Nate(94)

It had to be you.





But why? I don’t understand. Why me?

You’ll understand when you’re supposed to.

It’s something I always knew, deep down.





That made me pause.

Was I actually talking to my dead sister?

I must’ve hit my head harder than I thought. I mean, they were worried about a head injury.

I couldn’t help myself. One last thought.

Will I be a good enough mother?

You’ll be the best mother.

It’s the second reason I chose you.





I hoped she was right.

If she wasn’t, then I’d just blame my head injury.





53





Nate





It was three days later when they were letting Quincey come home. Thank the fucking God.

This was all a new experience in some ways and way too familiar in others. The hospital. Car accident. Those things had happened so much to the people I loved and me, so it was an old hat. But when that happened to your little girl’s new mom and your partner—it was terrifyingly new.

And I hated it.

Felt fucking exposed every day Quincey wasn’t here, home, next to me.

I raked a hand over my face and sighed, sitting back in my office chair. I’d been trying to get shit organized, and my meetings for the next week dealt with or postponed, but my mind was racing. I felt like I was scrambling, trying to catch up, and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

I didn’t know what all I was even catching up to also. It was like a foreign entity, one that I couldn’t quite grasp or understand, and it kept slipping out of my hands. I was paralyzed with fear, thinking I wouldn’t be able to grab it in time, only to watch it slip away once again.

Fuck if I understood what was going on with me.

A soft knock sounded on my door, and I looked up.

Mason was there. He lifted his head in a nod to me. “Mind if I come in?”

I expelled a ragged breath, my hand falling to my desk, and I nodded at the same time I moved my seat back. “Yeah. Please.” I stood as he came in, shutting the door.

I went over to the liquor cabinet. “Want something?”

“Whatever you’re having.”

I pulled out two glasses and poured brandy into both. Handing him one, I returned back to my desk and wheeled my chair sideways. I wasn’t facing him. I was facing the wall, but I glanced over. It didn’t feel right to sit facing him for some reason. This way was more of a camaraderie feel to it.

Fuck if I understood that, either.

Mason sipped his drink, his eyes narrowing on me. He leaned back in his chair, getting comfortable. “How are you?”

A short laugh burst from me. “You want the real version? The Logan version? Or the PG version?”

“I want the Nate version.”

Right. I just sighed, again. “I feel like I’m trying to paddle somewhere without a paddle, and if I don’t get there, I’m going to lose something so precious that I’ll never get it again. Ever.”

Mason’s eyebrows rose. “I have no clue how to respond to that.”

I shook my head. “Neither do I. I love her, and I don’t think I’ve loved anyone before because I’ve never felt this before. My sister, yes. You guys, yes. I love my parents, but we’re just not close, and that’s cool with me. But, man. Mase. With Nova and Quincey? I’ve never felt this before. They’re everything to me.”

He grunted. “Been there. Am there. I get it.”

“Fuck. Fuck, man.”

He tossed the rest of his brandy back, setting the glass on my desk as he hissed slightly. “Forgot that’s a sipper.”

I grinned, then tossed the rest of my drink down, too.

Yeah.

Sipper. I felt the burn, and today, it felt good.

I stood, grabbing the brandy bottle, and brought it back over. I poured both of us a second glass and leaned back. I held my glass up. “Cheers to falling in love and not knowing a goddamn thing what to do about it.”

Mason laughed but raised his glass up for a cheer.

We both sipped. We both hissed.

I eyed him, setting my glass back down. “It’s been nice having you here for a few days.”

“It was good timing. Sucks for what happened, but worked with my schedule. We’re heading back tomorrow. I need to get back in, but it’s been easier since I can watch the game tapes here.”

“Obliged.”

We sat in silence for a bit, and it felt right. It always felt right with my family, but Mason especially.

He leaned forward after a minute, setting his glass on the desk. A serious look came over him, and he looked down before looking back up. “Listen.” He sounded serious, too.

I straightened, rotating to face him more fully.

“At the risk of not wanting to jinx anything, I want to thank you for letting Logan and me help you. With Duke. Before.”

Mason glanced away.

It hit me then.

Mason was nervous.

I didn’t think I’d ever seen my best friend nervous.

I was humbled it was because of me.

“Dude.”

He looked up.

“What the hell are you talking about?”