Million Love Songs(96)

‘You were right about that.’

‘I thought it would be a surprise.’

‘You were right about that too.’

‘I guess so.’ He laughs without humour. ‘I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you. I never thought that you’d be seeing someone else.’

‘We’re just mates,’ I tell him. ‘Mason is my boss.’

‘You seem to be quite friendly.’ His tone is barbed and I can’t say that I blame him.

‘We do have a bit of history,’ I confess. ‘Tonight we had too many cocktails and got a bit carried away. It was stupid, but not against the law. I’m not in a relationship with Mason, if that’s what you think.’

‘If I’m honest with you, Ruby. I don’t know what to think.’

‘I’m single and have no commitments, Joe. As far as I knew you were back with Gina for good. I saw you in the shopping centre a while ago. You both looked very loved-up.’

‘You did?’

I nod. ‘It tore me in two. I’ve tried to move on.’

‘Looks like you’re making a good job of it.’

‘Not really,’ I admit. ‘I’ve missed you too, but you’ve got to agree that this situation is complicated.’

‘I wanted to ask you if we could give our relationship another go, but I’ve realised that it’s too soon. I can’t do complicated, Ruby. What I need is to be by myself for a while, to focus on me and the kids. They have to come before what I want.’

‘I’m not with Mason,’ I insist. ‘He’s a great bloke, but I have no future with him. He’s young and irresponsible and we just have a good laugh together. Occasionally more. We’ve literally been friends with benefits.’

Joe risks a smile. ‘That’s way too modern for me.’

‘And me. It’s not what I want. It’s not who I am. You’re the one that I want to be with. Yet I didn’t think there was any chance of that happening. If you’ll let me, I would really like to try again.’

I can see the indecision on Joe’s face, but also appreciate that he’s only just had an abortive attempt at rekindling his relationship with his wife. He still must be feeling so raw. I can see that he wouldn’t want to get involved with me again to protect his kids from further hurt. I could tear my hair out, gnash my teeth down to stumps, howl at the moon. This is totally pathetic timing. If only I hadn’t got pissed with Mason. If only I hadn’t been so keen for him to ravish me on chef’s prep table. If only, if only. Why does life have to be so bloody difficult?

‘Let’s keep in touch and see each other as friends.’ I’m starting to sound desperate even to my own ears. Perhaps I’d feel able to argue my case better if I didn’t look as if I’d been thoroughly and soundly shagged. How mortifying. ‘We don’t have to rush into anything. Let’s pretend that we’ve just met. I really believe that we could start all over again given time. I’d love to see the kids too.’

He shakes his head. ‘I think maybe our moment has passed, Ruby,’ Joe says, sadly. ‘It was a mistake to come here. I’m sorry.’

‘Please don’t go. We haven’t resolved this. I could come home with you so we could have a coffee and chat some more.’

‘I’ll have to pass on that,’ Joe says, his voice filled with regret.

‘I don’t want to leave it like this.’ But Joe stays immobile and offers no alternative. So, when there’s nothing more left to say and I can’t think of anything else to do, I kiss his cheek and say, ‘Take care.’

‘You too.’

Then I get out of his car and stand in the glare of the security light with my misbuttoned blouse and my droopy stockings and my heart aching. Joe drives away and I watch him, my heart feeling like a lead weight in my chest.

‘You’ve messed this up big time, Ruby Brown,’ I say to no one but myself.





Chapter Ninety





I go back into the Butcher’s Arms, heartbroken.

Mason looks up. ‘OK?’

‘Yeah. No. Not really.’

‘You love him?’

‘What does that matter?’

‘Has he gone?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You’re not going with him?’

‘No.’

He holds out my pants to me and, despite everything, that makes me smile. ‘Want to come back to my place and finish what we started?’

‘Yes,’ I say.

Why not? That’s what Single and Fabulous women do. They break hearts, they get their hearts broken, they sleep with unsuitable men nicknamed Shagger. They totally and utterly fuck up.





Chapter Ninety-One





So. Big jump forward. And here were are in Paris again. I’ve been seeing Mason properly for two months now. Ever since that fateful night in the Butcher’s Arms. I know, I bet you never thought you’d hear me say that. Me neither. All I can say is that I tried nice and nice didn’t work. I try not to think about Joe and, most of the time, I manage it. I’m only mentioning him now because I think you’d want to know.

To be fair to him, Mason’s been trying really hard to be a proper boyfriend. He takes me out to nice dinners in fancy restaurants, he buys me flowers regularly and not just ones from supermarkets, but gorgeous arrangements from a posh florist. He remembers that roses are my favourites. He calls when he says he’ll call – well, mostly. He’s created a space for some of my clothes in his wardrobe. A small space, but it’s there nevertheless. I keep a toothbrush in his bathroom. It’s all a bit too good to be true. In fact, it’s going so well that I’ve even had to persuade Charlie to refer to him as Mason now rather than Shagger.