Missing Dixie(33)

“That’s f*cked-up, Dix.”

I pick at the fringes on the edge of my favorite pillow. “I know.”

“Especially since he made such a scene right before with the kissing and all that. It’s like he wants to stake his claim on you for the world to see, keep every other guy away, but then he can’t deal with the rest of what comes with that.”

“I know.”

She tosses her hands up and the pillow tumbles down her lap. “I mean, seriously! What the f*ck is his damn deal?”

“Your kid’s first word is going to be a swear word if you’re not careful.”

Robyn glares at me. “Do not change the subject, Dixie Leigh Lark.”

“Sorry.”

She rests her back against my wooden headboard and sighs. “I’m sorry, too. He just frustrates the hell out of me.”

“Ditto.”

“I mean, the way he was watching you like a hawk at the wedding and the reception, the way he has always watched you as if you are his and only his and he is protecting you from all the world’s evil—it’s beyond infatuation. It’s like, I don’t know . . . borderline obsession. Then he just straight-up bails without so much as a word—with another woman! That plus the not calling you when he was back in town, this pregnant lady’s patience is running slap out.”

I smile because Robyn is so . . . Robyn. If she’s your friend, she is one hundred percent committed. She is angry on my behalf and I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or what but I’m pretty sure she’s angrier than I am.

I don’t even know if I’m angry. I’m just sad. Hurt. Confused.

The show was beyond incredible. It was one of the best nights of my life and I felt so alive. All I wanted when it was over was to see him, to wrap my arms around him and celebrate my euphoria from performing. I wanted to tell him that I was ready for the band to get things going because I finally feel like me again.

But he was gone. Just . . . gone.

“This isn’t okay, Dixie,” she says, a warning edge to her tone as if she thinks I don’t realize this. “I see you over there working up a million excuses, but it’s time for him to grow up. He needs to understand that he can’t just pick you up and set you down whenever he feels like it.”

“I know,” I mumble, closing my eyes and burrowing back down in my covers.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

I’m expecting it to be something about Gavin so I’m confused when it’s not.

“Have you ever thought of moving into the master bedroom? I mean, all the upgrades to this house are beautiful and this room is nice and it’d make a great guest room. But it’s your childhood bedroom, love. You’re a big girl now and the big bedroom is just sitting empty.”

I glance around my room. Faded lavender walls sparsely adorned by white weathered wooden shelves my grandmother refurbished to match my headboard. Old desk my grandfather gave me to do my homework on.

“Huh. I guess I never really thought about it.”

“Can I tell you why I think that is?” Robyn looks nervous, like she’s worried her answer might hurt my feelings.

“Shoot.”

She takes a deep breath and I can see her mentally organizing her thoughts the way only she can. I suspect all information in her brain is color-coded and cross-referenced.

“Dix, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’re kind of living in the past. Please know I say this with love, but honey, you’ve outgrown it and that’s okay. You need to move into the current century and I think the reason you haven’t done anything about that is because deep down, you know this is a temporary pit stop in your past. Eventually you are going to have to face the fact that you were born to perform. You need it. The world needs it. I know it’s hard to let the past go—hello, I married my high school sweetheart. But sometimes it’s necessary.” She sighs and pats my hand gently before continuing. “Dallas and I had to grow up, we grew apart, and then we grew together. We are still growing, in friendship and in love and as people. In my case, literally.” I smile when she pats her expanding belly. “I want that kind of love for everyone, especially for you. But I can’t stand to see you hurting like this, stuck like this, bogged down by the past. Your face last night . . . you were so excited when you came offstage and my heart broke for you when I watched you realize he wasn’t there. You just . . . you were crumbling. Piece by piece. I could see it. Dallas could see it. Everyone with eyes could see it. You kept the mask on for us, but I want you to know that you can break apart. You can fall down. We will be there to pick you back up. I promise.”

I don’t know what to say. Everything she’s said is true so I just keep quiet, swallowing the lump of emotion currently clogging my airway.

“Girl, you rocked it last night. Hard-core. We were all blown away and I’ll admit, I didn’t know you had that in you. I don’t know if you knew you had that in you.”

“I didn’t,” I interrupt, my voice hitching on the last word.

“Right. Well, now you do. You’re coming into your own now and everyone saw that. And now it’s time to do something about it. But first, something has to give with Gavin and I don’t know what it is, but he needs to either be there for you and make you a priority, or bow out gracefully. For your sake, for the band’s sake, and for his sake because I suspect if he hurts you like that, Dallas might murder him. I really don’t want the father of my child to spend his life in jail.”