Most of All You: A Love Story(64)
My heartbeat quickened, and I looked away as my cheeks heated at the nearness of him, the love in his expression. I wasn’t sure what to do with it yet, as I’d never experienced it. I soaked in the view again, feeling the rush of the water as I moved my foot languidly through it, the feel of the breeze caressing my face and ruffling my hair. “You can’t give someone the wind, Gabriel,” I said softly, looking back at him, caught in his gaze.
He reached out and cupped my cheek, and my heart stuttered as I instinctively leaned into his palm. Just like on his patio earlier, there didn’t seem to be any hesitance in his touch, just loving certainty. His lips tipped up in a sweet smile. “I can try. Let me try, Ellie.”
I let out a soft breath as my own lips formed a smile. I knew what he meant. He wanted to give me the peace of this moment, the … poetry of this place, the romance, the scents and the sounds and the serene beauty all around us. He wanted to give me love. And, God, I wanted to take it, I was just so scared to reach out and grab it. Still so fearful it would be taken away. And if it was, I would never be able to go on. I would never recover.
A few leaves fluttered from the trees, twirling lazily in the light breeze, and I felt a gentle falling inside me, too. I wondered how trees knew to let go of the things they no longer needed, and I wondered if I could do that, as well.
“How do you do it?” I asked. “How do you let go of the fear?” He had been hurt before, too. So very, very profoundly. How did he move past that when I couldn’t seem to figure it out? Still held so tightly to it.
“The fear?” he asked, his gaze moving over my face.
“The fear of loving.”
A look of sad understanding came into his eyes. “Because, Ellie,” he said, and his voice was filled with so much resolve it made me blink in surprise, “I win every time I’m bold in how I love. I want to say I win a hundred times a day, a thousand, by loving the sunrise, and the wind, and the way raindrops sound on my window.” He paused, his thumb moving lightly over my cheekbone, caressing my face like I was precious. “And you, most of all, you. I want to look at you and say, one evil man did not stop me from presenting my heart to the girl who claimed it. You get my heart, Eloise. You. And, God, I hope you want it. But if you don’t, I still won’t regret giving it to you. Even then, I won’t regret loving you because it means I win.”
I felt a leap in my chest and let out a soft gasp. His words, the way he gazed at me so intently, shredded me, ripped me apart and yet put me back together all at the same time. Oh, Gabriel.
His thumb continued to move over my cheekbone, his touch so achingly tender that it made me want to weep. He had come to me as a man who panicked every time someone got close to him, and now he was touching me with such certainty, such strength and conviction. God, I was proud of him, but more so, I was deeply honored that he’d chosen me, deeply grateful that he’d learned the worst of who I was and loved me anyway. I was breathless with the sheer wonder of it.
Gabriel’s gaze moved to my mouth and lingered. I saw him swallow and knew he was going to kiss me. The butterflies in my belly all started flapping their wings at once as he leaned toward me, looking hesitant, and certain, and more beautiful than any man had ever looked. His lips parted slightly and then they were pressed against mine, warm and soft, and I let out a small moan of pleasure at the meeting of our mouths. He scooted toward me until there was no room between us, and I wrapped my arms around his neck slowly, weaving my fingers into the silky thickness of his hair.
I tilted my head and opened my mouth so he could explore me, and he groaned, shooting a spark of desire between my legs. He took my invitation, brushing his tongue tentatively along mine, and then with more confidence as our tongues danced and tasted.
When he finally broke away, gasping softly, it took me a minute to realize where I was, that’s how lost in him I’d been. A smile spread over my face before I’d even opened my eyes, and when I did so, he was gazing back, looking happy and slightly stunned. His lips were still parted, wet and reddened from our kiss, and his cheekbones were tinged pink. His eyes were soft and full of desire, and I thought to myself, I am this beautiful man’s first kiss. His lips have only touched mine. And I wished it were the same for me; though, in some ways, I wondered if I’d really ever kissed anyone at all because I couldn’t remember any of them now. Perhaps it was because this was the first kiss where I’d been fully present—not just my body, but my mind and my heart.
He reached his hand up and used his thumb to wipe away the wetness on my lower lip, and I laughed softly, feeling happier than I’d ever felt in my life, awed by the almost unbearable sweetness of the moment, of him.
We sat there awhile longer, swirling our feet in the water, Gabriel hooking his ankle with mine now and again as I laughed and leaned into him. We watched the trees begin to bare themselves—colorful leaves floating to the ground—and we chatted about nothing of consequence, feeling the peace of the moment, the joy of each other.
Had I once dreamed of romance and white knights? As a little girl, had I imagined that someday a handsome prince with his heart in his eyes would take my face in his hands and kiss me? I couldn’t remember now, but I wished I could, because I wanted to imagine that that little girl was somewhere inside of me and that this moment was for both of us, and for all the dreams I’d thought were lost. Lost to someone like me.