Not Your Villain (Sidekick Squad #2)(79)

“I thought we were more important,” Jess hiccups.

“You are,” Bells says. “If she doesn’t see that, then she doesn’t deserve you.”

“I said some dumb things, but she—”

“You can talk to her later,” Emma says.

“She’s so mad at me, though.”

“I think she’s mad at the situation, not you, and the relationship got dragged into it.”

Jess sniffles. “I just— It was so hard to get used to, but I liked it. I liked being part of a couple, and we just— I don’t want to—” She sighs.

Bells locks eyes with Emma and raises his eyebrows, silently asking, you got something to distract her? Bells doesn’t think Jess wants to hear about how itchy his feet are. He shakes his head.

Yeah, I got something, Emma nods.

“I broke up with Carlos,” she says.

“What? Why?”

Emma shrugs. “I dunno. I was tired of making up excuses when I was doing Sidekick Squad stuff, and then he didn’t get it when I said I was dropping out of school. I mean, I left out a lot of details, but said Bells had gone missing, and I was going to find him, and it was very stressful, okay? None of us knew what happened to you, Bells, and he was just like, ‘Why not just let the Authorities handle it, babe?’ And I was just done.

“I mean, there was a lot of stuff that I wasn’t ever gonna tell him about, and I didn’t want to tell him about, you know?” Emma strokes Jess’ hair. “I liked making out with him and everything and maybe I’d be interested in being friends, too, but he wanted to tell his friends we were boyfriend-girlfriend, and he made a big deal about me meeting his parents, and he made this comment about how he wished he could have been my escort for my quincea?era, which was ages ago.” She makes a face. “I guess I didn’t really like him that much after all.”

Bells puts his hand on Emma’s shoulder and doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t need to speak, just wants her to know he’s here for her.

Jess is definitely distracted, and they chat a little more about Carlos, and then Bells finds a saved copy of Vindicated on his DED, and they watch it together, just like old times, and fall asleep to the sound of car chases and explosions.

Emma is quiet the next day and she pokes listlessly at her breakfast and doesn’t even talk when Brendan brings up ideas. “I’m gonna take a walk; I’ll see you guys later.”

Jess and Brendan are caught up in discussion, and Abby is still holed up in her quarters, so Bells excuses himself and goes to look for Emma.

Early in their exploration of the headquarters they found a spot that offers a view of the outside world. A narrow ladder goes up an access chute and out onto a cliffside observation deck. The original residents of the bunker must have only used it as a lookout. Bells hasn’t gone up there, just heard from the others how cool it was.

Bells takes a deep breath, climbs the ladder a step at a time, and finds Emma at the top, sitting and watching the sky.

She turns and raises a questioning eyebrow. “What are you doing up here?”

“Thought you would want some company.”

“Not really, but I’ll make an exception for you.” Emma scoots back from the edge and sits next to the wall.

Bells sits next to her, far from the deck’s edge. The snow is glistening in the morning sun, the wind sweeps through the trees, and the clouds slowly puff across the sky.

Emma hugs her knees, and Bells leans against her. Sighing, she puts her head on his shoulder. He doesn’t know how long they sit there, watching the sun race across the sky, but he doesn’t question it, just lets Emma take her time.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Emma says. “I mean, when I think about it, there was nothing wrong with Carlos, you know?”

Bells shrugs. “But you didn’t like him like that. It’s a good enough reason to break up, I think.”

“Look, I thought I— I never really got the relationship stuff. I know that you’re supposed to, that’s what normal people do, but I’ve never felt…” Emma trails off, lost in thought. “I mean, I’ve researched it a lot, but I never thought it fit exactly, but sometimes I think I really could be… but what if I’m not?”

Bells throws his arm around her shoulders, waiting.

“I could be asexual,” Emma says slowly. “I’ve thought about it. And then I think, well that doesn’t… I mean, I find people attractive, you know. Like, a lot.”

Bells turns to look at her. “Doesn’t mean you’re not somewhere on the spectrum, you know. Look, it’s a pretty broad term. You could be ace or aro or both or somewhere in between—”

“I’ve thought of that too, being aromantic, and that makes a lot of sense?” Emma pauses, looking back at Bells through her lashes, and then her cheeks flush. “Not all the time, though. I mean… I still don’t know.”

“And that’s okay too,” Bells says.

“Okay,” Emma says.

The clouds tumble across the sky, and for a long moment the world outside doesn’t matter. Emma interlaces their fingers, and they sit, watching the forest sway.

“When we get back, you could talk to Sean,” Bells says. “He’s asexual and aromantic. He figured it out before he got to college, but he knows a lot more about it now.”