Not Pretending Anymore(91)

She leapt into my arms again. “I love you so much, Declan. You make me incredibly happy. And I know my dad is smiling down right now.”

I shook my head. “I hope this is enough to prove once and for all that I’m not gay.”





EPILOGUE




* * *



Molly



It was Saturday morning, and Declan had just returned to the apartment. He’d gotten up early and left while I was still sleeping, so I was seeing him for the first time.

“How was it?” I asked, greeting him at the door by wrapping my arms around his neck.

“It was good. I met a kid today who reminded me a lot of myself.”

“I’m really proud of you for doing this.”

“Honestly, it’s helped me more than it helps them. It’s taken the focus off of me, and that can be a good thing.”

I gave him a peck on the lips. “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

Declan volunteered every Saturday morning at a teen crisis center in the city. He mentored kids going through tough times—many experiencing depression, something he understood firsthand.

“I think the biggest difference between me today and the man I was a year ago is that I don’t doubt myself anymore, whether I’m worthy of certain things. Now I just choose self-compassion, even if things aren’t certain. But you have to have a solid foundation to take that risk. You’ve been my foundation—the one sure thing that allows me to believe in myself.”

I kissed him again. “Well, it’s been my pleasure, Mr. Tate. You’ve brought a lot to my life, too, you know.”

After Declan quit his job to stay in Chicago, he was unemployed for a few months. We’d made the most of that time. He’d kept the apartment sparkling clean and constantly cooked delicious food. I’d used my vacation time and we went out to California so I could meet Declan’s family. It was definitely an experience getting to meet all of his sisters and taking a day to travel to San Luis Obispo to see Catherine at the convent. I’d laughed every time one of his sisters called him “Scooter.”

Not only was it great to observe his family dynamic, but I got to know Declan’s parents as well. We slept at their house and stayed up late talking with them on their back deck. I was surprised that Declan was so open with his mother. She even talked about her experience with bipolar disorder as it related to Declan’s fears.

So between the California trip and getting Declan all to myself for a while, I’d cherished those first few months. But we were both relieved when he finally found a job at a local advertising firm.

Now, over a year later, things had settled into a routine. I had graduated to a level at work where I no longer had to work Saturdays or Sundays. I had a set schedule now of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And I couldn’t have been happier about that, because it had really sucked not getting to hang out with Declan on weekends.

I really appreciated lazy Saturdays like today. Now that Declan was home from his volunteer work at the teen center, I would have him all to myself.

“What’s the plan today?” I asked.

“I have a few errands to run, actually. You good to hang out here for a bit while I do them?”

“I guess so…”

“Unless you haven’t eaten yet? I can make you something for breakfast first.”

“No. I ate a bagel while you were at the center.”

“Cool. Perfect then. I shouldn’t be too long.”

“What do you have to do?”

“Just the usual Saturday stuff,” he said. “Cleaners. Get to the bank before they close at noon. Stuff like that.”

“Okay, well… Hurry back. Although, it’s not like I don’t have a ton of our laundry to keep me company while you’re gone.”

“How lucky am I that my girlfriend actually likes doing my laundry now when I used to use it as a punishment?” He winked.

“It’s the least I can do, considering you do all of the cooking around here.”

He brought me in for a kiss. “I love you. See you in a bit, okay?”

“Love you, too.”

After Declan left, I went downstairs to the laundry room in our building. I threw a load of clothes into the washer and headed back upstairs.

When I returned to the apartment, I noticed an envelope laying on the ground outside the door.

I opened it, thinking it might have been one of those solicitations from cleaning services.

Instead it was a note—in Declan’s handwriting.



Did you know it was two years ago today that I first left those cupcakes at your door? That was the same day you gave me a penis pass and let me move in. How about we mark the occasion by making this Saturday extraordinary? To celebrate, I’m sending you on a little scavenger hunt. So grab your tennis shoes and go to your first destination. Here’s a clue: Because my girl loves to eat, it’s the only place where the gnocchi has mine beat.



“Nonna’s!” I said out loud, my voice echoing in the hallway.

Oh my gosh. What is this all about? Is he there waiting for me? I rushed inside and went in search of my tennis shoes.

The weather outside was perfect for a stroll through the neighborhood. When I arrived at Nonna’s, I wasn’t sure exactly what to do, though. As I entered the front door, it looked like they were just setting up for the Saturday lunch crowd. There was no sign of Declan.