Misadventures of a College Girl (Misadventures #9)(10)

Tyler makes a face like he’s utterly annoyed.

I pull a rolling chair out from a small desk in the corner, kick off my heels, and plop myself down. “Look, Mr. God’s Gift, here’s the thing. I didn’t come to this party dressed like this to get lectured by some football player in a douchey shirt about the sanctity of my virginity or to debate society’s double standards about male and female sexuality. I came out tonight to find a guy exactly like you to have sex with and, in the process, hopefully get to have my first orgasm. It’s as simple as that.”

“A guy like me?”

I motion to his shirt. “A guy who’s clearly not boyfriend material.”

“Why am I not boyfriend material?”

“Are you joking? Tyler, you said so yourself!”

He moves to the foot of his bed and sits. “No, what I said was I’m not looking for a relationship. That doesn’t mean I don’t consider myself boyfriend material. What I said reflects my relationship status by choice. What you said is an assault on my very character.”

“Oh, come on, Tyler. You can’t wear a shirt like that and then get offended when I say you’re not boyfriend material.”

He still looks offended. “I’d make an amazing boyfriend if I wanted to be one. Which I don’t at the present time. But if I did, I’d be amazing and any girl would be lucky to have me. I’m loyal. Faithful. Thoughtful. Funny. Great in bed. Not sure what makes a guy ‘boyfriend material’ if not all that.”

“Um, gee, the desire to have a girlfriend?”

He scoffs.

“Surely, other guys on the team have girlfriends,” I say.

“Other guys on the team aren’t me. They haven’t devoted the past nine years of their lives to going top ten in the draft. They aren’t entering the draft at the end of their junior year because they’re already one of the hottest commodities in the country.” He clenches his jaw. “They’re not so close to the Promised Land they can taste it.”

Tyler’s intensity silences me for a long moment. My heart is thudding in my ears. Damn, he’s a sexy dude. Finally, I venture, “Dimitri said the quarterback had a girlfriend until recently. Is he not trying to go top ten in the draft?”

Tyler shakes his head. “Jake’s not entering the draft until next year,” he says. “And when he does, he’ll be lucky if he goes in the second round. He’s perfect for our offensive scheme, but he’s a system quarterback, not a true pro prospect. But, regardless, Jake’s just a different species of human than me. Actually, I’m not even sure Jake’s human. He’s got ice in his veins, that guy, both on and off the field. Nothing affects him.”

“And you?”

“I’m the anti-Jake. Everything affects me. I’m passionate. If I had a girlfriend, I’d worry about her. If someone were to act like an asshole to her, I’d be ready to rip the guy’s head off. If my girlfriend and I had a fight before a game, then I’d play like shit that day. And I can’t risk any of that.”

I stare at him for a moment, my crotch suddenly tingling. Is it weird everything he just said turned me on? “Okay, Tyler, fine. I’m willing to concede you’d be boyfriend material if that’s what you wanted to be.”

“Thank you.”

“But I won’t back down from saying your shirt gives the exact opposite impression.”

“Yeah, well, maybe that’s part of my reason for wearing the shirt.” He taps his temple and winks.

“Wow. So you’re saying the douchey shirt is some sort of secret code? Like, it wards off girls looking for a boyfriend?”

“Something like that.”

“And here I thought you thought your shirt was nothing but a simple statement of fact.”

“Oh, I do. Definitely. Plus—bonus points—it’s funny as hell.”

“How can your shirt be a simple statement of fact and funny as hell at the same time? You’re either serious or joking. It can’t be both.”

Tyler smiles. “Sure it can.”

“I don’t see how.”

“If you saw an elephant wearing a T-shirt with the word elephant stamped across it, you’d think that’s pretty damned funny, right?”

I can’t help smiling. Ah, so he’s more clever than I gave him credit for. “That depends.”

“Aw, come on,” he says, flashing me a snarky look. “Don’t argue with me for the sake of arguing.”

“I’m not. An elephant in an elephant T-shirt might be funny and it might not.”

“Tell me one scenario where an elephant wearing an elephant T-shirt wouldn’t be fucking hilarious.”

I slide my legs underneath me in the chair, taking care not to flash Tyler my undies as I do. I say, “Well, if the elephant was harmed or humiliated while being stuffed into his elephant T-shirt, that wouldn’t be funny. Animal cruelty is never a laughing matter, Tyler Caldwell.”

Tyler chuckles. “The elephant wasn’t harmed or humiliated.”

“How can you be sure? Elephants are highly intelligent creatures. It’s well known they experience complex emotions.”

“I know because he’s a cartoon elephant.”

Again, I can’t resist smiling broadly. “Ah, so our elephant is like Babar, is he?”