Look Alive Twenty-Five (Stephanie Plum #25)(68)

“A penis in a hot dog bun,” Lula said. “That’s sick. Did it fill the whole bun?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a good-size penis. What about condiments?”

“There weren’t any.”

“Hunh,” Lula said. “Everybody knows it’s all about the condiments. Who wants to eat a naked penis? If I’d been on the sandwich station that penis would have had mustard and relish on it, at the very least. Or it could have been a chili dog penis. Mustard and chili and chopped onion. That’s the way to serve a penis.”

Connie and I exchanged glances. We didn’t know where to go with this.

“Um, it’s a penis,” I finally said.

“All the same,” Lula said. “I’m just sayin’.”

“What’s on the schedule for today?” Connie asked.

“I’m picking Annie Gurky up at ten o’clock. I’ll let you know when I have her in custody, and you can meet us at the courthouse. I have to get my laundry from my mother. And Lula and I should check on chicken farmer Darren Boot.”

“And tonight, we get to go after Victor Waggle,” Lula said. “We can scope things out ahead of time when we look in on Boot.”

“Do we have a full profile on Leonard Skoogie?” I asked Connie. “We know about his office and his condo. Does he own any other property?”

Connie ran him through her system and shook her head. “His wives have picked him clean.”

“What about Ernie Sitz? Does he have any hidden real estate?”

“He has a house in the Burg. His wife is in it. She’s filed for divorce. He has a couple properties in Colombia. Everyone assumes he’s hanging out there now. He had a warehouse in an industrial park in Cherry Hill. It was foreclosed and sold at auction a year ago. That’s all of it.”

I knew about the house and Colombian holdings. That information had been in my original file.

“Just a thought,” I said. “The five kidnap victims are being held somewhere. It would be nice to discover property owned by Sitz or Skoogie that was previously overlooked.”

“I can dig around,” Connie said.

Lula looked out the front window. “Who’s following us around today?”

“Carl,” I said. “He’s working the day shift.”

“Doesn’t seem like there’s much danger lurking out there anymore,” Lula said. “Not that I’m opposed to a good-looking man riding on my bumper, but an armed guard doesn’t seem so necessary.”

I glanced at the burn on my hand and thought about Waggle and the meat cleaver, and an armed guard seemed like an okay idea to me.

“It’s almost ten o’clock,” I said. “Let’s see if Annie Gurky is ready to get rebonded.”

“Do you want to drive, or do you want me driving?” Lula asked.

“Carl is driving,” I said. “We’re going to use the Rangeman car.”

Annie was waiting on her friend’s porch. She was wearing a pale blue dress with a matching cardigan sweater. Her short hair was nicely styled, and she had a touch of pink lipstick. She was carrying a small purse, and she was holding a round tin.

She got into the back seat, and she gave me the tin. “My friend Dolly and I baked you some cookies this morning. It was so nice of you to get Miss Muffy for me. She slept on the pillow next to me last night. It was wonderful.”

I called Connie and told her we were on our way. “We’re going to check you in at the police station and walk you over to the courthouse,” I said. “Connie will meet you there and get you rebonded. After she bonds you out, she’ll take you back to Dolly’s house.”

“That’s perfect,” Annie said. “I’m in a much better place now. I have my Miss Muffy. I’ve changed the locks on my house. And Dolly said she would adopt Miss Muffy if I have to go away to prison for a long time.”

“I’m sure that’s not going to be necessary,” I said.

An hour later Lula and I were back in the Rangeman SUV.

“That was real nice of her to make us cookies,” Lula said, taking a cookie out of the tin. “Chocolate chip. My favorite.”

I gave Darren Boot’s address to Carl and told him to do a slow cruise past the Snake Pit.

“Hold on here,” Lula said. “I know this taste. I’ve had this cookie before. It’s got a edible in it. These are Hashy Smashies. They’re a controlled-substance tasty treat. This cookie could put you in a real good mood, but if you eat too many of them you want to stay close to a bathroom.”

I took the cookie tin from Lula and put it in the cargo area behind the rear seat.

“I’m not one to judge,” Lula said, “but seems to me Annie Gurky’s coping methods bear some examination. She should take up yoga or learn to play the saxophone.”

There was no sign of life on the Snake Pit block. It was eerily quiet. The landscape was depressing. The area beyond it was even worse. We approached the junkyard and it was like a ray of sunshine. The big electro-magnet was working, moving cars to the smashing machine.

“I wouldn’t mind working here,” Lula said. “I like smashing things.”

A half mile later we turned into Darren Boot’s driveway.