Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(4)
The moment we got to her car, Ginger dug through her purse to retrieve her keys.
“Let me take you home.”
She stopped rummaging and hesitated a moment before she looked up at me. Her eyes were wide, and color had drained from her face. “Malcolm, I—”
“It’s not what you think.”
Her parents had hinted to it earlier, so I already knew the first thought that popped into her head. I looked forward to the day I could make love to her, but I knew today was not that day. It was too soon, for both of us. Simply falling asleep holding her in my arms, that would be a dream, but she wasn’t ready for that either. She barely wanted me to hug her.
“You’ve had a little too much to drink, and I’d feel better driving you home. I’ll crash on the couch.”
“Oh. I’ll be fine. I mean, I am fine.”
I started to object, but she put her hand up to silence me. “Malcolm, today…all of this. I need time…to process.”
I’d gotten more than I’d expected, so I dropped it. I stepped toward her, and she took a step back. I remembered the look of fear she had on her face at the house. And the panicked looked she’d just given me at the suggestion.
I moved back to give her more space. “I understand.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
Relieved. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t personal. I tried to tell myself it was because of what he’d done to her, but it still stung.
She unlocked her car and started to climb in, but stopped. She hesitated for a moment before she walked over, stretched up on her tiptoes to put her arms around my neck, and hugged me. My eyes closed. I let my arms wrap around her slender waist, and I held her tight, reveling in the moment of Ginger initiating contact with me. Something she hadn’t done in two years.
“I love you, Ginger,” I whispered.
She tensed then pulled away. “Goodnight, Mal.”
I stood in the parking lot until she drove off. The day hadn’t gone exactly as I’d hoped, but it could’ve been worse. She could have turned me down, but she didn’t. Somehow I’d managed to save what could’ve been a colossal fuck-up on my part.
Chapter 2
Calida
Once I pulled into the garage, I turned off the car and let my head rest on the steering wheel. I’d thought about going to pick up Shawn, but he was probably already in bed. Plus, Mom would want to know why I wasn’t with Malcolm. I didn’t want to have that talk with my mother.
Malcolm. I looked at the ring he’d given me. I’d told him I didn’t want this. I’d told him to find some other woman to date. He’d never had a shortage of women that wanted him, but he’d refused. He wanted to prove his commitment to me. Now, everyone acted like we were engaged. Momma D, and Mom talked about wedding plans. On top of that, my mom—my—own mother thought I was going to jump into bed with him. Then he asked me to spend the night. Why would he do that? Because he didn’t know. No one knew, and it needed to stay that way.
I climbed out and slammed the car door. Pressing the button on the wall, the garage door hummed to life and closed out the rest of the world. I paused before entering the house. I didn’t want to go into the dark and empty place alone, but that was my only choice. The house was eerily quiet; I hadn’t expected to be out so late, even with the adjustment in my appointment time, so I hadn’t left any lights on. The moonlight streamed through the windows in the kitchen, casting creepy shadows along the floor. I hung my keys on the key rack next to where Seth’s still hung.
I’d decorated every room in this place, but it’d never felt like home. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to leave. None of them understood it, and I couldn’t explain it to them. How could I tell them that here, of all places, was the one place I could let down my guard? Despite all that happened, I could come back here at the end of each day and simply be without having to worry about my actions. This had become my judgement free zone. I gave a bitter laugh at the irony.
My favorite room was Shawn’s, so that’s where I headed. At first, I’d hated that it was upstairs, since the master bedroom was located on the main floor. Then I realized it gave me the perfect and believable excuse for why I’d moved out of there; choosing, instead, to stay in the guest room next door to his.
I flipped the switch, flooding Shawn’s Thomas the Train themed room with light. I’d poured all my energy into decorating his room with the help of my ex-business partner, Kerrin. She’d asked if I’d return to work, but I couldn’t. A Woman’s Touch Design had been an illusion, like much of my life with Seth. He’d made me think the business had been mine, but in truth it’d been another way he’d held control over me.
The loneliness surrounded me as I stood in the center of Shawn’s vacant space. I wanted him here to hold, to talk to. I confided in my toddler more than I did Dr. Carr. More than I did anyone. I wanted him here, but my parents stole him away, thinking I needed alone time with Malcolm. There’d been a time when I would have jumped at that chance. Now, it was the one thing I didn’t want or need.
Closing my eyes, my fingers went to my lips, remembering the kiss Mal had given me. It stirred feelings in me I’d long thought to be dead. They needed to remain that way. The life I was building was all I needed. It was neat; simple. I’d constructed it that way, and that’s how it was supposed to stay. But Malcolm was no longer pacified with my excuses.