Little Lies(97)

I’m surprised to find the light beside her bed on, although sometimes she falls asleep reading. She sits up, and that heavy feeling in my stomach spreads through my limbs, making my cells feel like they’re made of lead.

I cross the room in three quick strides. My skin itches with panic as I take in her red-rimmed eyes and the tremble in her chin. I cup her warm, damp cheeks between my palms, but it doesn’t help settle the nerves, especially when two tears leak out of the corners of her eyes. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I need to tell you something,” she whispers.

A deluge of horrible thoughts come flooding in, overwhelming me. She doesn’t want me anymore. There’s someone else. She’s pregnant. I drop down beside her, and have to remind myself to breathe. “Okay. I’m listening. Freaking out, but listening.”

“I’m sorry.” She covers my hands with hers. “It’s not bad, but it’s going to complicate things.”

I nod and wait.

“I was offered an internship opportunity to work on costume design this summer for an off Broadway production company.”

My eyes widen, but almost immediately, excitement and pride give way to understanding, and that heavy feeling I’ve been carrying all night finally makes sense. “In New York?”

“Yeah.” She swallows thickly, more tears welling.

“The whole summer?” I don’t need to ask why she’s upset. We’d planned to spend at least part of this summer together. She was going to work at the library and take a course, and I’d coach kids’ hockey, like I do most summers, and train. And now she’s going to be hours away, too far to drive for a visit. We’ve been avoiding the other inevitability—finding out where I’ll be playing—but there’s no escaping this.

“It’s two months. It starts basically as soon as we’re done with exams, and I’d be there all of June and July.”

I’m trying to figure out how often I can fly there to see her. Selfishly, I want her to stay here with me, to find something local so it’s not as difficult. But I can’t be selfish when it comes to her future. Lavender is insanely talented, and she’s going to do great things.

“You have to take it.” I shift her so she’s straddling my lap.

“I know.” She traces an infinity symbol over my heart. “But it won’t be easy to go.”

“What if I came with you?” I scramble for a way to keep us together.

“To New York?”

“We could get an apartment. I’ll get a job, and then you won’t be out there alone. Then we can still have the summer together.” I don’t want to deal with the thing that worries me most—what’s going to happen after the summer. So many things are already up in the air, and I just got her back. I don’t want to let her go.

Her eyes light up with hope, but dim quickly. “What about hockey? You play all summer.”

“There are training camps in New York. I can talk to my dad and see if we can get me hooked up out there.”

“What if that won’t work?”

“Then we’ll figure it out. But you have to go, Lavender.” I force the words out, even though I feel the pain of them physically in my chest.

She runs her fingers through my hair, her smile sad. “I know I do. And I love the idea of you coming with me, if we can make it work. But even if we can’t, I need this. I don’t want to regret not going, and I don’t want that regret to taint what we have, not when we’ve already been through so much to get back to each other.”

“We’ll make it work, no matter what.”

I’m aware this conversation is one we’re likely to have again, sooner than either of us wants. Two months in New York should be totally doable. But I worry about the inevitable distance we’ll face come the fall.

But I don’t say any of those things. Instead, I capture her mouth with mine and get lost in loving her.





Chapter Thirty-Four


Take a Stand

Lavender

Present day

THE NEXT MORNING, Kodiak broaches the subject of coming with me to New York with his parents, which spurs an impromptu parental visit. We have enough time to shower off the sex smell and tidy up the living room before the ’rents descend.

I fire off a warning to River, in case he decides to come home. He’s been a lot better about things since he and I had it out, but that doesn’t mean I’m not concerned about his reaction to me going to New York for the summer. He’s still River.

Kodiak’s parents and mine arrive together in a brand new giant truck at two in the afternoon. Lainey’s behind the wheel, though. I freaking love Kodiak’s mom almost as much as I love my own. She and I have a lot in common, minus being geniuses, and seeing this tiny woman get out from behind the wheel of a boss truck is awesome.

My mom engulfs me in a hug and whispers, “I promise it’ll be fine. Just let your dad feel like he’s being heard.”

I figured this wouldn’t be as simple as everyone thinking it was a fabulous idea for Kodiak and me to move to New York for the summer.

Lainey and my mom have brought enough food to feed an entire hockey team. They go about setting up a charcuterie board while our dads raid the beer fridge.