Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(69)

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Okay?”

“But you didn’t want—and I threw myself at you anyway.”

“Hold up. You think I’m leaving because I’m bothered by the fact you initiated sex?”

She nodded. “I did more than that, Mal. You told me no, and I kept trying. I...I was going to apologize when I called, but I chickened out. You didn’t seem mad or upset, but now you’re leaving me…”

“Because I’m not. Baby, let’s get one thing straight. I have zero problem with being your dick on demand. Believe that.”

Ginger’s eyes got wide before she started laughing. “Oh...oh my god,” she said, fanning her face as she tried to catch her breath. “I love that you can do that.”

“Do what?”

“Make me laugh.” She rested her head on my shoulder.

I reached up to caress her cheek. “I do too.”

We sat quiet for a little while. Ginger intertwined her fingers with mine.

I was the one to break the silence. “You cried. Afterwards. And they weren’t happy tears. That wasn’t exactly the reaction I expected after we were together for the first time, and words can’t describe how much that bothered me. Knowing I played a role in causing you that kind of pain, or distress, whatever. Then the next morning...hearing you had regrets...not exactly something you want to hear coming from the person you love.”

Ginger sat up to look at me before climbing back into my lap. She placed her hands on either side of my face and rested her forehead against mine. “I’m still learning to use my words.” She paused, and gave a small smile. “I’m sorry, Mal, for making you feel like that.” She readjusted herself on my lap.

I let out a long, low groan. “This is why I need to go. I am in physical pain with how much I want you right now. But...the next time we’re together, I want there to be no regrets. And the only tears you should have are because I rocked your world so much you are at a loss for words, so crying is the only option.”

Her head tilted. “Really? It’d be that good, huh?”

I smiled. “Without a doubt.”

She leaned forward, laying her head on my shoulder. I loved the feel of her in my arms, and I had no problem holding her as often as she needed, so I tried to ignore the weight of her glorious ass pressing down on me. I tried to put my thoughts on anything other than my waning self-control.

“You didn’t make me cry, Mal. I mean you did, but...this isn’t coming out right.”

My fingers drew circles on her back. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

“The...the idea of sex was repulsive to me for the obvious reasons, but it was more than that.”

Ginger pulled away. Her sudden action caught me by surprise. She covered her face with her hands. I watched as she shook her head, while mumbling to herself. Taking ahold of her wrists, I gently pulled her hands away from her face. She still wouldn’t look at me, so I dipped my head down to get in her line of sight.

“Whatever it is, Ginger, it’s okay. I promise.”

“Please don’t leave me. I hate being alone at night.”

“I’ll stay.”

She looked up at me and gave a sad smile. “Thank you.”

“Now, will you tell me what has you so upset?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Of me?”

She quickly shook her head. “No. Of me, of what you’ll think of me. That you’ll think less of me.”

I brought her hand to my lips. “There’s not a chance in hell of that happening. I want you to trust me. To feel comfortable talking to me.”

She pulled her hand free and started twisting the ring around her finger. Her eyes fixated on that action while she took slow breaths and nibbled on her lower lip.

“Would it be better if I were naked?”

She frowned at me. “What? Why would that be better?”

“Isn’t that supposed to help people when they are scared to talk in front of crowds or something? Picturing the audience naked?”

She smiled. “The key part of that statement, Malcolm, is picturing them being naked, not them actually being that way.”

“True, but it would be weird to ask strangers to strip. I, on the other hand, am more than willing to make that sacrifice.”

She leaned over to kiss my cheek. “I appreciate your willingness to help.” Her smile faded. “You promise you won’t leave me?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

She nodded. The worry and fear of whatever she wanted to say was evident on her face. She reached for my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine, almost as if she was trying to keep me from running away.

“Sex was a requirement.” She paused, briefly looking up at me before focusing her attention on our joined hands.

I already didn’t like the direction of this conversation, and I prayed I’d be able to keep my emotions in check with whatever she was about to say.

“He wasn’t always...I mean, he didn’t always force me, not in that way. He would sometimes be romantic or—either way, I would respond, react.”

She looked up at me as if she hoped I understood her meaning. I did. Thankful she didn’t want to go into too much detail. I could only handle so much when hearing about her sex life with that bastard.