Loveless(102)

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She immediately moved away with this expression like she was scared she’d made a mistake

But obviously she had NOT made a mistake and she could see it on my fucking face

And then she leaned in again and we literally started MAKING OUT

Like I’m talking proper making out

So I’m just like holy fuck how is this happening, I’m literally deceased, and we just make out in my bed for like twenty minutes

UM this story gets a bit nsfw from here on I am very sorry about this but if I don’t tell someone what happened then I will die

So after a while she kneels up and just like … takes her t-shirt off. And I’m like. Oh my god

And then I’m thinking OKAY she wants to go further than just making out??

And I’d be okay with that??? I also want to do that?????

She like … lies back down and is like ‘is this okay?’ and I’m like hell yeah please proceed

(I didn’t actually use the phrase ‘please proceed’ during my first sexual encounter. I think I just nodded very enthusiastically.)

So obviously I’ve never done anything sexual with anyone and she’s like … just about to put her hand in my pyjama shorts and I’m nervous as hell but extremely up for it lol

But then she pulls back and she’s like ‘oh my god’ and she jumps off me and just starts freaking out, like, pulling her clothes on and packing up all her stuff and being like ‘I’m so sorry I’m so sorry’ and I’m just lying there horny and confused like ‘um’

And then she’s like ‘shit, I mess everything up’ and then she just like RUNS out of my room

SHE IS GONE

I’ve called her and messaged her but I have no idea where she is, is she back at yours???

I’m so worried and confused and the play’s today and I’m just freaking out a little bit, I think I might have upset her and ruined everything

But also I think I need to get a couple of hours of sleep now because otherwise I may pass out on stage this afternoon

So um

Yeah

Message me when you wake up

Georgia Warr

i’m awake

oh my god





Georgia Warr

she’s not here

don’t panic

i will find her

I called her first and sat there in our bed, listening to the phone ringing, waiting.

It went through to voicemail.

‘Where are you?’ I said instantly, but didn’t know what else to say, so I just hung up, hurled myself out of bed, put on the nearest clothes I could grab, and ran.

This could not be happening.

She was not abandoning us on the day of the show.

She was not abandoning me.

I ran all the way to the bottom of the stairway before realising that I had literally no idea where to look. She could be anywhere. A library. A café. Somewhere in college. Someone’s flat. Durham is small, but it wasn’t possible to search a whole city in one day.

But I had to try.

I ran all the way to the theatre first. She’d probably just decided to meet us there, maybe gone to get a Starbucks first. We’d all agreed to meet there at 10 a.m. – our performance was at 2 p.m. – and it was 9.30 now, so she was probably just a bit early.

I crashed into the door in my attempt to open it. It was locked.

That was when I started to get scared.

She’d left Pip in the middle of the night. Where had she gone after that? I would have woken up if she’d come back to our room. Had she gone to see one of her many friends who didn’t seem to care about her? Had she gone to a club? The clubs didn’t stay open that late, did they?

I crouched down on the pavement, trying to breathe. Shit. What if something bad had happened? What if some man had pulled up in a car and grabbed her? What if she’d been walking along the bridge and fallen in?

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Rooney again.

She didn’t pick up. Maybe she didn’t even have her phone with her.

I called Pip instead.

‘Did you find her?’ was the first thing she said when she picked up.

‘No. She’s …’ I didn’t even know what to tell her. ‘She’s … gone.’

‘Gone? What – what do you mean gone?’

I stood up, looking around as if I might suddenly see her up the street, running towards me in her sports leggings, her ponytail flying behind her. But I didn’t. Of course I didn’t.

My voice broke. ‘She’s just gone.’

‘This is my fault,’ said Pip instantly, and I could hear how devastated she was, and how much she truly believed what she was saying. ‘This is – I shouldn’t have – she probably didn’t even – it was way too soon for us to even –’

‘No, it’s my fault,’ I said. I should have been looking out for her. I should have seen this coming.

I knew her better than anyone.

Anyone in her whole life.

‘I’ll find her,’ I said. ‘I promise I’ll find her.’

I owed her that.

I ran to the club that we went to in Freshers’ Week, when she’d told me to search for someone I fancied while she went off to get with a guy. Years ago, that felt like.