My Name Is Venus Black(53)

I don’t wait for an answer. “I’ll see you there, bottom of the stairs,” and then I go put my apron back on. Julie says nothing about how I cut my break so short. But I can feel her watching me for the rest of my shift.



A few minutes before I’m off, she approaches me. “Did I hear that woman call you Venus?”

I nod.

“Was she a reporter?”

“I guess so,” I say. “You heard the conversation?” I must have been so distracted by the reporter that I hadn’t registered Julie’s whereabouts.

“I heard enough,” she says in a soft voice, cocking her head. “So, are there going to be a bunch of people coming in here to get a look at you? Are you Venus Black?”

“Yeah,” I admit. “I can’t fucking believe it, but I am.” I tear off my apron and hang it up for the last time. “I’m sorry I didn’t say so sooner,” I tell Julie, pulling on my coat and readying to leave. “I’m sorry I lied. I was trying to start over. I understand you’ll want to fire me.”

Julie gets a shocked look on her face. “Oh no!” She puts an arm around my shoulder, which makes me realize I’m shaking. “Fire you?” she says. “That’s the last thing my mom or I would do. Don’t take this wrong, but it might even bring more customers in.”

“Oh. Great,” I say, letting out a half laugh. “Customers can come look at me like a monkey in the zoo. But, hey, I guess it will mean more tips for everyone, right?” I can’t hold back the tears that threaten. I hurry off to use the bathroom before I go.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I can see my future. For the rest of my life I’ll plaster a smile on my face and fill breakfast orders for rude people. I will never have friends. I’ll never have a real boyfriend, much less get married. I’ll never go to college or pursue any of the old dreams. I’ll die a broken, bitter old spinster fondly remembered by no one, famous for being the nice, straight-A kid who put a bullet in her stepdad’s brain.





Leo is thirteen now, and he likes to tell people this. Thirteen is really old, Tessa says. Now he waits at the bus stop next to Tessa for his bus to come. He is wearing his blue backpack and carrying his cello. Every day he takes these two things to school. He wishes he could wear his backpack all the time, but Mrs. Langhorne says no.

The bus that is the wrong yellow comes two minutes after it is supposed to. Leo says goodbye to Tessa, like he’s been taught. Then he boards the bus and sits in the spot where he always sits. Once, another boy sat in his seat and Leo got mad. Then the driver got mad and there were red feelings everywhere.

On the way to school, he looks for blue things and names them aloud. Mr. Taft, his speech therapist who makes him talk a lot, wants Leo to make sentences with blue things in them, but he mostly just likes to find blue things. He looks out the window and sees a blue car in the next lane. “A blue car goes fast,” he begins. Then, “I like blue houses.”

Leo hears the boy sitting behind him saying the same blue things he says and then laughing. Leo doesn’t mind if other people say blue things.

After a while, he forgets about looking for blue and stares at the ribbon in the hair of the girl in front of him. It is just like Tessa’s. It is yellow and purple stripes. Purple and yellow are his new favorite colors. Leo sees these colors a lot when he’s at school. Tessa says they’re the school colors, even though the school is brown.



When the bus stops, Leo makes sure he has the two things before he stands up. Backpack. Cello case. Inside the school, he goes to the classroom where he belongs. He puts his cello in the back corner. He takes off his coat and hangs it on a knob. Then he slides his backpack under his desk and sits down.

His teacher says, “Good morning, Leo.”

He says back, “Good morning, Mrs. Langhorne.” He likes his teacher because she smells like lemons, and lemons are the right yellow and they even smell like yellow. But not to eat! One time, Leo took a bite of lemon and he spit it out. Tony laughed and Tessa got mad at Tony.

While he waits, Leo plays his cello in his head until the other kids make too much noise. The one called Stan talks too much and he gets to ride around in a silver chair with really big wheels. Leo is jealous of his chair and he wants one just like it, but Tessa says no. Mrs. Langhorne says no, too. Leo doesn’t like when people say no.

Mrs. Langhorne says it’s time for spelling. Leo looks at his watch. It is 8:32. Spelling should not start until 8:35, but he won’t get upset. He is learning not to get upset as much. But no matter when it starts, Leo hates spelling, because the words always break the rules.

After spelling comes science. This week they are on a chapter about the stars and planets. When he looks at the solar system in his book, he gets upset. He shakes his hand, like he’s been taught.

His teacher says, “Yes, Leo?” And Leo shouts, “Venus is not yellow. Venus is red!”

“Okay, Leo,” she says. “If you want Venus to be red, it can be red. I’ll even let you fix it in your book.”



While Leo uses a colored pencil to make Venus red, he names the planets like he used to with Venus.

“Well, that is very good, Leo!” she says. “You already know all the planets’ names and their order from the sun.”