Not Perfect(20)

“I’m working on it.”



On Saturday morning everyone had someplace to go—Fern to Sarina’s and Levi to his friend Butch’s to play Call of Duty on Butch’s PS4—so Tabitha happily made it to the yoga class without any problems, hoping she and Rachel might be able to spend the day together. After, though, Rachel had to get ready to go to work, and Tabitha wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She went home and showered. She wasn’t there thirty minutes before she couldn’t stand being in the quiet apartment. The last thing she needed was time to sit around and think, so she decided to go to the Fox & Hound for the Michigan game. She told herself it was because of the food, but the truth was she was lonely and didn’t really know where else to find company, especially with people who didn’t know her and wouldn’t ask the difficult questions. She pulled Stuart’s T-shirt out from under the covers, smoothed out the wrinkles, and put it on over a white long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans. She chose her navy Converse.

It was so crowded when she got there that she thought about leaving. This was a mistake. She might be lonely, but this looked miserable. She was just turning around when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, Tabitha!”

It was Henry, Stuart’s good friend. They had lived in the same hall freshman year. She didn’t know how to respond. What was she thinking, coming here?

“Hey, Henry! It’s so nice to see you.”

“Here for the big game?”

No, just here to steal some food, she thought. “Yeah, Stu’s out of town, as you probably know, so I thought I would hold down the Michigan fort for both of us.”

“Huh, that’s unlike you,” he said, squinting his eyes at her but not necessarily in an unfriendly way. “Doesn’t he usually have to drag you here kicking and screaming?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘kicking and screaming,’” Tabitha said.

“I was actually thinking of calling you,” Henry said, and she was glad he was off the topic of why in the world she would come to watch a Michigan game in a sports bar when Stuart was away. Henry was such a slow talker. It bugged Tabitha. It had always bugged her. “I haven’t heard from Stu in a while. I was getting a little worried. I’ve left him a few voicemails and an email. I thought for sure he’d be here for the big game.”

“His trip keeps getting extended,” she said, smiling and nodding, acting like it was no big deal. “He should be back soon. Those miners’ contracts are always so complicated. And I think there was some talk of a strike. You know what that’s like—right? The not-so-romantic life of a lawyer? Especially one who singlehandedly runs his own firm.” She hoped Henry wouldn’t guess that she was completely making stuff up, so she added some facts into the mix. It was true that Stuart started his own firm about seven years ago, after working at huge law firms for years before that. It was also true that he somehow became specialized in mining issues, representing the actual miners’ unions in far-flung places around the country, something Tabitha always found a little odd. Whenever she asked Stuart why he chose this niche, he always waved her off, saying someone had to represent them. Now, though, with everything that she had learned before Stuart left, it didn’t seem quite so odd. Calculated might be a better way to describe it.

Henry was just about to say something; it took him a long time, moving his head up then down, getting his tongue ready to talk. Why did Stuart like him so much? It took him five minutes to say what it would take someone who talked at a normal pace one minute to say. What a waste of time. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live with him. As he opened his mouth, she spotted the man from the other night. His name was on the tip of her tongue. What was it? Oh yeah, Toby.

“Oh, hey, I see someone I want to say hi to,” she said, before Henry got his next word out. “But I’ll tell Stu to give you a call the next time I talk to him.”

“Okay, but,” Henry managed to say, but she was waving over her shoulder and walking toward Toby.

It took about two seconds for her to feel bad. Henry had always been kind to her. She didn’t mean to be mean. She was just so afraid he’d catch her in this lie. She turned to him and smiled and waved again. He did the same back to her, looking perfectly happy. Good, at least she hadn’t hurt his feelings.

Now she wondered if she could avoid Toby. She didn’t really want to talk to him, she just wanted to get away from Henry. What if he asked her more about her time at Michigan? But Toby spotted her, too, and was heading her way.

“How’s your daughter feeling?” he asked right away. He talked at a normal speed, which she appreciated more than usual. Also, he looked her right in the eyes, which felt good.

“It’s so nice of you to remember. She’s fine now, thank you,” Tabitha said. “When I got back that night, my son had it. It was awful, but he’s okay now, too.”

“Did you hold up okay?” Toby asked, like he really cared. The feeling she got reminded her of the time shortly after Levi was born when she had an appointment with the dentist. It was her first time out of the house in weeks, it seemed, and definitely the first time out alone. Stuart was home with the baby. She was so tired, so unprepared for what she had gotten herself into. When the dentist took a seat next to her and asked how she was, like he really meant it, looking right at her and patting her warmly on her hand, she had started to cry. He had been so sincere. She had been starting to wonder if she didn’t count anymore, if only the baby counted.