Melt for You (Slow Burn #2)(98)

“Real,” I repeat doubtfully.

“Authentic. Genuine. Live your truth. Let others live theirs. Don’t kiss anyone’s ass, but don’t be an asshole, either. It’s very simple.”

The air whispering through the vents on the walls seems loud in the following silence. I say, “That was interesting. Also weird. I’m not sure how to respond.”

Portia smiles a big toothy smile like I’ve never seen on her face. “That’s exactly what I mean!”

“Okay, now you’ve totally lost me.”

“Old Joellen would’ve found some nice, nonoffensive reply. Instead, you were real. Congratulations, there’s hope for you yet. I was also impressed by your little speech when you came in. Very real. Strong, angry, impressive. Good for you.”

“I feel like I might be dreaming all this right now? Like I’m in a hospital bed somewhere, dopey on morphine and hooked up to a bunch of tubes?”

Portia does the queenly hand wave again and gets down to business, apparently finished with the life lessons portion of the meeting. “The associate editor position is yours if you want it. You will, however, have to sign a nondisclosure agreement and a document releasing the firm from any future claim of sexual or emotional harassment arising from this incident with Michael.”

She pierces me with her iceberg eyes. “You won’t be able to speak about the incident in the ladies’ room or your personal relationship with Michael, or publicly disparage Maddox Publishing in any way. If you do, you’ll be terminated, and the firm will pursue all available legal remedies against you.”

I blink. “Wow. And here I thought we were bonding.”

More gently, Portia says, “Michael won’t be back to the office, so you won’t have to deal with him again. On a personal note, I’d like to apologize to you.” She clears her throat, looking uncomfortable. “I saw this coming. There have been other incidents. It’s one of the reasons he was removed so quickly. I’m putting myself at legal risk by telling you that, but I think it’s important you know that what happened is in no way your fault.”

I’m actually touched by this confession. Coming from her, it means a lot. “Thank you, Portia. That’s very civil of you.”

Then there’s an awkward silence. It lasts until I finally say, “Okay, I’m going to be real now. This has been a lot to digest. I spent the last ten days thinking I was out of a job, and now I’ve got the promotion I always wanted. I’ve spent the last ten years thinking I was in love with a guy who, it turns out, is a prick. I’ve spent the last month living across the hall from a man who dresses like he’s auditioning for the circus, has an ego the size of the earth’s atmosphere, and screws like a champ.”

I look at her, wide eyed. “Sorry, that last part was probably a little too much reality.”

Her smile is tranquil. “Do go on. I’m enjoying this.”

“I’m sure you don’t want to hear about, you know, the sex stuff, though.”

She furrows her brows. “Why ever not? I assume you’re talking about the big rugged thing who strutted around like a rooster and had all the girls in an estrogen frenzy? He was quite the stud.”

“Well, yeah, but . . .” This is awkward. Okay, just be real. She told you to be real. “I mean, it’s not like that’s your cup of tea.”

The furrow between her brows grows deeper. “I might seem cold to you, Joellen, but I can assure you, a man like that is every woman’s cup of tea.”

“Even a lesbian’s?”

She stares at me for a while, blinking, then says, “It’s quite ignorant to assume a strong, no-nonsense, unmarried woman must be a lesbian. That’s really antiquated thinking.”

“No, I don’t think that—Michael told me you were gay. He said your girlfriend was on the board of some charity with his wife.”

I’m startled when she bursts into laughter.

“Michael told you I was gay? Oh, that’s funny. No, Joellen, I’m not a lesbian. I just wasn’t interested in Michael, which was a novel experience for him. He’s a petty little liar. It just goes to show how small he is that he thinks calling me a lesbian is getting revenge. Idiot.”

Overcome with shame at how na?ve I was, I prop my head in my hands and groan. “He wasn’t even really getting divorced, was he?”

“No. He’ll never divorce that dimwitted wife of his. She lets him do whatever he wants. Although now that he’s out of a job, she might divorce him.”

After a moment, she sighs. “Just sign the papers and put this behind you, Joellen. You deserve the promotion. You’ve worked hard. Don’t let this opportunity pass by because of the way it came about. That would be a mistake.”

Go ahead, luv. Tell me it’s all a mistake.

I hear Cam’s words in my head, and suddenly I’m breathless with pain. What am I doing? What am I doing?

I stand abruptly. Portia looks up at me, startled.

I say, “Oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

Everything is coming at me at once. All the memories, all the emotions, all the things I wish I would have said but didn’t. My heart thundering, I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath.

What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Doing?