Love Songs & Other Lies(29)
“But I thought—” Logan says.
“We’ve already aired footage of the two of you together”—she’s looking at me—“so you’ll just keep up the girlfriend act until it’s time for the breakup.” She doesn’t say it like this is some sudden revelation she had. No, this is what it’s been about all along. We’re just another means to her creating good TV.
“Soon?” I give Logan an apologetic smile and mouth, “No offense.”
He gives me a playful wink.
“Soon,” Jenn says.
Cam pushes himself off the wall. “And then she’ll have to leave?” His voice is laced with concern, and for once I don’t roll my eyes at his interest in me. I’m thinking the same thing.
“Of course not,” Jenn says calmly, and she seems strangely happy that Cam has joined the conversation. “Virginia can stay. She’ll work with us and help with publicity.”
Jenn is looking right at me, but I don’t say anything. I’m not convinced this isn’t a joke. And it’s not a question.
Jenn looks to me, her brows raised like she’s confused. “That’s what you want to do eventually, right?”
“Oh. Yes, actually. I mean, that would be amazing. Thank you.” I’ve been trying to talk to Jenn—to plead my case as an intern—since I got on this bus. She was always conveniently too busy, so why is this all happening so easily now?
“Talk to your college,” Jenn says. “Maybe you can set it up for credit.” She shoves her tablet into her large bag and turns for the door, then stops and turns back to me. “Let me know if there’s paperwork to fill out. Kaley will get you a schedule, so you can join us at the weekly planning meetings.” Kaley looks at me just long enough to roll her eyes, and part of me wants to join her.
Before leaving, Jenn tells us to “act normal,” until we get the okay to break up. I’m not sure that Logan and I are actually capable of pulling off a convincing breakup scene. Will we even have to, or will it all happen off-camera, and they’ll just leak it to the media? It doesn’t seem like there’s enough interest in us to warrant any kind of announcement. Who would even care?
CHAPTER TEN
THEN
VIRGINIA
Something strange happens after midnight. It’s like this invisible flip is switched, and everything that happens automatically feels heavier and more emotional. Like the walls that we spend so much time holding up during the day are just too heavy to bother with at night. And there’s something about being at the beach—alone with Cam—that makes me feel brave, when I decide I want to know more about him. After two weeks of sitting in near silence, I want to know everything about him, but I don’t know how to ask. Aside from the beach, we’re always surrounded by people—the band, kids in our classes. And Cam is still quiet. He doesn’t offer up any details at school. Or at band practice. And the curiosity—the feeling that I need to know him—it’s eating away at me. Almost as much as the ache for him to kiss me.
Which he hasn’t.
I’m starting to think he doesn’t want to, because he’s had a lot of opportunities, lying on the beach with me. And I’ve come to the realization that maybe it’s better this way. I’ll be leaving for college in less than a year, and I don’t even know where Cam is planning to go. Maybe he’s heading back to Wisconsin. He probably has tons of friends back there, though he never mentions any. He doesn’t talk about much of anything, until you ask him.
“Leaving for school.” I hold up one finger. “Living in Chicago.” Two. “And performing in front of people.” I wiggle three fingers in the chilly night air, raising my brows and giving Cam a look that I hope says, Now you, but he just sits there, with a questioning look on his face.
“Oh, we’re talking now? I didn’t get that memo,” he says teasingly, and I smack his shoulder. Cam and I have a comfort with each other that took years for me to gain even a bit of with Logan. I never felt any of it with my ex, Toby, even when we had sex at his parents’ cabin the week before we broke up. Even when I told him I loved him. Because I should have, right? I didn’t care what Toby’s favorite song was in elementary school, or if I knew his childhood pet’s name. Or who he thought was the most overrated band of all time.
I want to know everything about Cam. “Three things that scare the crap out of you. Your turn.”
“Are you going to college in Chicago?”
“What? No,” I say, confused.
“Then why are you scared to live there? It doesn’t sound like you have to.”
“No, but I want to. The idea just scares me. Catching cabs, figuring out train schedules … knowing when to pull that weird rope on buses to make them stop. I mean, what happens if I step onto the bus and that stupid little card is out of money? Do they just kick me off? And what if I get on a train going in the wrong direction and I don’t even realize it? Until I end up in some sketchy neighborhood, where someone turns me into an unsuspecting drug mule or something.” I pick up two handfuls of sand and let them drain out of my palms slowly. “The Plan is to go to State. But Chicago is the end goal. Someday.”
“Well, it sounds like you’re scared of public transportation, not Chicago.”