Lie, Lie Again(25)
But as soon as she imagined him in her apartment, his wallet on her counter and his socks in her bedroom, she started to feel like she needed some air. She stood and filled a glass with water. Maybe she shouldn’t call him. She wished she knew how good relationships were supposed to feel. The sex was easy—she knew she liked that part with him. But what did it mean that she never wanted him to stick around, and when he was away, she felt lonely? Was there something wrong with her? She thought about this, reviewing all her past relationships as though flipping through a yearbook.
She skipped right past her high school boyfriends—well, all two of them—because they had been more like friend-boys whom she’d seen movies with or gone to dances with in big groups. College brought her first real boyfriend, Darian. He had quickly and efficiently broken her heart. After they dated for a few months, he was ready to move on to his next conquest, the pretty exchange student from Germany. Following that, she’d dated only a few guys very casually.
Her heart stung as she remembered how Darian had brushed the hair that fell toward her face as they’d stood under the big shade tree in middle campus.
“You’re so sweet,” he said. “We’ve had some good times.”
“We’ve had some great times.” Riki stood on tiptoes to kiss his lips. “It’ll only get better.” Her mind had raced ahead, sprinkling rose petals along the path that led to an altar and a pretty white gown.
He stepped back, his eyes darting to the tree, the sky, and finally back to her. “I don’t think so. This is where it ends, Riki. I’ve met someone else.”
“Oh.”
That was all she could say. She didn’t scream or yell or beg for him to stay. She didn’t ask who it was or where he’d met her. In that moment, she froze. And he left her there, standing under the tree, all alone.
She shook her head. That was a long time ago. I shouldn’t even care anymore.
But it still stung.
She’d never walk into that kind of pain again. Chris wasn’t like Darian. He wouldn’t suddenly drop her for someone new. So why was she feeling so hesitant with him? The answer rippled to life like a Technicolor picture right in front of her, but she blinked it away. Don’t hide from it. You know you want it all, a little voice said.
Ha. Not everyone could have it all. Well, Embry and Brandon seemed to have it all, but they were different. She would settle for fine. It was safer that way.
Brandon moved across the room with Carson in his arms, pausing to peer out the window. The baby pressed his hands to the glass, leaving tiny smudges that Embry would have to scrub later, while Kylie pranced about wearing her Supergirl cape, using a spatula as a magic wand, turning anything in her path into a toad or butterfly. Embry wasn’t quite sure what the criteria was, but if Kylie waved that wand at her, she’d request to be cloned. Heaven knows she could use an extra pair of hands.
“It’s too wet to bother with the lawn,” Embry snapped as though it were foolish to even look outside. She folded another towel into a perfect square, and he inched closer to her.
“I wasn’t planning on it. I can see it’s wet.”
“Sorry.” She flapped a dish towel to straighten it. “I’m not mad at you. Carson had a rough night, and I’m tired. Everything is bugging me right now.” She added the towel to her pile. At least that was nice and orderly.
His brows shot up as he tucked his arms across his chest. “Everything? Including me?”
“No.” She waved a hand toward the sink. “I’m scared of the sink now. The thing has a life of its own. And I’m going to have to return the plunger. It did nothing more than put a bandage on the stupid problem.”
“Did you call Jonathan?”
“I left a message. The man never answers his phone. It’s annoying.”
“It is annoying. If he doesn’t get back to you by Monday, we can call a plumber on our own and bill him. In the meantime, we can survive a few more days, right? We’ll pretend we’re camping,” he added with a wink.
“No thanks! You know I hate camping.”
His cell phone rang, and he shifted the baby to check the number. He met Embry’s eyes and passed Carson to her. “It’s Adena. This is it.”
Embry nodded and held the baby close, watching Brandon as he rushed to the bedroom and closed the door. She squeezed her eyes shut, making a wish. I hope he gets it, she thought. He has to get it.
“Mama, why you close your eyes?” Kylie asked. “Ba boo!” she shouted, waving the spatula in front of her. “You awake!”
“You got me, sweetie! I’m awake now,” she said. “Will you wave your wand and make some good luck for Daddy?”
With a flourish, she twirled in a circle and waved the spatula so hard, it flew from her hand, landing with a clatter near the door. Laughter spilled out of her. “That was big magic, Mama. Daddy has a whole bunch of good luck,” she said, spreading her arms wide.
“Thanks, Ky.” She pressed her face into the bundle of baby, and Brandon came back into the room, his eyes bluer than she’d ever seen them. She wanted them to be happy tears, but she knew better. It was in the stiffness of his shoulders and the tightness of his jaw. He locked eyes with her and shook his head.
She covered her mouth with a shaking hand and hurried Carson to his swing, barely stopping to fasten the straps before sweeping her arms around Brandon. There were no words to make this better. He’d put every last egg in this basket. She knew a little piece of him was dying on the inside. His agent had all but promised he’d land this part after yesterday’s audition. The casting director loves you! She wants this for you so badly.