Moonlight Over Manhattan(98)

It was early, but the room was filled with delicious smells of baking.

He saw bread rolls and small pastry cases. Gingerbread Santas lay in uniform rows on the cooling rack, waiting to be iced. He was transported back to a time when he and Tyler used to tumble into the kitchen, cold and elated after a day on the slopes, and eat their way through whatever treats Elizabeth had cooked.

The food and the cozy atmosphere were as much a part of his memories of Snow Crystal as the snow and the skiing.

Elizabeth was in the process of removing something from the oven. She placed it on a rack and turned.

“Ethan! You’re up early.”

“So are you.”

“I have things to do.” She pulled off her apron and gestured to the table. “Sit down. I’ll make us a coffee.”

And suddenly he felt guilty. It was her wedding day. The last thing she needed was his problems. “I’m disturbing you. I shouldn’t have come.”

“Having a chance to catch up with you is more important than anything I’m doing now.”

She’d always been like that, he remembered. She’d always had time to listen.

“You shouldn’t be cooking on your wedding day.”

“I love to cook. I’m doing what I love. And anyway, élise and the kitchen staff are doing most of it. So what are you doing here so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Elizabeth put a cup of coffee in front of him and then poured one for herself. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What?”

“Whatever it is that has you wandering along frozen trails when the sun is barely up.”

“I just—I have a problem. I haven’t decided how to handle it. I thought walking might clear my head.”

“And did it?”

“Not so far.” He took a mouthful of coffee. “It’s good. I wish we had this at the hospital.”

She waited a moment and then sat down next to him, picked up the first Santa and started icing it. “How is the hospital?”

“Same as ever.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“I guess I must, or I’d be doing something else.”

“Not necessarily. Sometimes we do things because that’s what we’ve always done. We don’t question it.” Elizabeth placed the Santa on the rack to let the icing dry and picked up the next one. “I like Harriet. I’m guessing you do too, or you wouldn’t have brought her here. Is she the reason you’re awake so early?”

He put the cup down. He remembered being nine and sitting in this kitchen telling Elizabeth about his plans to be a doctor. Being sixteen and talking about a girl he liked. He loved his parents, but there were things he’d been able to tell his godmother that he would never have been able to talk about with his family.

“I shouldn’t have brought her here. It was a mistake.”

Elizabeth stroked icing onto the next Santa. “Why was it a mistake?”

Because she’d fallen in love with him.

“By bringing her here, I sent out the wrong signals. Harriet is a home and family person. That’s what matters to her. She runs a successful business with her sister, not because she wants to conquer the world but because she loves dogs and because working with animals is something she’s good at.”

“I suspect conquering the world might be a little overrated.” Elizabeth dipped her knife in the icing again. “There isn’t one definition of success, just as there isn’t one formula that will make everyone happy. The secret is to know what you want. To know what makes you happy and do it. It seems Harriet knows that. Smart woman.”

“She is.”

“And how about you?” Elizabeth’s voice was casual. “Do you know what makes you happy?”

“I always thought it was my work that made me happy. I accepted that, which is why I haven’t had a long-term relationship since Alison.”

“What does work have to do with relationships?”

Ethan stared at her. “Everything.”

“Since when did a person have to choose between work and a relationship? Is there a law I didn’t know about? Or has Harriet issued you with an ultimatum?”

“No!” He frowned. “Harriet would never do something like that. She’s not an ultimatum kind of person.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

He thought about everything they’d shared the night before. “She told me she loves me.”

Elizabeth put the knife down. “Just to clarify, the bad news is that a warm, smart, kind, incredibly lovely woman loves you?”

He eyed her, feeling like a jerk. “It’s not as simple as it sounds. I enjoy her company. I like being with her, that’s true. But—” He picked up one of the gingerbread Santas and stared down at it. “I never should have started this, but I didn’t expect it to get so serious so fast. And now I have to find a way to unravel it without hurting her badly.”

“Why would you want to unravel it?”

“Because it has no future.”

“Are you sure about that? You don’t feel the same way? You don’t love her?”

He waited a beat. “No.”

“Are you sure? Because watching you together I thought—” Elizabeth put the iced gingerbread back on the rack. “Ignore me.”