Lev: a Shot Callers novel(112)

I was losing myself.

He blinked at me a long moment before he sat up. “What are you talking about, baby?” He held his arms out and my heart cried out to be wrapped up in them. “Come back to bed,” he uttered.

I shook my head. “No.” My voice was rougher than I wanted it to be.

I walked over to the bed, sitting with my thigh grazing his. I looked him in the eye and uttered the words I dreaded to say. “Tell me you love you, Vik.” My hand shot out to grip his and I almost pled, “Just tell me you love me.”

His thumb grazed mine for a long moment before he muttered, “What’s this all about?”

At my silence, he asked, “For real, baby? You gonna let me go? Just like that?” His brow furrowed in confusion.

I understood the confusion. I’d never done this before. I wasn’t a drama queen, and I never demanded anything from Viktor Nikulin.

He was my heart and soul, and I loved him with everything I had, but I was officially worn out by our non-relationship. I wanted more. I needed more.

It was all or nothing.

My face impassive, I stated, “I can’t do this anymore, Vik. I can’t be the woman you call at three a.m. for a nightly booty call. I deserve better, like a man who isn’t afraid of loving a woman.” I shook my head. “I don’t understand you. One minute, you’re hot, and the next, you’re cold.” My voice shook. “I’m almost thirty years old. I can’t wait forever.”

His arms came around me. He pulled me close and I let him. He lifted me onto his lap, wrapped me up tight, and held me close when he stated, “I want you to think on this, okay? Don’t make any rash decisions. Just…just think on it. And if this is what you really want in the morning, I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone. Deal?”

One more night.

Holding onto him, I nodded against his chest.

My heart broke at that very moment.

Come morning, we both knew what my decision would be.





Chapter Fifty

Lev



“Have you decided?” I asked as I approached my mouse from behind, watching her scroll restlessly through charity websites.

With her fist under her chin, she grunted, “No.” Then she sighed. “There’s too many of them. I have no idea how to decide which are worthy enough to donate to.”

I thought about that.

It would be a hard decision to make. I stepped forward, pulled back the desk chair, and lifted her. I sat in her place and lowered her down to my lap. “Even if you only give half of your inheritance, there is a lot of money there. Why not split it up into four or six and donate to multiple causes.”

Mina melted into me, resting her head on my chest, curling up on my lap like a cat. “That’s not a bad idea. I might do that.” She let out a breath of frustration. “But that doesn’t make the decision any easier.”

“You could always draw them out of a hat,” I uttered, just enjoying the feel of this little creature in my arms, not serious in the least.

I held onto her and the world slipped away. She calmed my mind and my soul lifted when close to her. Mina Harris was the better part of me, and I would keep her happy for the rest of my life.

She stilled in my lap and looked up at me with wide eyes, wearing an expression that said ‘Now why didn’t I think of that?’

“That’s a great idea,” she whispered. A small smile graced her beautiful face and she leaned up to kiss me. I took her lips gently, dipping in to taste her, and she sighed softly. “I love you, Lev.”

It was time to explain something to Mina, something about who I was. “I have never belonged, Mina,” I started. “I have always had a feeling of loneliness inside of me, and I never understood it, not when I’m constantly surrounded by people. I do, however, understand I differ from the masses. In a constant state of confusion, misunderstanding plagues me.” My brow furrowed. “I’m always thinking, ‘What did I say to make Nastasia mad?’ or ‘Why did Sasha look at me that way?’ Why doesn’t my brain work the way it should?”

I paused a moment, and Mina listened intently. “I would’ve given anything to be normal. And around you, I feel normal.” I laid my hand against her cheek and ran my thumb over her jawline. “I’ve never had ordinary. You gave me that. I plan on repaying you what I owe you for the rest of my life.”

She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes. “We saved each other.” She opened her eyes and glanced at me lovingly. “I think we can call it even, sweetie.”

Perhaps she was right. Perhaps we were destined to find each other. Either way, I would do everything in my power to make sure Mina had a full and happy life. Just as she’d given to me.

***

My phone chirped and I pulled it out of my pocket to read the message.

Nas: Get over here. We need to talk. PRIVATELY.

I turned to look over at Mina and Lidi, who sat on the floor watching a children’s movie on the television. They were apart but holding hands.

My throat constricted.

I didn’t want to leave, but Nastasia was my sister. She was important to me and when she called on me, I would be there.

Standing, I stilled when Mina turned to look back at me. “Be back soon. Nas needs me.”

Mina blew me a kiss and I took it with me as I walked out the front door and made the short journey to my sister’s house.