Lady Be Reckless (Duke's Daughters #2)(6)

Now that it was the moment she’d been dreaming about for so long, she had to admit to feeling nervous. Not that he wouldn’t agree, because of course he would, it was the right thing to do, plus she knew how he felt about her, even if he didn’t. Hadn’t he paid particular attention to her during her come-out? He’d danced with her twice—twice!—at a party the prior year, and she’d caught him looking at her when he didn’t know that she was looking.

But she was always looking.

The nervousness was merely because her whole life was about to change; she would be Lady Carson, she would finally be able to do all the things she wanted, no needed, to do.

And she would spend the rest of her life with him.

Just thinking about it made her calmer.

She closed the door behind them, leaning against it with her arms behind her back.

He raised an eyebrow at her action, but didn’t say anything. Wise man. Already knowing she had all the answers.

“What is it, Olivia?” he spoke brusquely. “It is not proper for us to be privately together, even if we are considered family.” Perhaps he was so swept away with his feelings, feelings he hadn’t acknowledged before, that he couldn’t speak properly?

She didn’t reply at first, just walked toward him and put her finger to his lips. “Shh,” she said, when he appeared to be about to open his mouth. “The thing is, I have something to say, and I want to say it without interruption.”

He looked as though he wanted to argue but instead he gave a brief nod. She withdrew her finger from his mouth and took a deep breath.

“You and I met when I was just—what?—fifteen years old.” She walked past him and put her hand on the back of one of the chairs in the room. She took a moment to look around at where they were—some sort of sitting room, it appeared, since there were small tables and chairs scattered about, with one sofa facing a fireplace, though the fire had died down. A good thing, since she already felt quite warm. Likely due to Bennett’s presence and what was about to happen.

“And I know at the time you saw me as someone still in the schoolroom,” she continued, continuing to pace around the room, forcing herself not to look at him because she was concerned she would forget everything she wanted to say because of all the love she had oozing through every pore. Which sounded far messier than she wanted.

“But I am, if you have not noticed, a woman now.” And she returned to stand in front of him, forcing herself to breathe naturally, looking him in the eyes.

His gaze appeared startled, and she wanted to reassure him that it would all be fine, they would sort things out and they could have their respective futures settled. Together.

But first she had to tell him how she felt. So he would be able to admit how he felt.

“When I was younger, I said and did many things I am embarrassed about now,” she began. “I didn’t realize there was more to life than wondering what party you’d be able to attend next. When I first met you, I couldn’t even attend any parties because Eleanor wasn’t married yet.” She cringed to recall how selfish she had been. But she wouldn’t say all that to him—she wanted him to maintain his good opinion of her, after all. “And now that I have had the opportunity to be out in the world, I know that there are things I wish to change.”

And not just things like allowing ladies to waltz all the time, if they wanted to, although that would be lovely. She meant things like making sure all people had enough to eat and that children be given an education and that there should never be the possibility of an animal suffering because of human neglect or irresponsibility or particularly willful action.

“Those are excellent sentiments,” Bennett said.

She beamed at him, glad they were in accord. “I know you feel the same way I do—I have followed your efforts in Parliament.” Albeit not that closely, and then she paused, taking a deep breath before adding, “. . . Bennett.”

His eyes widened at her use of his first name, and he blinked a few times. Overcome by his emotions, perhaps? She smiled reassuringly. “We feel the same way about so many things.” She put her hand on his sleeve. His gaze went to where her hand lay, and she wished she was daring enough to run the fingers of her other hand through his hair. She wasn’t, not yet. Perhaps later, after everything was settled.

“And since we are of much the same mind, I know that it only makes sense for us to get married. So we can finally be together.” She exhaled. “There. I’ve finally said it.” And she tilted her face up so he could kiss her.

And edged forward, since it seemed that he wasn’t going to. Perhaps he was unsure if a kiss would be welcome? She should let him know it would be perfectly welcome.

“You may kiss me, if you like. Since we are now betrothed.”

He still did not kiss her, and she felt a pang of regret. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back so that even if she wished to initiate a kiss, she couldn’t. He was too tall, and now his mouth was too far away from hers.

A slow uncomfortable feeling began to unravel inside her, and she felt her breath hitch.

“I am aware of the great honor you do me, Lady Olivia,” he said, his eyes still closed. Then he opened them, and she wanted to leap back at what she saw in his gaze. Was it possible he did not love her? “But I do not regard you in that way, and I think it best if we forget this conversation ever happened.”