Little Lies(86)

River nods, although he’s still frowning. “I’ll work on it. But if you fuck up, I’m probably going to kick your ass.”

“I figured.” Kodiak disappears upstairs, and Maverick claps River on the shoulder before he follows, leaving me alone with my twin.

“So, this is really happening?” He rubs the back of his neck. “You and Kody are a thing now?”

“We’re trying to be.” I nod to the couch, and we both drop down. I rest my head on his biceps. “This isn’t really about Kodiak, though.”

“What?”

“You. The protectiveness. Needing to make sure I’m okay.”

“I’m your twin. That’s my job.”

“But it’s not, River. Of course you’re going to want to be there for me, but I think this is more than that.”

His gaze darts away, and his jaw flexes. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s always been different for you. Maverick is like Dad, I’m like Mom, Robbie is like Gram-pot, but you’re you, and sometimes I think you’ve struggled to figure out where you fit. And if you’re not focused on me, you have to focus on you. I’d kind of hoped that my staying home last year would give you the chance to be your own person, instead of always trying to be my person. We will always be connected. You will always be the other half of me, but you need to live for you.”

River drops his head. “Sometimes I don’t feel like I know who I am.”

“I think that’s pretty normal at our age, but if you stop channeling all your energy into me, maybe you’ll be able to figure out you and what you want.”

“I’m sorry I’ve made things so hard for you.”

My heart clenches for my poor twin. Our bond is unmatched. I love him as fiercely as he loves me, but sometimes we lack balance. “It’s okay. Nothing worth fighting for should come easy. And I know it comes from a good place. You’re my trampoline, and I’m yours.”

“Safe to fall.”

“Always.”





Chapter Twenty-Nine


Infinite

Kodiak

Present day

I WAIT, SITTING on the top step outside Lavender’s door.

She appears at the landing and gives me a small smile. “No breaking and entering this time?”

I grin sheepishly. I could’ve picked the lock, but waiting for her seems symbolic of this new version of us. “Figured it was better if you let me into your space, considering the conversation. Everything okay with River?”

“I think so. He’s spent so much of his life focused on me that he hasn’t looked enough at himself and what he wants. We had that year apart, which was good for both of us, but now that I’m here it’s like we’re right back where we started. He needs to figure himself out, just like we need to figure us out.”

I nod. “I guess I never thought about it like that.” But it makes sense. “Now that you don’t need looking out for, everything has shifted.”

“But he’ll be okay. I think he probably needed someone to tell him it’s okay to live for himself instead of everyone else.”

She holds out her hand, her expression both expectant and the tiniest bit uncertain until I stand and thread my fingers through hers. The connection we’ve always had feels stronger than ever.

She unlocks her door, and we slip inside. The lamp beside her sewing machine is the only light in the room and casts shadows over her face, making it hard for me to read her expression. She links our fingers again and leads me over to her bed, flicking on the light beside it, which washes the pale purple comforter in its soft glow. She turns on her stereo, and the low tones of her favorite band fill the room.

Lavender doesn’t speak as she moves me to sit on the edge of her bed. My heart pounds, and my palms are damp. I wipe them on my thighs and part my legs as she steps into the space. Those vibrant blue eyes meet mine as she sifts her fingers through my hair. I feel the contact through my entire body, all the way to the core of my guilty, fractured soul.

“I missed you so much,” I whisper. “It’s been hell being this close to you and still feeling like we were a million miles apart.”

She nods and inhales a slow, steadying breath as she steps in closer, wrapping her arms around me. I mirror the movement, pulling her into me and feeling the pulse in her throat against my cheek, breathing in her familiar scent.

Lavender traces the infinity symbol up and down the back of my neck, along my spine, and I echo the pattern between her shoulder blades. Our breathing syncs, our heartbeats find a steady rhythm, and we hold on to each other, anchors and buoys.

I turn my face toward her, her pulse thrumming against my lips. We both make a soft, needy sound and chuckle at the same time. Lavender shifts to straddle my lap and begins the torturous process of tracing the contours of my face, her fingers, gentle and warm, skimming my lips and eyes.

I encircle her wrist and kiss the tip of each finger and the faded scars on her palm before I place it against the side of my neck. I brush my thumb across her bottom lip, over the scar that marked a beginning and an ending we never could have predicted.

“I want to take away every hurt I caused, but I don’t know how,” I admit.

She cups my face between her warm palms. “You can start by erasing all the little lies with truths.”