Mrs. Fletcher(7)

“Actually,” Sanjay said, “I’m thinking about switching to Architecture. That’s my first love.”

I glanced across the table at Zack, but he was already reaching for his phone, swiping at the screen and tapping away with both thumbs. His text arrived a few seconds later: My first love is architecture!

I texted back: My second is sucking cock!!!

Zack snorted and we bumped fists across the table.

“Guess what Sanjay got on the Math SAT?” Dylan asked.

Nobody wanted to know, so the question just sort of floated away. Sanjay looked as relieved as the rest of us.

Will glared at Dylan. I don’t think he was mad. He just had one of those faces that looked pissed off a lot of the time. You couldn’t really blame him, I guess. He’d been one of the best high school linebackers in the state, heavily recruited by Division 3 schools, but he blew out his knee in the season opener of his senior year, and that was that. Full retirement at age seventeen.

“How come he’s not living in the Honors Dorm?” he asked, as if Sanjay couldn’t speak English and needed Dylan to translate.

“It’s too elitist,” Sanjay explained. “I don’t think we should have a separate dorm from everyone else. We’re all one community, right?”

My phone buzzed again. I figured it was Zack, but it turned out to be Becca.

Hows it going college boy

Out w the guys, I texted back.

Miss me?

I was tempted to tell her the truth—nope, not at all—but I took pity on her.

Sure

Can we skype later

going to a party

What time

Ten

How about 9:30 you owe me for this morning!!! Ha ha

I knew this would happen. That was why I’d dumped her in the first place, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this long-distance shit in college. But then last night I’d drunk-sexted her, begging to get with her one last time before I left town. She told me to fuck off, which I definitely deserved. I didn’t remember any of it until she showed up at my house in the morning, and totally ambushed me, in the best possible way. It’s your going-away present, she’d said, kneeling down in front of me and tugging on my boxers. And it was a great blowjob, too—way better than usual—but I didn’t think that meant we were back together, or that I owed her for anything, though I could see how she might feel otherwise.

Fine 9:30

Luv ya!

*

The pizza arrived—one large pepperoni, one large sausage, and one large cheese—and of course Sanjay turned out to be a vegetarian. We started giving him shit for it, until Dylan explained that it was a religious thing, which meant, according to PC regulations, that you weren’t allowed to joke about it.

“I forgot how much I love pizza,” Will told us. “I didn’t eat any all summer. Couldn’t even look at it.”

“Why not?” Rico asked.

Will shrugged. “I had a bad experience. You don’t want to hear about it while you’re eating.”

But we did, so he told us. The day after graduation, Will had gone to a party at this rich girl’s house, in the biggest McMansion he’d ever seen, with an indoor pool, a home gym, and something like eight bathrooms. The girl had been very clear that there wasn’t going to be any alcohol at the party, so Will had hit the pregame hard, multiple shots of Jack plus a THC-infused lollipop donated by someone’s uncle who suffered from chronic shoulder pain and had an understanding doctor. He had the munchies pretty bad when he got to the party, and it was like he’d walked into heaven—there was this amazing spread of fried chicken, lasagna, barbecue, an honest-to-goodness ten-foot-long sub, tons of great stuff. He’d already sampled a lot of it when the doorbell rang, and a delivery guy walked in with a stack of a dozen pizzas. A crowd had gathered around the buffet table, and one of Will’s buddies bet him twenty bucks he couldn’t eat a large pizza by himself. And not just any pizza. The one they call the Meat Bomb. Will said, Bring it on, bitch!

“No way,” said Rico.

“It was a throwdown,” Will explained.

He inhaled the first four slices like a machine. Midway through slice number five, though, he realized there was a problem.

“You know how it is. You’re feeling good, totally on top of your game. And then, out of nowhere, your stomach just clenches up and says, That’s enough, bro. Do not take another bite. But I still had three slices to go.”

“You didn’t eat them?” Rico said.

“The fuck I didn’t,” said Will. “I just kept shoveling that shit down my throat. But I knew it wasn’t gonna stay there.”

The spectators broke into applause when he finished, but Will didn’t stick around to enjoy it. He pushed through the crowd and made his way to the nearest bathroom, only to discover that the door was locked. He pounded on it a few times, but the occupant told him to wait his turn. He didn’t panic, because there was another bathroom off the kitchen. Unfortunately, that one was really popular. There were five or six people standing in line, and Will couldn’t really talk, which meant that he couldn’t explain his dilemma, so he just turned and headed upstairs, holding his stomach and gritting his teeth.

It was like a bad dream. Every time he found a bathroom, the door was either locked or a bunch of kids were waiting in line. So he just kept moving, hoping to find a toilet before it was too late. It was a huge house, and he pretty much gave himself the grand tour, visiting all three floors before he finally made it to the master bedroom, which was totally spectacular—a huge round bed and a wall that was all glass, looking out on a meadow—though Will didn’t have time to appreciate the view. He headed straight for the bathroom, and Praise the Lord, the door was unlocked. His stomach was already lurching when he burst in there and found himself staring at six of the prettiest girls in his school, all of them in bikinis, sitting in this giant Jacuzzi.