Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(81)

Dr. Carr placed her notebook on the side table then sat back in her chair. She took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before putting them back on. “Remember when I asked you to really think about what you were afraid of?”

I thought back, trying to recall that particular session. I started nodding as the memories returned. It was at the tail end of my emergency session.

“Did you ever identify that fear?”

I sat forward, with my elbows resting on my knees. The palms of my hand massaged my forehead. I nodded again. “Um…” I sat up to look at her. “Yeah, maybe.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Maybe?”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Ninety-nine percent of the time I felt like a fraud. Like I said, they wanted me better, so that’s what I showed. So...I...I guess my biggest fear was having someone see through the facade. I feared...I fear being vulnerable.”

“What does that word mean to you?”

I sat back, pulling my knees to my chest. “Being weak, incapable of taking care of myself. All the stuff I said last week...I thought if they knew it’d be more pity, and disappointment.”

“You keep saying ‘they.’ Who is they exactly?”

I shrugged. “My parents. Macy.” I looked at the ring on my finger. I thought about what he’d said when he gave it to me. The promises he’d made. “Malcolm. Him more than anyone, actually. He went into this thing with me under false pretenses. Thinking I was a different person. A better person. A stronger person than I actually am.”

“And now?”

I looked up at her. “Huh?”

“Does Malcolm know differently now? Have you allowed him to see the person you consider to be the real you?”

I gave a curt laugh and nodded. “Yeah. Not intentionally, but yeah he knows.”

“So, you’ve showed him your vulnerability.”

I nodded.

“And how did he react? Was he disappointed in the real you?”

I shook my head. “He was upset that I felt like I had to hide things.”

“That’s understandable. You have a good support system, Calida. You need to utilize them.”

“You sound like him.”

She smiled. “It takes a strong person to let others see you at your lowest.”

“I guess, but it doesn’t feel that way.”

“It never does.”





Chapter 44


Malcolm





I finished off my beer. “What the fuck, man? It’s like I’m playing with a bunch of babies.” I complained, watching as another one of my teammates walked right into enemy fire.

At this rate, I’d be completing this mission on my own.

I took out another opponent. “Woo! Another one bites the dust. G, man, you see that? I got this mission on lock.”

I was nearly to the destination when a reflection appeared on the TV screen. “Oh shit!”

I looked back to see Ginger standing in the kitchen with Shawn. G started cussing at me through the headphones.

“Fuck, man. My bad. Gotta go.” I exited the game while he was still cussing, and took off my headphones.

She put Shawn down, and he came running over to me.

“What up, buddy?” He balled up his little fist to give me a pound.

I strode over to Ginger, putting my hand on her lower back, I leaned down to give her a kiss. “Did I miss a call?”

She shook her head. “Sorry for just showing up.”

“Baby, never apologize for coming over. You caught me a little off guard, but I’m more than happy to see you.”

My phone started buzzing on the table. I knew that was probably G, wondering why I bailed.

“You gonna answer that?”

“Nah. It’ll just be a pissed off G.”

“Did I get you killed?”

“Just a lil bit, but it’s all right.”

Shawn fought to get down. He made a beeline for the controller and started banging it on the table.

“Shawn, no.” She pulled toys from the bag on her shoulder as she walked over to him. “Here. You can’t play with Malcolm’s expensive toys.” She pried the controller from his fingers, giving him some toy trucks as a trade.

“First, it’s a remote, not a toy. And it’s not all that expensive.” I walked over, picking up my headset to move it out of his reach. “I’d like to not have to replace this, though. Got it in China. They don’t sell this model in the states.”

She shook her head, laughing. “Like I said, expensive toys.”

I watched her eyes travel down my body as she finally paid attention to my state of dress. Or undress, in this case. I wore only a pair of black boxer briefs.

Her gazed lingered and she pressed her lips together, trying to hide her smile. “Um...maybe I should have called.”

I shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me.”

She diverted her eyes over to Shawn, who was headed to the stairs. “Get back here, you.” She scooped him up, and brought him back to the living room with us. She took a seat on the floor with Shawn. “Do you always spend your Saturday afternoon in just your underwear?”

“If I don’t have plans, and not expecting visitors. Make yourself at home.”