Lie, Lie Again(45)
No! Stop, stop, stop! She slapped a hand to the side of her leg. Her tote slid from her arm and crashed to the ground, the stapled strap torn and dangling. Shit! This day just keeps getting better. She grabbed the bag by the one good strap and headed to her classroom. She hadn’t even come close to earning enough points to buy a new one. It was so difficult. He made it difficult. Maybe she could force herself to picture Principal Rosenkrantz when she saw him. That would shut her feelings off in two seconds flat.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Embry straightened the HOME IS WHERE MY HORSE IS throw pillow where it sat on the sofa. It was made of a soft blue chambray with embroidered letters that resembled lassos. Auntie Boots had given it to her before they’d headed for California. Don’t forget where you come from, baby girl, she’d said.
“I haven’t forgotten, Auntie Boots.” She abandoned the cushions and sank into a kitchen chair. “But I might have lost a little bit of the girl I was.” A lump formed in her throat as she picked up her phone. Just one touch on the screen, and it would ring Mama. But what would she say? Hi, Mama. Everything’s going great here. Brandon can’t get an acting job to save his life, and he’s clomping around like a poked bear, we’re near broke, and I’m pregnant again! A tear rolled down her cheek. The truth was, she wouldn’t be able to get that many words out, because as soon as she heard Mama’s voice, she’d surely burst into gaspy sobs. She rested her head on the table and tried to focus on three good things. I have two healthy babies and a roof over my head. And I have a wonderful husband who’s . . . falling apart on me. No! She hadn’t meant to let her mind go there. The whole point of the exercise was to think positively.
But what if the Hollywood struggle was slowly destroying the bright-eyed man he’d been? No amount of positive thinking could fix that. Life had seemed so sparkly and glamorous those first few months here. But when they actually went to the city of Hollywood (which was part of a humongous entity everyone referred to as “LA”), she’d struggled to find the right words. It was only when they’d passed Grauman’s Chinese Theatre on the historic Walk of Fame that Embry had yanked on Brandon’s hand in delight, pulling him toward the handprints in the cement. “Can you picture getting your handprints done here one day? We’ll throw a big party at the fanciest hotel and invite everyone!”
His smile lit his entire face, reflecting off her wide grin. They were so deep in their own world, their minds full of fantasy, that it was easy to overlook the trash on the streets and the run-down buildings. It had simply been a part of the landscape—weeds among flowers. She should’ve paid closer attention. Hollywood was a farce. But it had Brandon clenched in its greasy claws. As far as Embry could tell, he didn’t mind the scratches it left behind. He just kept going back for more, no matter the cost. Her mind wandered down a dark road. It’d been there before, but she was always quick to turn her thoughts around. Today, she didn’t.
What if Hollywood wasn’t the only appeal? His class was full of actresses, each one more beautiful than the next. Brandon was an outgoing person by nature. Playful and friendly. An image of Riki’s face when she caught her with his headshot this morning rippled in her mind, but once again, she shook the thought away. Riki wouldn’t do anything. She wasn’t that kind of person, but what if a grabby actress took his friendliness for something more? A burning sensation wafted through her, igniting her cheeks. He wouldn’t act on it. Of course not! He loved her.
But what about the recent moodiness and his short temper? Was that a sign of him thinking the grass was greener with another woman? And the night he’d come in so late, he’d whispered to her, I love you, Em. Always. I hope you know that. It was the always part that played over in her mind. Always meaning even when he was—
She shuddered, shaking the thought away. Good Lord! Brandon was not a cheater. But even as she tried to focus on what she knew, her thoughts scurried to gather evidence to the contrary. There had been the late nights and extra acting classes. Were those real or a cover? She scrunched her hands into tight fists as she pictured Brandon on their wedding day. His smile had been so big, it’d reached all the way up to his eyes. There’d been tears of joy too. Those kinds of feelings didn’t just up and disappear, did they?
She pounded a fist to her leg. All these harebrained ideas had to be hormones coupled with flat-out fear over having a third baby. She could barely manage two kids. How on earth was she going to manage three? Kylie needed her attention all the time. And Carson was twenty-four seven. She sank to the kitchen floor and clutched her knees to her chest, burying her face in them.
If Brandon was acting weird, it was because of the soap. It had been his big chance, and it was gone. He’d be a bartender and brunch server forever, struggling to make the rent month after month. He’s never going to stop making martinis with an extra stupid olive, she thought. That was the kind of frustration that could drive a man to the edge. But she wouldn’t let him fall. She’d do whatever it took. They’d made promises to each other, and she wasn’t about to break hers. If the finances were causing him to worry, she’d find a way to help. And if it were something else . . . well, she refused to let her mind go down that road again.
She smacked the linoleum floor with her hand. It was an ugly shade of yellow, but it was the cleanest floor in town. She knew how to clean. That was something. Maybe she could become a housekeeper. It’d be easy enough to bring Carson along. She could set up a playpen and he could . . . She smacked the floor again. That wouldn’t work. Her eyes roamed the kitchen, searching for something. Anything. She needed a lifeline.