Messy Love(28)

Now that I’ve had a look at him, I wasn’t sure I could leave. Not when he had such a look on his face that was so foreign to the idea I had of this man.

I made a move to get closer to him and put a hand on his bulging bicep. His arm was hard under my fingers, but I underneath his built and apparent strength, I perceived the tremble in his body, almost like a vibration.

“Wyatt?’’ I asked, unsure of what I was asking or what I expected him to say. Sometimes in life, you’re at a crossroad. You felt it to the deepest part of you. It’s scary and also a bit thrilling, but mostly, it made you feel lost. Right now, I felt that the choice we’re going to make was going to affect a lot more than what I could think. It went beyond the mess it’d potentially create if Wyatt and I slept together because then it’d only be ruled by pure lust, nothing digging deeper than that. But now that I had a glimpse into who Wyatt was…

“Alright, you two,’’ Ralph slurred again, but I didn’t look away from Wyatt, and he didn’t either. “I’m out. Call me tomorrow, asshole, okay?’’

“Yeah, alright. Thanks, man.’’

Ralph hummed and walked away, his footsteps fading into the city noise until we were left alone in the dark and eyes locked.

“What was that back there?’’

He cringed, and when I was sure he’s about to break eye contact, he did the exact opposite. He came closer and put a hand on my hip. His big fingers splayed on my body as if he’s trying to get the best grip on me to keep me there.

“A piece of my past haunting me and it’s not the ugliest,’’ he rasped then cleared his throat when his voice broke. He sounded so raw it’s hard for me to keep my heartstrings from tightening painfully around my beating organ. “Scared yet?’’

“Scared?’’ I shook my head and slid my hand from his arm to his shoulder. “No. It raises questions, though.’’

The lost look on his face was immediately gone, just like he’s flipped a switch and he’s back to a blank face. It’s surprising how someone in emotional distress could push everything back. I wondered how often he’s had to do it in his life.

“It’s none of your business.’’

His voice bit, but I didn’t recoil. I stayed put, eyes in his.

“That’s why I’m not asking anything.’’

He nodded and cleared his throat. He squeezed my hip, and I swore I thought it’s a way of silently saying ‘thank you.’ “What now? I bet you’re not in the mood to go back to my place.’’

“Something tells me you’re not in the mood for that either.’’ He went to say something, probably to mask how shaken he still was, but I stopped him before he opened his mouth. “And I think it’s best if we don’t go there. I mean,’’ I pulled away and looked down at his trusty chucks, a bit dirtier than the last time I had seen him. “Sleeping together would be a mistake.’’

“You weren’t thinking that at the party, babe,’’ he drawled with his sexy voice, his hand now roaming my side, tantalizing me with the idea of this massive hand on my breast. But he kept himself to my ribcage and my hip, his fingers brushing the top of my ass every once in a while.

“Stop.’’ I pulled away and ignored the pang of regret that hit me. “I don’t think—"

He closed the space between us again and cupped my face in his hands. They engulfed me, bracketing me in everything he was that was overwhelming and thrilling, with the edge of danger for myself ever-present. His dark eyes were intense, burning. It’s impossible to look away even if he’d let me.

There’s still a faint trace of beer on his breath, but his smell was what I mostly breathed. It’s oddly comforting, something that shouldn’t and couldn’t qualify this man that wreaked havoc in everything that I was and made of.

“Sex isn’t about thinking, babe. It’s about need, want.’’ He pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes, his eyebrows bunching as if he’s in pain. “It’s about forgetting everything but the other person with you and bursting with everything that you fucking are. Thinking? It’s what ruins sex.’’

“Wyatt…’’ I trailed off, not sure what I wanted to say. Blood buzzed in my ears while my heart sprinted like every time I was close to Wyatt.

“You want me, babe.’’

“And I hate you.’’

“Yeah. Back at you.’’ I saw a smirk stretching the left side of his mouth. I both wanted to wipe it off his smug face and kiss that mouth until I didn’t remember who he was and how ambivalent I felt about him. “My place is two blocks this way.’’ He pointed over his shoulder without looking.

Two blocks? Only two blocks away?

I sagged against him and closed my eyes. A small part of me was pissed to be weak to his charm, but it’s so small that it’s pushed to the far back by the growing lust inside me and the excitement of what’s to come that I didn’t dwell on it.

I knew he was going to use me to forget what happened at the party and I knew I’d probably be hurt once it’s all said and done, but we’re all entitled to make mistakes.

It wasn’t important anyway. It’s just sex. Come tomorrow I’d put this night behind me and move on with my life and let the Burton family as a whole in the past and away from me.