Not Perfect(33)

“They don’t usually bring bread at lunch, but I’m going to ask for some,” Tabitha said. If she filled up on bread she could get away with ordering something small—soup maybe, or that great butter lettuce salad. Plus, they had some of the best bread and butter she’d ever tasted.

“Sure! I want this to be a celebration,” Rachel said. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Tabitha squinted her eyes the tiniest bit at Rachel, trying to get a sense of what she wanted to talk about, but Rachel just smiled and looked at the menu.

“Can I get you started with some drinks?” a server asked.

“Yes!” Rachel said quickly. “Two glasses of prosecco please.”

Tabitha was already calculating the prices.

“Are you ready to order?” the server asked. “Or should I grab your drinks and come back?”

“We’re ready,” Rachel said. “We’ll have the shrimp cocktail, the Welsh rarebit, the butter lettuce salad, the shepherd’s pie, and the fish and chips.” It was everything they usually ordered, everything Tabitha loved, but she had planned to say she wasn’t that hungry today. Now that seemed too conspicuous.

“All great choices,” the server said before walking away.

“So,” Rachel said, putting her hands on the table and looking right at Tabitha. “First, let me say this is totally my treat. I am going to ask you for something, and even if you say no, I want to take you to lunch. Okay? Agree to that before I tell you about the thing.”

Tabitha tried not to look so over-the-top thrilled. “Yes, I agree. Thank you.”

“Okay, good,” Rachel said. “Oh, you forgot to ask for the bread!”

“That’s okay,” Tabitha said. “We’re getting so much good food.”

“Okay,” Rachel said, and Tabitha realized she was stalling. She was clearly nervous. She was breathing heavily through her mouth, even though they’d been sitting for a while already. “So, you know Michael and I broke up a little over six months ago. I mean, of course you know that, but I’m just setting the scene. And you know we broke up because he didn’t want to take the next step, or the one after that, or any future steps with me at all, which really sucked.”

For a minute, Tabitha thought Rachel would cry. It had taken her four months to be able to mention Michael without crying. She watched as Rachel shook her head.

“Again, just setting the scene,” she said. “This is not about him.”

“Okay, good,” Tabitha said, encouragingly.

“And I’m just tired of waiting for the right guy. I’m worried that I’ll find someone I like, someone who seems to like me, and then I’ll waste a year or two years, and I’ll end up right back in this same place, only older.”

“No, that won’t happen,” Tabitha said, reaching across the table and patting Rachel’s hand.

“Just hear me out,” Rachel said.

The server brought over the prosecco. It was bubbly and delicious looking in its tall, elegant glass.

“Cheers,” Tabitha said, holding hers up.

“Oh shoot, I didn’t time this right,” Rachel said. “I meant to be finished with my speech so we could toast. Oh well, cheers!”

They clinked glasses, and Tabitha took a huge, long sip. Then she stopped herself. She wanted to make it last.

“I’m just going to get to the point,” Rachel said, looking down at her lap and fiddling with her napkin. “I want to have a baby, and I’m just going to do it. Or, at least, try to do it. And while I don’t think I need a man, although, don’t get me wrong, if it all worked out and the right person came along and he didn’t mind that I had a baby, I would be very open to that. But that might never happen. And I know I can’t do it totally alone, so before I do anything—before I look into a sperm donor and find out about insemination—I wanted to ask you if you would be part of my support system. I would want you to be the baby’s godmother, but I would count on you for more than that, if you agree to this. For example, if I was really going crazy and needed a minute or sixty, I would call you and see if I could drop the baby off. If I was sick, I might ask you for help. If the baby was sick and freaking out and I didn’t know what to do, I might ask you for help. You get the picture, right? You are such a great mother—you seem to have it so together—and Levi and Fern are such great, great kids. I mean, I’ve been paying extra attention lately, and you really make them your priority. I mean, if they need you, you don’t just skip out and go to yoga class. You are there for them. That’s the kind of mother I want to be. I could really learn from you. What do you think? There is nobody I would rather do this with.”

The words hung in the air, and if Tabitha weren’t so truly dumbstruck, she might have laughed or said that sounded a little like a marriage proposal. But Tabitha had to use her energy to keep her mouth from dropping open and from saying, Are you crazy? I’m a total mess.

Rachel leaned in. “I know things aren’t great with Stuart,” she said quietly. “At least that’s what I’ve been assuming. But that hasn’t stopped you from taking amazing care of your kids. Where is Stuart, by the way?”

Again, Tabitha squinted her eyes. Was this a joke? Was this Rachel’s way of getting her to confess? No, she honestly didn’t think so.