Mission: Protect the Ex(3)

“Your freshman year in college. I asked you point blank if you and Tom were going to that Queen concert. You said you weren’t because you had a huge project to turn in by Monday.”

Sean squeezed his eyes shut and cursed under his breath. “I meant since…” His voice trailed off, not wanting to mention their relationship.

“I know what you meant. But that’s over. I assumed you reversed back to how you treated me before.”

“I could never do that,” Sean said, still completely unable to even think of hiding anything from Aiden, no matter how exposed it left him.

Aiden opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind. He chose to stare at the carpet instead, remaining quiet for the longest time.

Sean tried to figure out what to do or say next to appease Aiden. He struggled with the silence and the need to come up with something long enough to get lost in his own mind.

“Are you hungry?” Aiden asked, startling Sean.

“I could eat, yeah.”

“I’ll go make us some sandwiches then. Everything else is still frozen, but we can grill something later for dinner.”

“Sandwiches are more than enough.”

Sean watched Aiden disappear into the tiny kitchen. He wanted to follow him, but knew it was probably a bad idea. Now that he’d seen his ex again, he didn’t want to waste any chance of taking him in. Who knew when he’d be granted that small mercy again? He tried to stay still, let the man have his alone time in the kitchen, but he simply couldn’t. All those nights spent thinking of him, needing him something fierce… He couldn’t stay away now that Aiden was within reach. He gave up trying and made his way to the kitchen.

“Need some help?” Sean asked, feeling awkward as he lingered on the threshold.

Aiden tilted his head, squinting his eyes. “You could get us some beers.”

Beer would be awesome right now. Sean could do beer. Actually, he needed something a lot stronger, but at least there was some alcohol involved. He practically ran to the fridge and pulled out two bottles, not even looking to see the brand. He didn’t care, he’d never been fussy about beer. Scotch, now with that he would probably check the label first.

Sean pulled off the caps and slid one bottle to Aiden across the table. It stopped right in front of the cutting board he was using to slice cold meat for their sandwiches. Aiden nodded his thanks but didn’t drink, still engrossed into cutting the perfect slices. Sean could never understand how Aiden could be such a perfectionist with food. He was always aloof and improvising in all other aspects of his life. But the food he served and what he wore? Those had to be absolutely perfect in every detail.

While he was gulping down his beer, Sean never took his eyes off Aiden. He watched every move, every expression of the man’s face, he listened to every sound Aiden made, taking it all in. Fuck, how he’d missed him. He was still surprised he’d survived six months without him. In all fairness, it had felt like hell on earth. Losing Aiden had been much worse than being trapped for a week behind enemy lines, evading gunfire and certain death till his team pulled him out. It had been ten times more painful than the gunshot wound to his lower abdomen that had kept him stuck in a hospital for weeks. It had been much worse than the beatings from his father before the asshole had left him, or the years he’d spent taking care of a drunken mother.

“What’s wrong?” Aiden’s question pulled him back to the present and Sean had to struggle to swallow and respond in any way. He hid it all behind another sip of beer, and shook his head.

“Sean, something’s up. I can tell by the look in your eyes.”

“I’m fine, I promise.” Liar. You’re not fine, and you’re never going to be fine again.

“I thought you said you could never go back to how you used to treat me. Back to when you could lie to me,” Aiden said, giving him a sad smile.

Sean sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m not lying, I’m avoiding. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fair enough. Sandwiches are ready.” Aiden pushed over one of the plates, then sat down with his own food in front of him.

Sean hated sitting across the table from Sean. They never did that. They’d always sit on the same side, stealing stuff from each other’s plates, their thighs pressed together. That was all over now, and they were back to this… distance between them. Barriers were separating them now in every way imaginable.

“Thank you,” Sean whispered, suddenly feeling very emotional. For fuck’s sake, you’re about to cry like a little girl. He stared at his sandwich, trying to convince himself to shove the food in his mouth and forget all about what he wanted and couldn’t have.

“Sean?”

He couldn’t take the worry in Aiden’s voice. It was too much, it felt like Aiden still cared, and that wasn’t something Sean could allow himself to cling to.

“I’m going outside,” he announced, pushing back his chair and rushing through the back door, sandwich in hand. He might not be able to face the man, but he wasn’t about to pass on something Aiden had made for him. He’d find some quiet place in the woods, eat his freaking food, and give himself a few minutes to wallow in his misery. Then he’d go back and apologize.



IT WAS DARK by the time he made his way back to the cabin. He could smell the grilled meat from afar, and he soon spotted Aiden on the back porch. Sean couldn’t believe that his ex was just making dinner, unaffected and aloof. He wished he could be as composed, but he wasn’t. He wanted to grab the man, shake him, pluck the whys and how-could-yous out of him. Then tell him how Sean couldn’t live without him, beg him for another chance. Unfortunately, he knew it would lead nowhere. Once he made up his mind, Aiden would never relent. He knew as much.