Knight Nostalgia: A Knights of the Board Room Anthology(31)
She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “He’s back on the whole having-a-baby thing. I said some things I didn’t mean to say; then he played the Master card at the wrong moment and said we’re having one and that’s that… Hence the fuck off part.”
Ben pursed his lips. “Well, normally I wouldn’t advocate using one’s ordained Mastership, so to speak, to impose a decision that’s going to affect you as husband and wife partners for the rest of your known life, but he may have a point. You’re standing on the edge of a pool, baby girl, knowing you really want to learn to swim, but until someone pushes you in, you’re going to keep thinking it to death.”
“I’m the only one who drowns if I jump. A baby is awfully different.”
“You won’t be raising him or her alone, right?” He touched her face, a slide of his knuckle along her soft cheek. Though the cosmetic surgeons had done a fan-fucking-tastic job trying to restore the fresh beauty she had before the IED exploded under her, he could still feel traces of the scar tissue. She’d come back a hell of a long way in confidence, much closer to her former self, since that had happened. If Peter was pushing the baby agenda, then Ben knew her Master was pretty damn certain she was ready for it.
“Why won’t he leave it alone?” she complained.
“You’re kidding, right? Milk-engorged breasts.”
Another despairing chuckle strangled out of her. Ben touched her knee. “But beyond that, it's because he knows you want one, and you'd be great parents. Final reason? He loves you more than anything. Even more than breasts.”
“Don't I know it.” A rusty laugh escaped her. “I wear the smallest-sized bra of any in this group.”
“Your tits are fine. Peter says they're like perfect little apples, fallen straight from a tree and smelling summer sweet.”
“He did not say that.”
Ben raised a hand. "On my life, and I think Lucas got it on hidden recorder, just so we could harass him about it.” At her pensive look, he nudged her again. “Do you remember what you said to us at your wedding?”
“Was I sober that day?”
He pinched her, and she squirmed, swatting at him. “Ow. You leave bruises, Peter will be pissed.”
“Not if you deserved them. Shut up and listen. During your toast, you said ‘I never had the chance to see most of you with my eyes. But I can see you in my heart.’”
“How did you remember that, word-for-word? That’s scary.”
“I forget nothing. That’s why I’m the world’s most awesome lawyer. Don’t change the subject. A kid’s going to be just like that. Your heart will know what the rest of you isn’t sure about. Peter’s loaded. Get a housekeeper slash childcare person to back you up, make you less worried about safety stuff. I guarantee you are going to love that kid so much, he or she will be grateful to have you for a mom. But let’s get down to the root of it. Do you want to have a baby?”
She sighed. “Have you ever known Peter to try and talk me into anything he didn’t already know I wanted so bad it makes me cry into my pillow at night?” She shook her head at herself. “But I can’t even see pictures of other people’s babies. How exactly am I supposed to raise one of my own?”
“Like every other parent does,” Ben responded. “With lots of stumbles and falls, sleepless nights, occasional brilliant victories, and a never-ending well of love. No direct experience on this in any way, but I hear that’s the way it looks when it’s right. Not perfect, but even a flawed brick house can stand up to a lot of bad weather.”
He touched her face. “Dana, you know how crazy you being scared to have a kid sounds, right? You work in one of New Orleans’ toughest neighborhoods. You scold gang members and make them come to church.”
Not too long ago, he’d helped Peter exercise a nice punishment on her pretty ass for that kind of risky behavior. Not that it would stop her from doing more of it, but Peter had needed it. Like all the K&A executives, he was a sexist bastard. It was sometimes tough to accept the women in their lives were just as determined to do the right thing, regardless of personal risk, as any in the group with a dick.
But that kind of risk was okay for the men because…they were men. It didn’t have to make sense, loving their women’s strength and courage so much, and yet wanting to protect them from everything.
He thought of Marcie and some of the things she’d done as a corporate investigator. And how she sometimes made noises about wanting to be a New Orleans cop. God help him if she persisted on that. That is, if God hadn’t already written him off long ago. But if He had, that was okay. Just so long as He protected Marcie.
“You can do all that,” he told Dana. “But raising a kid scares you?”
“Yes. Hell yes.”
“Well, get the fuck over it.” He winced as a tiny smile appeared on her face. They had a strict “no cursing in front of women” rule, one Matt had instituted and for some reason they all followed. Ben was the worst at it. On the honor system, he was supposed to give a hundred to charity every time he screwed up. At this point, he expected the Salvation Army had been able to install Olympic swimming pools in all the regional summer camps, thanks to him.
“Don’t say it,” he warned her, and got back on point. “Look at it like that day you confronted those gang members recruiting some of your boys from the church. You knew you were going to get in their faces, and the second you started down that path, the fear disappeared, because you were committed to your path. From there you run on adrenaline and pure courage, which you have in abundance. And faith, which again, double helpings for you. It will all work out.”