Loveless(28)

‘D’you miss home?’ Jason asked.

I thought about it. ‘I don’t know. Do you?’

‘I don’t know,’ he said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. ‘I mean, I’m a bit homesick, I guess.’ He chuckled. ‘I miss my dads, even though they’ve called me every day. And I’ve already watched the Scooby-Doo movie four times. For comfort. But school was hell. I don’t miss school.’

‘Mm.’ Uni wasn’t any better so far. For me, anyway.

‘What?’

‘I like being here,’ I said.

‘At uni?’

‘No, here. With you.’

Jason opened his eyes again and turned to me. He smiled. ‘Me too.’

‘GEORGIA!’ screeched Rooney, stumbling over to us from the dance floor. ‘You’ve found a MAN.’

‘No,’ I said. ‘This is my friend Jason. Remember?’

‘I know who he is,’ she said, crouching down in front of us. ‘I know exactly what’s going on here.’ She pointed a finger at me. ‘You.’ She pointed at Jason. ‘And him.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘Big. Messy. Feelings.’

I just shook my head, and I felt Jason shift a tiny bit away from me while he laughed awkwardly. What was Rooney talking about?

Rooney patted Jason on the shoulder. ‘S’nice. You should just tell Georgia, though.’

Jason didn’t say anything. I checked to see if he knew what Rooney was talking about, but his face didn’t give anything away.

‘I don’t get it,’ I said.

‘You’re very interesting,’ said Rooney to Jason, ‘and very boring at the same time because you never do anything.’

‘I’m going to the loo,’ said Jason, standing up with an expression on his face I only saw on him when he was drunk – deep irritation. But he wasn’t drunk. He was genuinely pissed off. He walked away from us.

‘That was really rude,’ I said to Rooney. I think I was genuinely pissed off too.

‘Are you aware that Jason is into you?’

The words hit me like lightning.

Are you aware that Jason is into you?

Jason. One of my best friends in the entire world. We’d known each other for over four years, we’d hung out more times than I could count, I knew his face as well as my own. We could tell each other anything.

But he hadn’t told me that.

‘What?’ I croaked, my breath gone.

Rooney laughed. ‘Are you joking? His crush on you is so obvious it’s actually painful to watch.’

How was this possible? I was excellent at recognising romantic feelings. I could always tell when people were flirting with me, or each other. I always knew when Pip and Jason had crushes on people.

How had I missed this?

‘He’s a really lovely guy,’ said Rooney, her voice softer, as she sat on the sofa beside me. ‘Have you really not considered him?’

‘I …’ I started to tell Rooney that I didn’t like him like that, but … did I even know what romantic feelings felt like? I thought I’d had a crush on Tommy for seven years and that turned out to be nothing.

Jason was a really lovely guy. I mean, I loved him.

And suddenly the idea was swirling around my brain and I couldn’t stop myself wondering. Maybe this was like all those American romcoms I’d spent my whole teenage life watching; maybe Jason and I were meant to be like the two leads from 13 Going On 30 or Easy A, maybe ‘he’d been there all along’, maybe I just hadn’t tapped into my romantic feelings because I felt so comfortable and safe around Jason and I’d just written him off as ‘best friend’ when in fact he could have been ‘boyfriend’ instead.

Maybe, if I reached out, if I pushed myself – maybe Jason was the love of my life.

‘Wh … what do I do?’ I whispered.

Rooney put her hands back in her pockets. ‘I’m not sure yet. But –’ she stood up, her hair falling around her shoulders like a superhero cape – ‘I think we’re going to be able to solve your little never kissed anyone situation.’





I was woken from a dream that night when Rooney returned to our room. She’d told us to go back to college without her. I couldn’t see her very well without my glasses on, but she seemed to be tiptoeing around like a cartoon character. She flicked the kettle on to make her post-night-out cup of tea, and when she opened her wardrobe, various hangers fell down, making a very loud clatter. She froze and said, ‘Oh no.’

I put my glasses on just in time to see her turn to me with a guilty expression.

‘Sorry,’ she whispered loudly.

‘S’fine,’ I mumbled, croaky from sleep. I checked my phone. 5:21a.m. How. How did any human stay awake, let alone stay out clubbing for that long? I had my late-night 200k fanfic mistakes but that was just sitting in bed reading. ‘Didn’t know anywhere stayed open this late.’

Rooney chuckled. ‘Oh, no, it doesn’t. I was at this guy’s place.’

I frowned, a little confused. But then I understood. She was at a guy’s place, having sex.

‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Cool.’

I did actually think this was quite cool. I was always a bit envious of people who were super sex-positive and felt comfortable enough to just bang whoever they fancied. I couldn’t even imagine feeling comfortable enough to let someone kiss me, let alone going to an absolute stranger’s home and getting naked.