Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(56)

“Fuck!”

Throwing the covers back, my eyes scanned the floor for something to put on. I shoved my legs into a pair of jeans, not bothering to button them up. The doorbell rang again.

“Whoever the fuck is down there better be near death ringing my fucking bell like that!”

I bounded down the steps, flipping on the light in the hall as I walked toward the door. I unlocked it, ready to cuss out whoever was on the other side. All annoyance drained away when I saw Calida. She stood on my front porch in the middle of the night red-eyed, wearing an over-sized T-shirt, and a pair of shorts. She held a sleeping Shawn cradled in her arms.

I took a long blink, certain I had to be dreaming. “Calida? What…is something wrong?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know…can I come in?” Her voice held a raspy undertone.

I shook the fog from my head. “Yeah, yeah…of course.” I stepped to the side.

She walked in, softly cooing to Shawn who’d started to wake.

“Here, let me take him.” I took the sleeping child without waiting on an answer.

I turned to take him upstairs. She didn’t move. She simply stood in the foyer. The playpen Macy’d left here remained set up in the room meant for Shawn. He fussed when I put him in it, so it took me a few minutes to get him settled down. As I rubbed his back, my thoughts raced with reasons for her being here. She’d been ignoring my attempts to reach her since she sent me home Monday.

I’d spent the last two days talking myself out of driving to her place to speak with her. I figured it would be pointless, since she probably wouldn’t open the damn gate to let me in. On top of that, I needed to respect her wishes, and she’d made them clear. She wanted to be left alone. But now she was here, in the middle of the night.

Pulling the door closed behind me, I exited Shawn’s room. The house was dark again. The only light came from the master bedroom. I found Calida sitting on the bed, her head hanging as she picked at her nails. When I leaned against the doorframe, the knob hit the wall. The sound caused her to look up. She gave me a weak smile, and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Taking careful steps, I made my way over and took a seat beside her. “Is everything okay?” She nodded in response. “You have a key and a garage door opener.”

She shrugged, turning her attention back to her hands. “I didn’t want you to think I was a burglar or something.”

“Ah…so ringing my doorbell like a mad woman worked out much better.” I gave a little laugh in an attempt to break some of the tension. It didn’t work.

Her knee started bouncing, and she kept twisting the ring I’d given her around in circles on her finger. She still wore it and the necklace.

“I’m sorry for just showing up like this.”

“It’s okay. And not that I’m not thrilled to see you, but why exactly are you here?”

Calida shrugged in response. “I...I’ve been thinking, about a lot of things, and I just…I just wanted to see you.” She looked at my legs and frowned. “You sleep in jeans?”

“Uh…no. I sleep in nothing, but didn’t think that was the best way to answer the door.”

“Oh…” she replied softly. A red flush crept into her cheeks.

I wanted to hug her, hold her hand, something, anything, but I refrained. Her comment about me not keeping my hands to myself lingered at the forefront of my mind.

“It’s late, you can take the bed.”

I eased off the bed and walked to my dresser to retrieve a pair of shorts. If I had to sleep in clothes, I needed something less restrictive than denim.

“Where are you going to sleep?”

“On the couch. My decorator helped me pick a comfy one, but she’s been slacking on filling up the remaining bedrooms,” I answered, turning to smile at her.

“You should probably fire her then,” she replied with a small laugh.

“I should, but since she’s rather sexy, I keep her around.” I waited for some retort, but it never came. “Okay…well, get some sleep.” I grabbed the shorts and started for the door.

“I don’t want to be alone.”

Her words stopped me in my tracks. There was a double meaning to that simple statement. I knew it, but needed to choose which path to take. “You don’t have to be. You just have to stop pushing me away,” I answered, choosing to take what could be the more dangerous route.

My reply was met with silence. I let out a heavy sigh, ready to head downstairs, but Calida got off the bed, coming to stand in front of me.

“I’m a mess, Malcolm. I thought I was doing better, but…I’m a mess.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist, buried her face in my chest, and started crying. The shorts dropped from my hands, and I closed my arms around her. I held her, while her tears ran down my naked torso.

“I…I…I’ve been so hurt…and you…you…I…I just don’t know. You…you keep saying you love me, bu…but I don’t know. I…I’m scared.”

The anguish in her words was like a knife in my heart. Each tearful stutter sliced through me. I held her, wishing there was a way I could absorb her pain. To free her from all of it. I couldn’t. I’d been a fool to believe I had enough love for the both of us to heal her broken heart. That if I’d loved her enough, she’d see she wasn’t the shell of a woman she thought she was.