My Name Is Venus Black(23)

He angrily grabs the bag and starts eating the Cheetos. Turns on the TV to drown out Leo’s banging. After Tinker has a few beers, he feels bad. He goes to the closet and opens the door. For a moment, he watches the kid hitting his head and making his moaning sounds.

“Shit, kid, I’m sorry,” Tinker says. “Do you want some bologna?”



* * *



—

BACK IN HER apartment, Tessa hears Leo knocking his head on the wall of his closet. She’s figured out by now that this is where he does it. She knows it means Leo is upset, and she feels terrible. The guilt eats at her the rest of the afternoon, so much that she plans to tell her dad that night what she’s been doing. But instead of coming up for dinner, he calls her from the shop and asks her to bring dinner down so he can eat between customers. “Got a long night, baby,” he says. “You deserve better.”

It’s one of her father’s favorite phrases. “You deserve better.” Which Tessa knows is her father’s way of saying, You deserve a mother.

Over the next two days, Tessa stays completely away from Leo’s apartment. She half-hopes that Phil will tell her dad she’s been sneaking into his apartment, because she doesn’t have the courage to do it herself. But for some weird reason, Leo’s dad doesn’t rat on her.

In the meantime, what if Leo is missing her? What if he thinks she left him all alone and isn’t coming back?

By the third day, she can’t bear it, and she goes to Leo’s door. But even before she goes to unlock it, she sees that a shiny new bolt lock has been installed.

To keep her out, she’s sure.



Her only hope of seeing Leo now is getting him to open the door.



* * *



—

SPOTS ON THE wall. Yellow. Leo puts his hands on the warm spot. He feels the yellow warm on the backs of them. He watches his fingers. He is still and watching. Eventually, the yellow moves. And he moves his hand again. Then the yellow is gone.

Leo looks at his watch and turns on the TV. It is time for Gilligan’s Island. But Venus is not here. He hears knocking. Three raps.

A voice is calling. It is interrupting! He blocks it out. The voice calls louder. Someone is shouting his name. It is the girl with the Cheetos. The girl who sings ABCs. He hears five raps on the door. The raps touch only a tiny part of his mind. He’s buzzing comfortably. He’s unwilling to break away. The knocks keep coming.

“Leo!” the girl calls. “I have Cheetos.”

Leo sees the bag in his mind. It is the right orange. He wants Cheetos.

“Open the door!” she calls.

Leo hears his father’s loud voice in his head. His father’s face is red. He remembers touching and pain. Never. Open. The. Door.

He sees the man with the orange hair. He says the same thing. Never. Open. The. Door.

The girl keeps knocking. She has black hair that is the right black. Her hands are the wrong brown. Sometimes she has a blue shirt that is the right blue. She brings him things. She doesn’t touch. She never yells. Leo wants her to come inside. Why won’t she come?





One sunny day in late March, Tinker stands in the supermarket, trying to think like a retard. After weeks of trying, he still hasn’t conquered breakfast. Once, he even cooked for the kid—made him a damn fine omelet—and Leo refused to take a single bite. It’s not like the kid is going to starve or get sick from eating bologna for breakfast. But feeding Leo is like trying to crack a code, and Tinker wants to win.

So far, Leo hates eggs, and bacon, too. He’s already tried two cereals—Apple Jacks and Trix. “Other kids love this shit,” he’d told Leo, digging into a bowl of Trix himself, milk dribbling down his chin. “What’s wrong with you, kid? It’s got round things and fun colors!”

Now he scans the cereal aisle and notices the Cheerios. They aren’t sweet, but Cheerios make sense, because you’d start eating those when you’re still in your high chair, before you got spoiled rotten by Inez. He’s about to grab a box, when he spots the Rice Krispies. Wait a second, he thinks. Snap! Crackle! Pop! And Leo likes rice. He says, “Rice is the right white!”

Tinker reaches for the box. “I got you this time, kid!” he says. He doesn’t even care that he’s startled an elderly woman reaching for Grape-Nuts. He can hardly wait to get home and see if he’s right.



As soon as he gets back to the apartment, he realizes Leo already had lunch. And he doubts Leo will eat breakfast in the middle of the afternoon.

Leo is spinning his plastic ball from the Mexican brat, when Tinker calls out to him, “Come here, Leo! Come right now!”

Usually, Leo obeys him. But this time Tinker has to take away the ball in order to get Leo to come to the table. Leo is starting to get upset, when Tinker shows him the box. “Rice Krispies, Leo! You want some Rice Krispies?”

Leo freezes. “Rice Krispies,” he repeats.

Tinker is always surprised when Leo speaks. Clearly, he has the kid’s full attention. But then Leo startles Tinker with loud grunts and squawking sounds. It takes Tinker a few moments to realize they mean Leo is excited.

“Yes, Leo,” Tinker says. “It’s Rice Krispies. You want some?” He brings a bowl and spoon to the table, where Leo has already positioned himself. He pours the milk on the cereal and watches Leo tilt his ear above the bowl to listen. Then he takes a bite. For the next five minutes, Tinker sits still and quietly watches Leo eat. With each bite, Leo tilts his head to listen, then eats a spoonful. Tilts, eats a spoonful. He isn’t smiling—he never smiles—but there’s a look on his face that makes Phil think he is happy.