Night Road(32)

Down the hall, a door opened.

Lexi looked up, saw Eva coming her way. “You’ve been at that a long time.”

“College is expensive,” Lexi said with a sigh.

“I wish…”

“What?”

“How did I get to be this age with no money? I hate that I can’t help you more.”

Lexi felt a rush of affection for this woman who had changed her life, given her a place to belong. “Don’t say that, Eva. You’ve given me everything that matters.”

Eva looked down at her. She looked worried; the wrinkles around her mouth compressed into deep grooves. “I talked to Barbara today.”

“How is your sister? Still knitting enough blankets for a third world country?”

Eva sat down across from Lexi. “She wants me to move to Florida with her—after you graduate, of course. I wouldn’t even think of it, but … this weather is hell on my knees. We were thinking maybe you could come, too. There’s a beauty school right down the road. That’s a good trade. People always need their hair cut.”

Lexi tried to smile. She wanted to, but couldn’t quite find the strength. The idea of being without Eva was frightening, but Florida was so far away. How would she ever see Mia and Zach if she lived in Florida? And would she really have to choose between the people she loved? Was that part of growing up?

“I guess you’re thinking of your young man. You goin’ to school together, then?”

“No. We’ll see each other on vacations, though. I’ll be in Seattle and he’ll come home to see his parents.”

“So you got it all worked out.”

“All worked out.”

“You be careful, Lexi,” Aunt Eva said quietly. “I know what happens when boys get ready to go off to college. That’s when girls make bad choices. Don’t you be one of those girls.”

“I won’t be.”

Eva got slowly back to her feet. Lexi noticed how slowly her aunt moved now that the weather had turned cold. She patted Lexi’s shoulder and headed over to the hook by the front door, where her blue Walmart smock hung, waiting. She slipped it on and then put on her coat. “Off to work,” she said. “We got lots of Thanksgiving merch to display.” She turned. “I’ll get us a turkey. We can have a dinner with all the trimmings. Would you like that?”

“Love it.”

Eva opened the door and went out into the rainy darkness.

Only a moment or so later, there was a knock at the door. Her aunt must have forgotten something and locked herself out.

Lexi went to the door and opened it.

Zach stood on the top step, holding red roses. “I thought she’d never leave.”

“Zach! What are you doing here?”

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she was clinging to him like a drowning girl. “I had to see you,” he said finally, his breath as ragged as hers. Then he picked her up and carried her down the hallway. The whole house shook, and somewhere she dropped the flowers. He put her down on her narrow twin bed and covered her body with his, kissing her. When he pressed against her, she could feel his hardness through her jeans.

His tongue played with hers, and the feel of it pushed her toward something, a wanting—a needing—that was new and frightening and powerful. Without thinking about it, she pulled him onto her, so she could feel how much he wanted her.

He cursed and broke free, sliding off of her. At her confused frown, he tried to smile, but the look in his eyes was dark. She saw her own desire mirrored there. The difference was that he wasn’t afraid. “It’s better if we don’t do that,” he said shakily.

“I know,” she said, pulling her sweater back down. Her eyes stung, and she didn’t know why exactly, but she felt ashamed. She rolled onto her side, away from him. He tucked up against her, molded his body to hers.

“Why are you so afraid of me, Lexi? I don’t mean sex. I mean me. Why are you so sure I’ll hurt you?”

“Because I love you, Zach.”

“But I love you, too.”

She sighed. Zach’s view of love had been painted by his family; hers was a little darker. She knew how it felt to be abandoned by someone who’d claimed love. “Just hold me, Zach,” she said, settling deeper into his arms.

As they lay there, she stared at the floor. A single rose lay on the industrial gray carpeting, stepped on, its bright red blossom tattered and torn.

*

With winter break came the first round of college deadlines. By the time classes ended on the twenty-third of December, Lexi had mailed in most of her applications, and the waiting game had begun. She often woke in the middle of the night, with her heart pounding, a nightmare of rejection still hanging in the back of her mind. Zach and Mia were stressed out, too, but it wasn’t so bad for them. Sure, they wanted USC, but there were no bad answers waiting for them. The question for them wasn’t if they’d go to a four-year school; it was which one they would choose. The only one who seemed totally whacked out about the process was Jude, who couldn’t seem to have a conversation that didn’t include some college reference.

Tonight, Lexi was at the ice cream shop, working late. The school vacation gave business a shot in the arm. Families came downtown to Christmas shop, strolling from store to store beneath trees outlined in sparkling white lights.