Lead Me Home (Fight for Me #3)(65)

The man a mountain.

A rock who’d just crumbled in my hands.

Slowly, he pulled back, still holding my face, and he tenderly ran the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip.

I was almost nervous, having no idea what direction we were going, terrified he would send me crashing into another brick wall until a smirk took hold of one side of his mouth.

“Guess you really are the orgasm fairy,” he murmured, lifting me from under my arms and scooping me back into the safety of his hold.

I tried to hold back the shock of surprised laughter. “I told all of you I was. No one believes me. I know a good match when I see one.”

Chemistry.

Ours pulsed through the air. Fierce and unrelenting.

He climbed onto his bed and pulled me onto his chest.

Oh God. And he thought I was going to ruin him?

He gentled his fingers through my hair. “Hmm . . . guess I shouldn’t complain about getting on the receiving end of that, now, should I?”

My teeth raked over my bottom lip, warmth heating my cheeks, loving that this lost boy wanted to play. “Definitely not. There are some gifts that should never be shoved in a closet or returned.”

I began to casually tick them off. “Heirloom jewelry. A child’s handprint set in plaster. Orgasms. Orgasms should never, ever be considered anything less than the gift they are,” I said, the quiet tease playing from my tongue.

A thrill of shock vibrated through me. It felt like a dream that I was with him like this. Closer than we’d been in so many years.

My fingertips trailed over his chest. “Well, unless you give one to yourself,” I ribbed. “No orgasm fairy required. My services are rendered totally useless.”

That was like buying yourself a fake engagement ring.

He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “Don’t doubt that you caused a few of those, too, Nikki. All these years, thinking about you . . . wishing it was you.”

Chills.

They flashed across my skin. My voice quieted, and I scratched at the beard on the side of his face, “I wanted it to be you, too.”

He pushed his fingers into my hair, somberness stealing into his expression as he stared up at me. “What if I hurt you?”

My tongue swept across my bottom lip. In hesitation or need, I wasn’t sure. “You keep sayin’ that, Ollie, and I’m just gonna keep tellin’ you not to. Treating someone the way they deserve to be treated is as simple as making the choice to.”

His head minimally shook on his pillow, and he tightened his hold on me.

I didn’t want him to ever let go.

“Sometimes life doesn’t give us the choice. Sometimes it takes from us. We have no control over that. No say no matter what we give up to change it.”

My voice softened, close to a plea. “And sometimes it’s as simple as how you handle what life gives you. How you treat the people around you. How you treat yourself.”

“You deserve better than me, sweet girl. Don’t you see that yet?”

Scooting up, I pressed both my hands to either side of his head and stared down at him, hoping he could see. Hoping he could feel what I’d always felt for him.

“You’re right, Ollie. I deserve to be loved. To be held and cherished. To have the family I’ve always wanted. I deserve everything this life has to offer. To make the most of each day. And you . . .”

The words became a wisp from my lips. “You just have to see that you deserve all that, too. That you deserve to be loved and held and cherished. To live life for all it’s worth. Every single day. Whether that’s with me or not.”

Silence swam between us. As heavy as when we’d lay by the lake at night and stare at the sky. When we’d felt so small and still so incredibly brave. Stars strewn out across the black canvas, promising there was more out there than a vast expanse of nothingness.

He trailed his fingers down my cheek. “I want to be that guy, Nikki. Just not sure who you see is real. Think he went missing the day his sister did.”

Old grief whipped through my spirit. “I know, Ollie,” I said, affection thick. “That guy got lost. But I know he’s real. That he’s right here.”

I reached down and set my palm flat against his hammering heart. “You just have to find him.”

He pressed my hand tighter. “We need to stop doing this until I do. Until I know I won’t hurt you again. Because I do cherish you, Nikki. Don’t ever doubt that. I cherish you, but I’m still not sure I deserve to keep you.”

His words slashed and cut and healed.

A searing hurt and the sweetest solace.

I gently pressed my lips to his.

Tenderly.

With all I had to give. “Let me help you discover him.”

He shocked me with his slight nod, our lips gently brushing. “I need you to be patient with me because I refuse to be the guy who hurts you again.”

Then he pulled back, eyes going hard as he gripped me by both sides of the face. “Need you to stop keeping secrets from me. I have to figure out how to be the guy you really deserve, but more than that, I need to know you’re safe. Keep you safe. And I can’t do that if you don’t let me in.”

“I told you where I was going tonight for a reason, Ollie. Because I trust you. Because I want you in my life.”

He grimaced but didn’t reject it before he continued, “How did that punk get your grandpa’s old car?”