forest,’ you tell her.
‘Wow,’ she gasps, stepping back.
‘Wow what?’
And then a tear forms in her eye. She places a hand on your shoulder. ‘You’re so brave.’
‘Am I?’
‘So incredibly brave. An inspiration, in fact.’
And you would gulp, and go pale, and be permanently put off going into the forest.
Additionally, there is still a lingering toxic idea that people share mental health issues for ‘attention’.
That attention people seek can save lives.
But, as C.S. Lewis once put it, ‘The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken”.’
We should work towards making this a world where it is easier to talk about our troubles. Talking isn’t just about raising awareness. As the various successful types of talk therapy have shown over the last century, talk can have medicinal benefits. It can actually ease symptoms. It heals the teller and the listener through the externalising of internal pain and the knowledge that others feel like we do.
Never stop talking.
Never let other people make you feel it is a weakness or flaw inside you, if you have a mental health problem.
If you have a condition like anxiety, you know that it isn’t a weakness. Living with anxiety, turning up and doing stuff with anxiety takes a strength most will never know. We must stop equating the condition with the patient. There needs to be a more nuanced understanding of the different pressures people feel. Walking to a shop can be a show of strength if you are carrying a ton of invisible weight.
Psychogram chart
(pg = psychograms)
Imagine if we could come up with a way to measure psychological weight as we each feel it. Wouldn’t that be helpful in bridging the mental and the physical? Wouldn’t that help people realise the reality of stress? Wouldn’t that help us cope with the stresses of modern life? Humour me. Let’s call this imaginary unit a psychogram.
‘Oh no, I can’t check my emails. I’ve had my limit of psychograms today.’
Walking through a shopping centre
1,298pg
Phone call from the bank
182pg
Job interview
458pg
Watching the news
222pg
A full inbox of unanswered emails
321pg
Your tweet that no one likes
98pg
Guilt from not going to the gym
50pg
Guilt from neglecting to phone close relatives
295pg
Observing how old/overweight/tired you look
177pg
Fear of missing out on a party you see on social media
62pg
Realising you posted a tweet with a spelling mistake
82pg
A worrying symptom you have googled
672pg
Having to do a speech
1,328pg
Looking at images of perfect bodies you’ll never have
488pg
Arguing with an online troll
632pg
An awkward date
317pg
Paying utility bills on credit cards
815pg
The realisation that it is Monday and you have to work
701pg
Having your job replaced by a robot
2,156pg
The things you haven’t done but wish you had